Five days ago.

It'd been three and a half days since I'd slept.1

Four and a half days since I'd moved.2

Five days since I'd eaten.3

Three minutes since I'd cried.4


My life had begun to take on this dangerous pattern. I only ate or drank when forced, and movement was not an option. I hadn't changed out of the sweatpants and thermal shirt I had worn that day. He had said I looked beautiful. I had laughed at him. I wasn't beautiful. Not anymore, at least.5

I sat in the windowsill, staring blankly at the snow. It was cold, the windows were open, but I was too numb to care; inside and out. I sighed deeply every so often, and I could feel the worried eyes of my family on me. I didn't care. They had warned me I would get hurt, but they didn't see this coming, and no one thought it would hurt like this. They just didn't understand.6

All I could think about was him. His broad shoulders, muscular arms, dazzling eyes, smiling face, his tall shape, and the way it fit with mine. The way he could cradle me in his lap, arms wrapped around my waist with his chin buried in my neck. My arms tangled around him, kissing his head, the feel of his warm body on my slender, always-chilled one. People would envy us, as we tickled one another, kissing and giggling, anywhere we went.7

It was hard to believe all that was only five days ago. I had turned into a zombie since then. My eyes were dull, my skin pale, my slender figure ever slenderer. My cheeks were scarred with tear tracks, and my arms were scarred with other things.8

It was pain that, five days ago, I never thought I'd experience.9

I sigh, softly this time, and continue to stare at the vast snowy expanse before me. As I do, a short trail of tears begins again. I restart the count: zero minutes since I'd cried. My brown eyes had lost their sparkle, faded. The tears only dulled them further.10

"Jasper," I sob, "You promised... you promised!" And with that, I cry harder. I don't try and be pretty about it. I let it all out, I try and cry it out of me, to avoid crying any further, but I know there will be more tears. I know this pain will never recede.11

I close my eyes to try and squeeze them out. I pull my knees close to my chest, and rock. I try silently to convince myself to stop, but that day, five days ago, just repeats in my mind.12

Tuesday. It had begun at five. I had been out of school for an hour and a half and I went to meet Jasper, as usual. Every day he picked me up in the school parking lot, his green truck obvious in the crowded lot of sports cars. It was old, and even from a distance I could see his brilliant green eyes beneath his mid-length brown hair. His smile beckoned me every afternoon, and his soft pink lips placed a light kiss on my left cheek upon my entry to the car.13

This day was no different. I stepped clumsily, as always, into the big green truck. And, as always, he chuckled as he outstretched his arm, slithering around my waist to gently plop me on the seat.14

"Hello, baby," he'd coo, sending me into fits of giggles as always. "How was your day, Tobie, sweetie?"15

"Better now," I'd reply with a peck.16

He'd always grin at my shy innocence, always. At my age, I still felt awkward being with anyone older, and Jasper was indeed older. He was twenty four, and I was a mere seventeen, but we decided to not let age define us, and he agreed to go at my pace. I knew he was more experienced than me, and that I was probably not his first true love as he was to me, but his loving care for me showed that he wished I had been. It felt nice, I was loved, and I was in sweet, sweet love.17

He drove the big, clunky truck around the parking lot once before exiting for our normal hangout - the park.18

I flitted around with the radio, finding one of my stations that I knew he despised. It was a classic rock station, I even remembered the song, "Like A Rolling Stone," by Bob Dylan. Five days ago, it was one of my favorites.19

"Babe," he'd say with a faux sternness in his voice, "couldn't you just put on one of those stations with the hits?"20

I'd shoot him my infamous, devilish glance, and reply quickly, "Nope."21

He'd sigh in defeat, as usual, and chuckle a little, "You're lucky you're cute, Tobie. And you're far luckier that I like you, or else..."22

We'd both laugh, and we'd pull into the little green park. It wasn't really a park, but a small island in the midst of a busy street. It was grassy, and there was enough room for the two of us, with a small bench and a few trees we liked to sit in or under. 23

