I walked up the porch steps, my heart pounding faster with every step I took. Just being there reminded me of Tom. Tom and his harsh ways. I shuddered and shook my head to remove the image.1
“Please don’t be home. Please don’t be home.” I whispered to myself.2
I rang the door-bell.3
Once…(Please don’t be home)…no reply.4
Twice…(Please! Please, don’t be home)…no reply.5
Thrice…(Please! Please! Please!)…no reply.6
Guessing he wasn't home, I let out a sigh of relief. Hurriedly, I grabbed the key from under the plant and rushed inside into the foyer. On the table next to the door was a note. 7
“Caleb, 8
I’m not at home, had a date. The notebook is in the closet in my bedroom. Seeya around.9
Mark.”10
I smiled at myself and threw the note into the bin. Looking forward I saw the staircase, and ran upwards to get to the bedroom. 11
The bedroom was large, it had a huge window on the left wall, and bed was placed on the right wall, facing the window. Decorated in very earthy tones, the bedroom had a very calming effect. Mostly because there was no other man giving me company. I saw the closet right in front of me. It wasn't really a closet, more of a cabinet. The book was perched right on the middle shelf, smiling at me. 12
“There you are!” I exclaimed, “My precious!”13
I laughed at myself over my enthusiasm. Grabbing the book, I quickly ran, making my way towards the front door. I was practically jumping down the stairs and I almost broke a vase. Once downstairs, I slid across the wooden foyer towards the front door. Upon reaching it, a grabbed the cold brass handle and pulled.14
“….locked?” I said to myself, feeling rather uneasy.15
Somebody grabbed my shoulder from behind, and I yelped in fear. Completely berserk, I let out a scream and tried to run only to be grabbed from the waist, being pulled back. I kicked and I screamed, trying to break free.16
“Hey, hey, hey, it’s me, Mark.” He exclaimed, “Calm down.”17
“Let me go!” I spoke loudly.18
He released me from his hold and I fell to the floor, almost in tears. My mind was racing too fast for me control. Those past few seconds reminded of months and months of torture. I wrapped my arms around myself to stop myself from shaking. I heard Mark run off, and then come back holding a glass of water. 19
“Hey, you okay?” he asked, holding the glass in front of me, "I came back a little earlier because Eric had to leave for the hospital." 20
I just looked down, drained out from that sudden burst of energy and not trying to look at him. He just held the glass water in his hand, looking at me with concern, but I didn’t take it. After a while, he put the glass down and sat back leaning against the wall. 21
I sat there trembling, still taken aback by the whole situation. It was a little embarrassing, but I felt too scared to even think about that. The one thing I kept thinking about was how much he confused me. He was so nice to me, and so kind, and he was not like I had expected him to be. But he looked so Tom-ish, I couldn’t help but feel completely uneasy around him.22
We both just sat there for fifteen minutes. I guessed he was hoping for an explanation or an apology even, and I figured I owed him that. 23
“I…I’m sorry.” I spoke quietly, still looking down.24
“Oh, it’s alright. I didn’t realize I would scare you this much. If anyone, I should be sorry for startling you.” He replied calmly. 25
I finally looked up at him. He smiled at me and noticed as I looked towards the glass of water. He got up instantly and picked it up, handing it to me. I gave him a weak smile, and drank the water, feeling as if it poured through my nerves, calming them down.26
He sat down again, closer; a little too close for my comfort. How could he not tell that I was uncomfortable when he got close? I shuddered a little, as he sat down. 27
“What?” He raised his eyebrow.28
“Nothing…” I looked away and got up, “I guess I should go. Thanks for the notebook. Where did it go now?” 29
I began to look around, hoping to see where I had dropped it, trying my best not to meet his questioning gaze. He just kept staring at me, and I bit my lip as I awaited more questions heading my way. 30
“Caleb, what's up with you?” He shrugged, “Why do you have to act so detached. I have been nothing but friendly with you.” 31
I figured I had offended him by now. He had been really nice to me. But how could I tell him that he reminded me of someone that raped me almost every day? I know I would be really upset if someone told me that, especially if I had no such intentions. I just stayed quiet for sometime, not sure of what to say, until he came in front of me, holding the notebook. 32
“What’s up?” He said, handing it to me. 33
“I…don’t know. I mean, I can’t tell you. I mean, I don’t know.” I tried to look at him, but I couldn’t help it. 34
I turned to leave, but he grabbed my arm. I felt a chill run down my spine.35
“Caleb, you can tell me. It’s alright.” He gave me a warm smile, “Tell me.”36
I just let out a sigh, and nodded. He told me to go sit in the living room. He asked if I liked coffee, and ran off to make it, when I said yes. 37
