I can't tell, i am lost1
you say you can help, what's the cost?2
the mid- summer breeze in my hair3
we became a pair.4
i am not lost.
what do u think?
Comments
1 - 6 of 6
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Very simple and yet very honest. We all seem to be lost 'til we find that one and then together we are not lost again.
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Succinct
Just a fancy word I learned from a comment on one of my poems that means brief. I like the simple story line. In the beginning you didn't even know that you were lost then you let someone help, (for an unspoken price?) then in the end you knew you weren't lost. I'd split the two longer lines and add a little for the rhythm. See how this looks to you:
I can't tell, I am lost
You say you can help
what is the cost?
The mid-summer breeze
blows through my hair
we became a pair
I am not lost.
What do you think? -
I liked it, i think...................
i can`t tell,i`m clouded with too many winter storms and i`m bald. -
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*confused*Huh?
rhetorica you lost me.
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nice idk why but i really kinda liked it lol. great topic too
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Short but to the point!
Some itches I had:
Some grammar mistakes. 'i' should be capitalized and after "breeze in my hair" should have a comma after it.
Also, the back ground sort of hurts my eyes. Just warning you!
Good luck with writing and keep it up!
-CC
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