This day, five days ago, he sat above me on one of the low branches of the tree, while I leaned on his legs. We were at a comfortable height for him to run his fingers through my hair, while I closed my eyes to the afternoon sun. It was chilly, a lovely late fall day, but I had never been one to dress for the weather. Despite the sun, I shivered.24

Five days ago, I remember thinking how misleading thermal shirts were, I remember shivering intensely until I felt warm arms slide around me. I remember those arms. I remember that warm figure slipping around me, cradling me close to an unnaturally warm body, I remember.25

The tears come harder, faster, slipping down my cheeks. I rest my head on my knees, trying to hide my pain within myself. I fail, and I can hear the worried sighs of my family from across the room, the closest they will come to me.26

I hadn't cried this hard five days ago. It had happened so fast, I hadn't had the time. Five days ago, I promised I'd be strong, I promised I'd try. I guess I was failing, and, realizing that, I let the tears come harder.27

With the tears, the memories come again. I can't stop them from coming, but I desperately try to. I tangle my hands in my hair and pull as hard as I can, trying to rip them from my head. I scratch and tear at myself, my skin, my clothes, my face; all I want is the thoughts to go away.28

But they don't.29

Five days ago continues to repeat painfully in my head. I watch in my mind as the thoughts continue, the thoughts of my sweet Jasper.30

I had rested in his lap for what felt like hours, glorious hours of warmth. He never moved, though I knew he must have been at least slightly uncomfortable, he never let me touch the cold earth. We'd sat beneath that tree for the entire afternoon, though it went by all too quickly. I had dozed off in his lap as he hummed me a soft tune, his warm breath coming right below my ear. I'd rested my head on his shoulder, smiling.31

And I remember, five days ago, I whispered to him, as if it were a secret for only us to share, "I love you, Jasper."32

I remember feeling his smile grow, I could sense the joy in him. His happiness melting with mine as he whispered back to me, "I love you, too, Tobie. I always will." He had kissed me softly on the cheek as my eyes fluttered into a gentle sleep. Five days ago, we were beautifully in love.33

But that was five days ago.34

Five days ago, us lovers left the park in the dark. We sauntered together, hands intertwined, quietly ambling, no need for words between us. There were stars in the sky, I remember, and we watched them as we mindlessly began to cross the street.35

The tears slow as I come to this part of my memories. It hurts so much to look back upon this moment, I don't want to, I don't know if I can. My mind has other notions, though.36

We had walked aimlessly across half the street, all was silent. It was a small town, no cars ever traveled this late, we had just walked, staring at the stars.37

The truck was in sight.
It had happened so quickly.38

I hadn't seen the lights.
So quickly, I remember, my eyes glazing over slightly.39

I hadn't heard anything either, wrapped in love.
I felt it only a second too late.40

The car; a speeding black blur.41

It came straight towards me. Jasper had been walking slightly behind me, my hand dragging him along lightly. I hadn't heard it, I hadn't seen it. Before I knew what was going on, though, I was on the ground. I had felt the harsh shove that sent me reeling forward.42

My face hurt, my arms hurt, I was slightly bruised, but none of that mattered.43

Jasper, I remember thinking, Where is Jasper?44

Thought had run through me frantically, and I forced my weak legs up. Where is he, I had sobbed, is he alright?45

I couldn't move. Standing, I had seen him. He laid on the street, blood shone in the starlight and he was face down. I tried to make myself go to him, to hold him, to feel him, find his breath, his heart, something, but I couldn't move. My heart had beat fast in my chest, and I didn't even feel the harsh shivers pulsing through me. I remember falling to my knees, inches from his body.46

As I recall this last piece, my tears start up again. I try and hide them, hide the guilt, the desire for death, the hurt that I can't rid myself of. I can't hide it, and I scream. I moan from the agony I feel inside me, the ripping of my insides.47

Five days ago, I had sat in a hospital. I had sat with my love, while he bled from wounds that should have been mine. I sat with his hand in mine, his cold, cold hand, I held it for hours.48