________________________________________________________________38
I let out muffled screams of pain and despair as he tore off each and every inch of my clothing. Not able to move, not able to shout, all I could cry. But I had cried. I had cried so much. What more could I do? Crying obviously hadn’t helped. What more could I do? 39
(God, what can I do? Tom isn’t stopping, God. Please make him stop)40
I prayed to God, over and over again, trying not to pay much attention as Tom continued to try and make me bleed by the way he bit me. It never worked though. I could not finish my prayer once, which made me cry more. 41
(Tom! God can’t hear me. Please, let me finish!)42
I cried and I cried, as his kisses and bites went from my face to my jaw-line, to my neck to my chest. His hand continued to move from place to place, sometimes smoothly, sometimes, painfully. But still, all I did was cry. 43
He pulled off the gag around my mouth and started to kiss me again. I shivered and felt his tongue move inside my mouth, rather forcefully. He stopped kissing as he went to nibble on my ear. 44
"Oh God! Stop!" I screamed. 45
"No..not God. Tom. Say my name." He laughed. 46
"Tom, please. I can't take..." I couldn't finish as he bit my ear, hard. 47
I screamed. 48
"Shut up!" His hand hit me hard on my thigh, and I yelped, "I said, shut up!" 49
He hit me again, harder this time. And I bit my lip, trying to hold in my scream. It was too painful. I could feel my leg getting red. 50
I tried to resist as he again put the cloth on my mouth. But he only hit me again. 51
"This will only hurt for the first few seconds, okay?" He spoke with an evil grin.52
(Tom, please! No! Not again! It hurts the whole time! You don't know! Please! STOP!)53
_________________________________________________________________54
“Caleb!” Mark shouted, waking me up “You completely dozed off.” 55
I gasped and looked around trying to remember where I was. Once I had done that, I fell back into the couch, wiping the sweat off my forehead. 56
"You're worrying me." Mark eyed me with concern, "Having bad dreams?" 57
“Yea, just a little. I’m sorry.” I replied lazily, rubbing my eyes “I didn’t get any sleep last night after your message.” 58
“Why not? Why are you so afraid of me?” Mark handed me a cup of coffee, and sat down on the couch in front of me.59
He seemed pretty concerned, and I didn’t want to offend him any further. 60
I figured it was the right time to come clean.61
Author notes
SECOND CHAPTER!! WOOOT!!! WOOOT!!! I still have to edit this though! ALEX, Love of my life! I NEED YOU! T_T Edit this!!!
Be as critical as you want...just don't destroy me! T_T
Comments
1 - 22 of 22
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It's a relief that Mark turns out to be a good man, because Caleb doesn't need any more pain. She seemed to have had enough. Can't wait to read the next chapter. I wanna see his reaction to her confession.
Falling in love with this story. =)
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!!!!!!!
This little, horrible, deviant part of me is hoping
Mark turns out to be a maniac and he does unspeakable things to Caleb.
I guess that would make me a sick person.
But the other part of me is hoping it all ends well.
I like this, the dailogue runs smoothly and the narrative is
helpful but not over the top and obnoxious.
More, please.
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woohoooo, me likes. Very good dialog in this, smooth and nto at all jerky ! Superb job! Must go read the next. And I loved the way she's concerned about worrying him, even though she wants nothing to do with him, it's brilliant. He seems sweet, but I wouldn't trust him either. The flashbacks are an amazing touch, they completely zone the reader into thinking as Caleb is thinking. brilliant job !
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Wow I want more and more lol
This is such a great story and your a great writer
LOVED IT
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Just as good as the first chapter. Love this story.. keep writing. I'm off to read chapter 3 now.
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In paragraph 14, i think a grabbed should b i grabbed. ^^ in paragraph 19, i'd suggest changing me control to me to control. ^^ in 21 instead of not trying switch it to trying not. ^^in paragraph 39 change all i could cry to all i could do was cry. ^^
Now on to my review of the story! FANTASTIC!!! Keep penning and have fun. ^_^ This is really good Aaez. ^_^ You're a awesome writer. :P Keep it up. Luffle ya to pieces nephew-brother-cousin... er... however else we're related. :PIcy :f *wolf*
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Well, I can see why Caleb is always nervous around Mark.
A guy named Tom who rapes him every fucking day? Wow...
That would be enough to make everyone insane.
Very sad. -
WOOT
this rocks! Okay so I think I have figured it out. Caleb is gay right? Am I right? And Tom is this guy who keeps raping him? Correct? Okay I got it I got it...off to read the next!
