Once upon a time there was a brave little boy named Anthony. He wasn't afraid of anything.... well almost anything. He wasn't afraid of monsters, lions, snakes or dragons but Anthony had a secret fear. Anthony was afraid of the moon.1
Every night his mother would tuck him into bed and kiss him goodnight. As she got up to leave the room he would beg her to close the curtains. "Momma," he would say "The moon. I can see the moon, close the curtains." He would cry.2
Finally, Anthony was tired of being scared. After his mother left the room, he took a deep breath. Gathering his courage he went to the window and pulled open the curtains. His eyes went to the dark sky and began searching for the moon.3
Not seeing anything in the dark sky, Anthony turned to back to bed. When suddenly he heard a weary whisper.4
"Little boy," said a voice from above "why are you afraid of me?" Asked the moon shyly.5
Anthony met the moon's gaze and replied "Because you always look so mad."6
"I'm not mad." said the moon. "I'm sad. None of the kids ever play with me. They all want to play with my brother, the sun."7
"Silly moon," Anthony replied "it's not that we don't want to play with you. Our parent's make us go to bed when you come out. We would love to play at nighttime."8
"Really?" Asked the moon.9
"Of course. I can't come out and play with you at night, but I can talk to you before I go to bed." Anthony told the moon.10
"You would do that?" The moon asked in disbelief.11
"Sure," Anthony said. "I have to go to bed now, but I'll talk to you tomorrow night. Good night moon."12
"Good night Anthony" said the moon.13
Every night after that night Anthony would go to the window and talk to his new friend. He would tell the moon all about school and the silly people that he met. 14
Anthony was happy that he was no longer afraid of the moon, and the moon was happy that he was no longer sad.15
The End16
Author notes
This is one of my son's favorite stories, it was inspired by a friend's childhood memory. Please let me know what you think.
-Kat
What did you think? Please comment!
Comments
1 - 27 of 27
-
Fantastic Children's Writer!
I loved this story the first time that I read it, it's one of my favorites that you have written, you have a wonderful knack for writing Children's stories and I am very pleased to have you in this contest! -
Thank you so much for your critique. I have gotten a lot of positive feedback on this, but very little editiorial comments. I have made a few changes to this and I was hoping you could read it again and tell me what you think. Thank you again.
Kat -
In the first two lines of your story you mention little boy twice, seeing as it is just there to describe him I would take it out from one of the lines.
Lines four and five would sound better if connected by a but.
"Momma," he would say "the moon. I can see the moon, close the curtains." The correct grammatical way to do this sentence would be: "Momma," he would say, "The moon. I can see the moon, close the curtains."
In the third paragraph I think it might helpful if you said something more like finally one night just so that we know that the second and third paragraph don’t go together. Unless of course they are both from the same night and then just ignore what I just said.
I loved this! It was such a good story for kids especially that’s this creative. I’ve never heard a children’s book like this
I do however think you could work on the length and make this a wee bit longer. Just a suggestion because the end seemed to come so fast.
-
excellent
I think this is an excellent children's poem in that it has the two main criteria for that genre: entertainment and a moral. I believe it is pretty hard to write on a level that will appeal to children, and you've done it quite well. You've also left them with something to think about, like don't prejudge as one of the earlier commenters pointed out. Excellent job! 
~Weldon
-
This is so great! I love children's stories. They're always so wonderful, simple, but so full of meaning and life lessons. It's just the best kind of story sometimes. If I had children, I'd tell them this story.
-
This is a great story. I am going to read this to my children. I love it love it love it.
You have done such a wonderful job creating this.
I have been busy and not had the time to come read the post here..but I have been missing alot...I can see.
LIZ -
Bravo!
Oh Kat! this is a wonderful story, It reminds me of a story that my Mother told me as a child...something about why the moon always follows us wherever we go...it was in Italian, but, it was very similar to this story. I enjoyed this read very much, you did a wonderful job! -
A good story, one with a very special lesson. Fear is very often self induced by misunderstandings. YOur story makes a point about pre-judging without knowing the facts.
I can see why this is onoe of your son's favorites
Thank you for entering the contest
Granny Goose
-
Its so cute..That would stink to be afraid of the moon, even though its really big. I am afraid of spiders. I can't stand them. This is good though. ~Sarah~
-
this would make an excellent kids book lol, you did a great job writing this story, i wasnt bored at all through the whole thing!!
-
It's a very sweet children's tale. Now, I understand that the length may be appropriate for children, but I do think it would benefit from being longer. It seems very rushed, especially when the boy is talking to the moon - there's no sense of what the boy, or the moon, is feeling. However, it was a very sweet story that I'm sure any child would adore. Thanks for entering it in the contest!
-
well, before I made a comment saying a would read this to the kids I babysit, and I read it to them! THEY LOVED IT!! I liked how it was short enough so that I could easily tell it, and the kids just loved it! They thought It was funny how he was afraid of the moon, you should get this published, its the perfect bedtime story!
-
I would be honored if you read this to them. Please let me know what they think .
Kat -
AWSOME
THIS IS SO CUTE! omg I loved it, if u dont mind next time I go to babaysit im going to tell them this story, you should deffinetly have it published, its so sweet! Keep it up~
~kate~ -
RoX HaRD
Wow. Be a childrens writer. You will make a killing. -
Wonderful
I loved this. It would be awesome if you could have it published as a children's book because I sure would read it to my grandchildren. It's so sweet. -
Another wonderful children's story I think your stories are so perfecr for the children..... a lesson in each one, good visuals and delightful to read
Another job well done
Dee
-
Thank you so much for the correction. I have made the revision.
-
'He wasn't afraid of almost anything. ' That's an awkward sentence, as well as, 'Asked the moon asked shyly' Messed up the flow of the story...
Other than those two things it's a good story. I like how the simplicity of the story adds to the ending as a whole. How simple kids view the world but yet those things are what matters most to them. It's a powerful message. Even if that's not what you were going for it's what I got. Thanks for sharing.
-
AWE!!!!!!!!!!!!!! its so cute! you did a great job!!!!! is your son's name really anthony? i love that name.. how old is he... andyways... great story!
-
aww, that's incredibly sweet! children are so full of wonder and amazement...writing about them is so bittersweet. great job on this, i give it clappy hands.
ps. your son sounds like a doll!
<3becca -
Fantastic!
I believe that this could actually be publishable, as I was reading it, all I could think of was those cute pictures you always see with the little boys in there blue baby grows with there teddy in the hand looking over the window sill at a huge moon, not sure if you know what pictures I am talking bout but I do, anyway, I think that this is fantastic, there is nothing better than the stories our parents made up.
***Stangeangel*** -
Great!
A story any child could relate to
It is enjoyable and entertaining all at once...
It's also too short makes you want more!
Keep writing!
Peace!
Claude -
Haha. This is a very cute little story. It reminds me of stories they make for little kids. It's short and simple. Good job.
-
It's a very cute story, and kids always know the good ones.
You do have a few errors though such as disbelieve in the 10th paragraph should probably be disbelief.
All in all this really is good for a short story. -
This is the cutest. You have a wonderful writing style.
-
Awww this is adorible, I enjoyed it!
Adding your comment:
1 - 27 of 27