I had walked through the hours in the hospital in a daze. I couldn't fathom what had happened. The moment the nurses allowed me to, I found Jasper's room. I could hardly see him through my tired, worry-filled eyes. The moment they found him, though, I was drawn to him. I sat on the edge of the bed, and I had stroked his hair. I had held him close, and I apologized.49

Hours later, I had found myself in a chair beside his bed, I was still in a daze. I didn't remember the hours I'd spent there, I couldn't tell how long I had been holding his now-pale hand. I didn't know how long I had watched the blood-stained arms lie still at his sides. I didn't know when his happy face had looked so solemn. I didn't know how long I had watched his pain intensify. His eyes had fluttered open, but they had lost all dazzle, all spark, all will to live.50

"Be strong, Tobie..." he had whispered through his obvious pain, "I'll always love you."51

I had felt him go limp before I heard the monitors screech. I had sobbed softly, trying to do justice to the promise I had just made silently.52

That was five days ago.53

It hurts too much, Jasper. I can't keep this promise to you.54

"I love you, Jasper," I whisper to myself, "I'll always love you."55

I let the tears fall, I let the pain course through me. I crumble silently, my insides shattering. I release myself finally to the pain. I was done fighting it.56

Five days ago I had been whole, but...57

That was five days ago.

Author notes

I'm pretty proud of this piece, though I have a feeling there's tense issues.
Fix 'em if you can, I suppose.
Surprisingly, I found the tragedy-esque material really easy to write.

A contest entry

How were you five days ago?

    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
    : Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have 0. (?) (Line numbers)
    Ratings:

Comments

1 - 40 of 40

  • On.Cue
    September 20, 2008

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    I loved the beginning, middle, and end.

    I think you left me pretty speechless with this.

    Awesome, amazing, great job!

  • JansTheWoman
    September 15, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    Five days ago. Sigh so sad

    Good luck in the contest


  • Cupcake14
    September 9, 2008

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    well, i never cried much at these type of tragic romances (i like another type) but this story would certainly resonate with those who have just lost a person they loved deeply. The 'five days' thing was a repeated too much, but considering I can't write a deep story like this, I'll give you two applauds. :-)

    beginning: 3, language: 5, plot: 5, ending: 5, dialog: 5, characters: 4.


  • Valkyrie silver member
    September 7, 2008

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    I was peachy five days ago. Today, unlike your protagonist, I'm peachier.
    That was some heavy tragedy and sorrow there. I liked how you would rephrase things repeatedly in a row, like she was thinking them over and over, reminding herself or reliving that memory. Intense. So intense. And the story moved slowly, endlessly, for me, like I was caught up in her neverending sorrow. Totally dragged me into it there!
    Yeah, the tense issue. It wasn't too bad the way you have it though. The present tense is for now, and the past tense is for then. I got it just fine. Maybe if you put in separators or something, like *~*~* between the past and present. Anyway, I read it through with no problems, and wow. Wowitty wow. It was very all-encompassing with its emotional color. You actually made me think it was grey and cloudy out my window, when it's 85 degrees and perfectly clear. Nice work!
    Thanks for entering this in my contest. It was a privilege to read, and good luck to ya.


  • Kagamine Rin
    August 18, 2008

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    *claps*

    This was truly magnificent, yet beautifully sad. As I kept reading, the five words, "That was five days ago" kept running through my mind. The mood of the story was brilliant, and I actually felt sad for a change. So much description and emotion!

    This is so far my favorite sad story! Good luck in my contest!

  • Ladybug3151
    July 25, 2008

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    Wow, I love this story! You did an awesome job!!! I was stuck to the story the whole time!!! I really loved it! The imagery was very well! I felt like the person! It was just extremely amazing! I can't really put it in words! Sorry! It was very heart touching! Oh, and what made you come up with this idea, was it something you experienced, or how did it come up? I hope this didn't happen to you! Anywho, very good write! I loved it! You should get it published! (Make it a bit longer, add more length of the beggining of the two's relationship, make it more heart touching, make the relationship stronger, I don't know, I can't really say what." Well excellent write!
    ~Ladybug3151

    beginning: 5, language: 5, plot: 5, ending: 5, dialog: 5, characters: 5.