P.S.
This is Marion Du Coudray by the way. I am on my Boyfriends account.
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great writing..scared me >.> so has to be pretty awesum! oh yeah tom-ish better say tom-like
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I love. This comment will not be as detailed as the last one simply because I'm stunned to the point of partial silence. I'm completely hooked, and would really love more. The writing is wonderful, and the characters just keep developing to wonderfulness. I especially like how you don't make Mark creepy as a character himself until we hear Caleb's thoughts about him. That's something hard to achieve, I think. More, please? ^-^
beginning: 5, language: 5, plot: 5, ending: 5, dialog: 5, characters: 5.
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YES YES! MORE! I SHALL WORK ON IT FASTER!
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omg... it so drepressing... I LOVE IT! PLEASE WRITE MORE SOON!
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Heavy stuff you've insinuated here! The reactions and the thought processes described really help us feel for the character and hope that he will open up. As mentioned, there are some corrections to be made, but this piece is very well organized and intense. I'm looking forward to reading more.
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This story has me enthralled. I really really look forward to the next part. I need to know what happens!
Very well done! You have some grammar problems, but wont harp since unedited. Again, i loved it! Durian.
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still good
continue plz -
As I said before, I NEED MORE! How dare you not supply me with your wonderfulness-ness! Just kidding.
But seriously, it was amazing again! you write so simple its perfect. I hate you! (jks)
"Don't leave me hanging man!" -
Can I please have more now..I mean it for christ sake Aaez this is just beyond brilliant..I am hooked literally like a drug to your every last word !!!
I really very much enjoyed how this panned out- the constant reminder can be a living hell...trust me I woild very much know these kinds of things.
will he or won't he come clean~ Tis the answer
Now hop to it Mr and get writing <3
Blair -
Blimey, you do not know how many times this has happend to me, every fucking time I find someone nice they remind me of my father or brother in some way, its hard to get close to someone when that stands in the way.
great write though! even though it made my stomach turn the entire time. very nice.
Damian
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is there potential for romance here?
I have a feeling that there will be ^.^ and its looking gd
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*gallops in on a noble steed wearing newly polished armor* I AM HERE!!
Holy shiz Aaez, you did really good on this one I actually had to read through this twice to find any errors, 'cause the first time I was too busy reading to notice any O.O 
*claps for you*
Okay, time to put in the few things I found that need to be edited ^_^
♥ (1)"I figured he wasn't home and let out a sigh of relief."
Although it's not initially the impression I got, this makes it sound like the same person who wasn't home let out a sigh of relief To fix that you might want to put a comma after "home" and write "I" before "let out".
♥ (2)"The note-book is in the closet in my bedroom."
There shouldn't be a "-" after "note" ^_^
♥ (3)"I smiled at myself and threw the note into the bin."
Visualizing this part might be a little easier if you put in a little bit about where the bin was, like next to the sink or something ^_^
♥ (4)"The bedroom was large, it had a huge on the left wall, and bed was placed on the right wall, facing the window."
It had a huge WHAT on the left wall? O.o
♥ (5)"It was not really a closet, more of a cabinet."
"Was not" should be "wasn't", most connecting words
♥ (6)"Grabbing the book, I quickly ran back down. I was practically jumping down the stairs. I almost knocked down a vase along the way. Once downstairs, I slid across the wooden foyer towards the front door."
This whole part kind of needs to be reconstructed -_- You just say "down" way too many times nad it ends up sounding repetative
♥ (8)Okai, on elast concept that's irking me. In paragraph 21 you say that Mark hadns Caleb the glass of water, then you mention in paragraph 22 that Mark is still holding hte glass, then in paragraph 27 you say that Mark picks up the glass and gives it to Caleb, but you never mentioned that Mark had put the glass down, AND you had already said that he'd given it to Caleb >.< CONFUSING!!!
♥ (9)“Caleb, what is up with you?”
"what is" should be "what's" ^_^ CONNECT THE WORDS!!!
Well, al done ^_^ *huggles* You did a really good job on this one ^_^
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OMG Aaez! This is sooooo good! Quit leaving it as gosh darn cliff hangers though... But I guess I will be coming back for Chapter 3 then, to find out what happens ^_^
Great job! I love it and keep writing!
LJ
beginning: 5, language: 5, plot: 5, ending: 5, dialog: 5, characters: 5.
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Great story background
Good suspense building and totally enjoyable. Yes it needs a little editing but most of the errors are simple ommissions. Great work
beginning: 5, language: 5, plot: 5, ending: 5, dialog: 5, characters: 5.
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