Confessions Of A Boy-Crazed Fourteen Year Old (Part 4)

Tuesday, September 9th1

Yesterday was horrible. Absolutely, positively, undeniably horrible. I doubt anyone could argue that it wasn’t as bad as I thought, or it was better than my first, second, third, fourth, fifth or sixth impression. I've actually lost countof all the bad impressions by now, so I don't even know. All I know is yesterday was a dis-as-ter. I was so humiliated! How could I show my face on the bus again? Or anywhere else in the school, I think everyone knew by the end of the day. I probably can’t even walk down the halls without being tormented anymore! I’d bet even the staff knew and were all making fun of me in the teachers lounge. I was thinking about changing my name and running away to China, but by now I’m sure they’d heard about the klutzy red-headed Canadian girl. Gossip travels fast, you know.2

That night, Emma and Jose came over to my house to try and console me. It was pretty cool having Jose hang out with us. I’ve never really had a guy friend before. I know what you’re thinking “Really? Ariel? That oh-so cute and sophisticated girl that’s got it all so together? How does she keep the men at bay? And more importantly, where did she learn those amazing social skills about how to act around men? She must have a natural charm.” At least, that’s what I’m pretending you’re thinking. I’m also pretending there was no sarcasm in there as you thought it, which there probably was. But I digress…3

Emma popped in Donnie Darko, hoping Jake Gyllenhaal’s massive sexual appeal would distract me and drag me out of my miserable pit of misery.4

“Air, are you seriously that upset? Come on, the movie’s half over! Shouldn’t you be drooling and forgetting your own name by now? It’s Jake Gyllenhaal!” Jose started laughing.5

“That dork? Are you joking? Ariel, you do not honestly think that a paranoid schizophrenic who sees giant evil bunnies that tell him to burn things is hot?”6

“Jose, what is with you and making fun of guys I like? You call Jake a  schizo dork and you always call Andy a jerk or a loser!” 7

“Yes, Jose, please tell us. Why is it you hate the guys Ariel likes?” Emma piped in a little too loudly, smirking at Jose. He shot her an evil look and mumbled something under his breath.8

“Well, it’s not like it even matters.” I pouted. “Andy’ll never be with me now, after the bus incident.”9

“Yeah, I’m sure that’s what’s preventing-” Jose started before Emma elbowed him in the ribs. He winced. I bet Andy winced when I elbowed him! My god, he must hate me so much! I was about to cry when Emma started talking again.10

“Air, don’t give up. Sure, step one didn’t work, but you still have the rest of the article to try! Have you even read step two yet?”11

And that is how Emma Alexis Daniels proved she is the best of all best friends, always knowing what to say in dire situations and saving my life. My love life, at least. Or so I thought at the time.12

*STEP TWO: GET NOTICED! GET INVOLVED! Worried he doesn’t know you exist? Well, make him take notice by getting involved at your school! Try out for a team, audition for a play, join the band or become a member of student council. He’ll think you’re totally cool for getting into school life, plus you’ll meet loads of new people and get some extra-curriculars for your college applications! Win/win situation if you ask us!*13

Get involved? Didn’t sound too hard. I mean, what’s the worst that could possibly happen? How on earth could I humiliate myself further?14

I must have forgotten that I am Ariel, and all I do is humiliate myself.15

So I decided to try out for the soccer team. I wore my cute baby blue track pants, a white Nike tank top and my brand new pink and white running shoes. After pulling my hair back into a ponytail and quickly re-applying my lip gloss, I was ready to hit the field.16

You may or may not have noticed this about me, but I’m a quote-unquote girlie-girl. Putting me on a muddy field with a dirty ball and a bunch of giant, butch senior girls? Recipe for disaster.17

We started off doing some drills, like running back and forth incessantly for no apparent reason, or dribbling the ball across the field, trying not to trip over your feet and end up eating the grass. Which I did. Several times.18