  • moonwriter
    July 15, 2008

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    I teared up. That was amazing. I'm going to have to add an honroable mention in this contest just so you can place. This was fantastic. I loved this! It was emotional and very well-written.


  • FlutezDOit Betta
    July 8, 2008
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    I LOVED IT SO MUCH U R A AWESOME WRITER!!!!!!

  • Rovingone
    June 30, 2008

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    So real. It was visual all the way through. I couldn't imagine what would end such a blissful relationship, then the answer jumped out like a car wreck. This was some fine piece of writing.


  • Aaez
    June 28, 2008

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    OH MY GAWD!!
    Five days ago I was cursing my job! But now it's the weekend. Heheh. Anyway! WAOOO!! I loved it! Both of your stories were incredible!!!! SHould I just make you the winner?!
    I don't know! I am sooo confused!
    BAH BAH!!!
    *dies*

    Great story, Sarah! I loves! I loves!


    • Noisome.
      June 28, 2008
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      Well.. I suppose anonymous for fairness is a waste of effort on SW's part. >.<
      Thankies!! <3


  • Kaira2
    June 24, 2008
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    INCREDIBLE!!!

    beginning: 5, language: 5, plot: 5, ending: 5, dialog: 5, characters: 5.

  • detty
    June 17, 2008

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    This was so sad I nearly cried! I could have, if I hadn't thought it was an Eclipse fanfiction, but that's my obsessing-over-Twilight fault, heh. But yes, you wrote this really well and it was so emotional, so sad for that girl! I liked how you shortened some of your sentences which really helped the effect. Really good write that was nice to read!

    Please read the rules and state the option and favourite flower please. (: Thanks for entering!

    • Noisome.
      June 17, 2008
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      Done! I'm sorry I didn't have the contest requirements! I had read the rules to this a while ago and forgotten to enter.

      I'm sorry this appeared to be an Eclipse fanfic.. I wouldn't even TRY to compare to Stephenie Meyer's work. That's just.. I.. wow. I couldn't do it! No worries, I am indeed a Twilight lover as well.


  • Fallen Star
    June 13, 2008

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    It isn't often I cry over stories, but this was so stunning, so heart-wrenching I found myself in tears. I love how you keep flashing back to the event, and then fill us in on her status. And the beginning was great -- it really hooked me!
    Keep up the great work!


  • Reaver Greeters member
    June 9, 2008

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    Well Done

    I enjoyed this-though, I found I skipped over some of the descriptions...sorry...I enjoyed the concept and it is flawlessly written, I just didn't resonate well with it.  Thanks for entering! Very well done!!


  • IxLovexElphiex
    June 8, 2008

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    Wow.
    Just...wow.
    This was really beautiful.
    I cried for your characters, because you set them up so well at the begining!
    I loved how you switched back and forth between the tenses. Its something that can be really confusing, but you wrote it really really well.
    Amazing emotion! This was a very good story to enter. I love tragic romance!
    The repitition of "five days" was clever too. I loved your begining. Really good!
    Thanks so much for entering and good luck!


  • Jellyfilled
    June 8, 2008
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    I've never cired so hard

    reading something i know nothing about, your writing made me feel like i was there, i was going through it all, and it hurt me so much to read it. that has to be the most incredible thing i have ever read, and i read a lot. i hope maybe one day i can express myself as well as you do. wow, i'm still tear-eyed!

    beginning: 5, language: 5, plot: 5, ending: 5, dialog: 5, characters: 5.

    • Noisome.
      June 8, 2008
      Edit | Reply
      I'm sorry this made you cry, but thank you so much for your comment. I really tried to put my heart into this wholly. I guess I succeeded. Thanks so much! <3 - Sarah.

  • Issei
    June 7, 2008

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    Very gooodd

    Hey this was a great story! Second in popularity for the week! that's awesome o.o
    The beginning part was really crazy because of how she was timing everything. I think it showed very well how sad and alone she was. Great Job!

  • LostBookWorm
    June 6, 2008

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    Excellent

    This was really breathtaking, one of the best poetry/short stories I've read of all time. It sounds like its coming from real live experience, continue on the great work.


