Ones upon a time,1
There was a man that was the most lonely man in the world. He loved to create things beyond anyone's imagination. He would take the most ugly things and make them beautiful.2
When he reached the age of thirty, he decided to create something that only people had read in books. A person he could talk to, teach.. and maybe fall in love with? He was going to try to recreate a female human out of dead parts and serge a charge of electric power through the corpse bringing it to life.3
IT'S ALIVE!! She lifted herself from the table and blankly looked into his eyes. Frankenstein, with excitement, took her hand and spoke of his love. But, she took her hand away. The corpse said that she did not love him back.4
She thought that it would be better is she were not alive any longer. Saying that, she shoved an electric cord down her throat and flipped the switch. Frankenstein, now more lonely than ever, believed that no one alive would ever want anything to do with him. So, he busted a lab beaker in half and slit his wrist.5
For two weeks, the bodies were unfound. After finding them, it was all over the news. Frankenstein and an unidentified woman committed a 'Romeo and Juliet' suicide.6
THE END
Author notes
A story I wrote about three years ago.
Comments
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Your grammar is good and you have a good idea but you need to develop it more.
Some itches I had were:
First, the combination of the background and font color was overwhelming. Maybe change the color of the font.
The intro was too generic. Try something pow or new. And the ending was too rushed. Why did she feel that way? Why did he feel that way? Add emotion!
I really liked the second paragraph! Keep up the writing!
-CC
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