By the time it was our water break, I was already bruised, covered in mud and pretty sure I had cracked a rib. I hobbled over to the water fountain and as I was lining up, I noticed a familiar blonde ponytail in front of me.19

It was her.20

Andy’s girlfriend was on the soccer team! And she was one of the better ones, too, from what I saw when I wasn’t doing a face plant in the dirt. I started to doubt what I was doing here. Do I really need to compete against (and lose to) this girl in another aspect of my life? Sports isn’t really my thing, anyway. Mascara, magazines and shopping? That I can handle. Sweating and being dirty? I’ll pass.21

“Hey, Amy, what are you doing at that grody fountain? I have water bottles, duh!” A senior girl with short brown hair called, and Andy’s girlfriend trotted over as I gave her a spiteful look. Amy. Amy Amy Amy. What a stupid name. I hope she dies.22

“Okay, girls! Back on the field!” Our incredibly masculine coach, Coach Mel (they claim short for Melanie, I’m saying Melvin) called, blowing her whistle at an ear-piercing volume. “We’re going to start a pick-up game! I’m splitting you into two teams! You’d all better be quick on your feet for this one!”23

Oh, gods. I’m going to die.24

I ended up on Amy’s team. She was captain of Team A, so I had to take orders from her. I know, how degrading! I had to keep biting my tongue from shouting “SHUT UP YOU SKANK! YOU STOLE MY BOYFRIEND!” Well, would-be boyfriend. I’m sure if she was out of the picture Andy would so be mine. At least I like to pretend that’s what’s keeping him away from me, not the fact that I’m a total loser…but I digress yet again.25

“Okay team, I’m thinking a 5 person pass play,”  Amy said in a husky whisper after we were all huddled around. “I’ll be one. Sadie, you be two. Natalia, you’re three, Kaylee that makes you four and you,” she pointed at me, “are lucky number five. The rest of you guys? Keep five open at all times, and cover her on her break away.” And with that, everyone spilt up went to different spots on the field, leaving me standing there, dumbfounded.  Uh, what just happened? I’m what with the who now? And what is a break away? Oh gods, I really am going to die!26

“You go stand to the left. When Amy gets the ball, run up there and stand in the middle of the field. We’ll pass it around, and then Kaylee, right over there in the red, she’ll pass it to you. You run up to the net and shoot, okay?” Natalia, a grade ten with long light brown hair whispered to me. “I was lost my first day, too. You’ll get it.” I smiled gratefully at her and walked over to my spot on the field. Maybe this wouldn’t be so bad after all.27

Amy got the ball right away and as I ran up to the middle of the field, I heard a deep male voice shouting.28

“Go Amy!” I looked over and saw him. My Andy, standing by the bleachers watching us. His hair wasn’t dark blue anymore, but was now a deep purpley-red that reminded me of a vampire. He was wearing a black sweatshirt that said “SOCIAL DISTORTION” on it, whatever that means, and his trademark cut-off army pants. I was so captivated by his presence I didn’t notice I had stopped in an exceptionally slippery patch of mud. Or that Kaylee was aiming the ball in my direction.29

“Heads up!”30

I looked up just in time to see that dirty, grubby ball flying straight at my head. It smacked me hard, right on the side of my face and the force pushed me back. My feet slid in the mud and I landed flat on my butt, twisting my ankle in an unatural way.31

“I said heads up!”32

Natalia and some other girls had to lift me up and help me back to the locker room. Someone got an ice pack for my ankle, which Coach Mel claimed was “only a sprain.” I guess it was just my pride and dignity that had suffered a severe blow, this being what? The seventeenth time I’ve done something stupid and embarrassing in front of Andy?33

Needless to say, I didn’t make the soccer team. But one my way out, I passed by the school bulletin board. This week, there’s band rehearsals, auditions for the upcoming play and a meeting for any grade nine that wants to join student council. Look out, Percy’s Academy, here comes Ariel. Step two will be continued, and Andy Johnson will be mine.34