  • Rosemary silver member
    June 6, 2008

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    Plenty of emotion

    You definitely have a handle on the pain and anguish. The back story behind the tragedy was nicely detailed.

  • Kalamina
    June 5, 2008

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    I liked this, yes it was really sad, but you did a great job with the descriptions and the way that you went back in the past, great write!


  • Adelaide Blood
    June 5, 2008

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    Wow sarah

    just wow... and i thought i wrote tragedies... that was... wow... just... wow... amazing.... wow... i liked it.. a lot... its... just... wow.....

    • Noisome.
      June 5, 2008
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      And I don't usually write tragedies.. They just flow so nicely... Perhaps you're rubbing off on me.. We are alike, maybe our writing is melding into a similar style! O.O *Ponders..*


  • Rosen Rot
    June 5, 2008

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    Oh wow, that was great =D
    It kept me engaged from beginning to end..
    unfortuantely, i spotted a tense issue.. and promptly forgt where it was. =\
    Anyway, beautiful story ^-^


    • Noisome.
      June 5, 2008
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      I knew there was something with my tenses that was funky! >.< Dagnabbit.

  • Seor
    June 5, 2008

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     I have the same comments as mostly everyone else. I like how you didn't just skim over the story using long and boring sentences. It's wonderful!

    I was also pretty touched. I think it's cool how you didn't just explaing what had happened since the very beginning, or else it would have been really no point of the story. It's great how you explain about what love can feel like, despite the age difference.

    I can't say anything else that the other's have. I can only wish you a great writing "career". You certainly have the talent for it!


  • Andy Vazquez
    June 5, 2008

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    Amazing Sarah

    this was truly intense, practically gripped me. saddest thing i read today. keep em coming! lol, ur stories really r amazing


  • perfect paradox
    June 4, 2008

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    Wow, an amazing write! It was really heart breaking and keeping my one my toes!


    My only itches were:

    Some grammar mistakes like "You promised... You promised". As you can see the second 'You' should just be 'you'. Most of your mistakes are really small. Also, when the number is under 100 *I think* it should be written out. So 5 would be five. You have a couple of those mistakes in here.

    I also wish you could add more feeling on when he died. Maybe a memory or two of his body being rushed to the hospital. Just a suggestion!

    I love the beginning and the ending! Thanks for following all of my rules. Good luck in my contest!

    • Noisome.
      June 4, 2008
      Edit | Reply
      Thank you for the grammar bits. I hate improper grammar. I understand the lack of details when he died. I meant to put more, but I didn't want to make it seem... mechanical, I suppose. I feel like with too many details it would have seemed like she was able to remember everything, and it's meant to be hard for her.. But I may go back and edit anyway. =D Thanks. *dashes off to make changes*


  • WhatALovelyDay silver member
    June 4, 2008

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    *sniffles* aawwwww.... This almost made me cry towards the end. Almost, but still, it's come closer than any of the other "heartwrenching" entries. But shhh, don't tell anyone

    Umm, I'mm pretty sure I didn't see anything wrong with your tenses, but.... O.O Well, it's ME you're talking to about tenses here, so don't trust my word

    I think that during the part where she was all lovey-dovey and the part where she and Jasper got hit by the car, the transition was a little too smooth, even though that's usually wahat people WANT... in here, when she was getting off the pavement and going over to him, I still had that lovey-dovey feeling in me. That's it, though ^-^

    • Noisome.
      June 4, 2008
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      I, too, was iffy on the transition to the accident. I felt a lot of it went by too quickly. I don't know... But I'm rather happy with it. I'm glad you found it heartwrenching..and it only almost made you cry? Darn.. I was shooting for a few tears.. >.> I tried. ^_^ Thanks for the feedback.


  • Sousuke
    June 3, 2008

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    o.o

    Wow sarah. That was great. You should write sad stories more often. It wasn't boring at all! You made me feel a connection with a certain someone I love very much and made me think of what it would feel like if that happened. I was almost tearing up! gosh. Keep writing forverrrr.

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