Scorching vapour was still pouring out of the crater as the figures emerged from the wreckage. They were resistant to the heat, even while the nearby insects dropped to the ground and shriveled into dust. One of the tall, inhuman figures produced a small device and stared intently at the screen.1
SCANNING…2
PLANET: EARTH3
DOMINANT SPECIES: HUMAN4
DOMINANT LANGUAGE: ENGLISH5
DOWNLOADING…6
The information flowed through wires connected directly to their bodies. They shuddered as the electrical current flowed through them to their brains. As the download completed, one of the creatures began to form its first words in its newly-acquired tongue.7
“I dislike this language immensely. It is much too primitive for our purposes.”8
“Be silent, gerifitzsimmons,” another snapped. “Primitivity is relative. There are thousands of languages on this planet, but this one appears to be the most widespread. It must have its benefits.”9
“If a race of these—“ the speaker checked the readout on the device’s screen, “—humans became the dominators of their species while using this tongue, its merits may be of use to us.”10
“My point exactly, Vernatia,” the second being said. “We must learn more about this language if we are to develop our own.”11
“Tallblondie, this is ridiculous,” another interjected. “We are a sentient race. Are we not capable of creating our own methods of communication? We possess all of the required knowledge to conquer millions of worlds teeming with expendable life; must we stoop to the level of imitation?”12
“Of course we must, young SnowRose-Wolf,” the eldest of the group replied condescendingly. “You know we are not capable of creativity without the assistance of a species of beings that are very imaginative in nature.”13
“We are aware of this fact, Diddi,” tallblondie said, then turned to the other members of the landing party. “Andy Stephenson, please lead Kylia Skydancer, Sage Syren, CactusJack and IrishYndina into more established territory on this planet. Attempt to assimilate and learn the common use of this ‘English’.” The creature nodded and departed, walking in a seemingly random direction with four others in tow.14
“Vernatia,” tallblondie addressed the vocal being, “does this place have a planet-wide network?”15
Vernatia stared at the glowing screen on portable device. “It appears to have a very unstable one, entitled the ‘Internet’.”16
“That’s exactly what we need,” said gerifitzsimmons. “We have access to their communication lines.”17
“Find a means through which we may further understand their use of English, particularly in a creative context,” SnowRose-Wolf prompted.18
Vernatia pressed a series of buttons, causing a loud beep to sound from the apparatus. “I’ve found something!”19
SCANNING…20
RESULT: WWW.STORYWRITE.COM21
“Storywrite.com?” Tallblondie repeated. She smiled in satisfaction. “Perfect.”
Author notes
I chose option #2! Squee!
A contest entry
- Greeters are Taking over!! by SW Greeters.
4100 points, ended June 25, 2008, 10 entries
• next story in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 9 of 9
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LOL
This is hillarious Viola!
Great Job! -
Hah ! So clever, Viola
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I like how this is almost a serious science fiction piece until you actually stop and pay attention - and then it's just plain funny!
I think you meant "sentient" instead of "sapient." Otherwise, I found this entertaining and enjoyable. And once again, I don't get any lines. *sighs* How come I'm so silent in all of these greeter stories?
Good luck and thanks for the funny entry!
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Fun!!! Loved it. Looks like a lot of fun and would totally want to be involved in taking over the world.
Thanks for entering and good luck in the contest.
Brooke -
Wow that's pretty spiffy! It made me smile. I love clever stuff like this.
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Good Story.
So we are all aliens, mastering English, and taking over the world via the internet and Storywrite. Seems possible to me. It seems like tallblondie was in charge. Is that because she is tall? What are we going to do with the humans after we have conquered them?
Thanks for entering 'Greeters are Taking over!!'
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Andy
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Yes, it was the tall thing that put tallblondie in charge. However, the ultimate goal of the characters (you guys) in my mind was that you were all after creating your own language so that you could conquer the universe by being able to speak a language that no one else could speak...and to do this, you'd need to study other languages, like English. Thanks for the comment!
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Human - take me to your leader...
Very nicely done. A well written story with a good mix of humour and entertaining plot. Excellent flow and structure that keeps the reader interested and engaged.
Thanks for your entry!
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Really funny! A good laugh all the way!
Good luck in the contest.
beginning: 5, language: 5, plot: 5, ending: 5, characters: 5.
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