Insecure Eyes Chapter 4

Part 51

I couldn’t sleep that night. All I could think about was Confidence. She was such a great person, though I’d never really seen her face. She was so quiet, so placid, but so very sad. Confidence always looked as if something devastating had just happened to her. All I wanted to do was make her laugh. Just once. 2

The whole week, we hung out on the bleachers at lunch, listening to Rise Against, and talking about movies and music. I began to look forward to lunch everyday, just because I knew I would be hanging out with Confidence. 3

I learned a lot about her. She loved Rise Against and Bad Religion, and her favorite movie was a short animated film by Tim Burton called “Vincent”.  The whole time we talked, she didn’t seem quite as sad. Still, she was not happy. 4

I felt guilty hanging out with her so much, because Ashley grew quite jealous of our friendship. She often yelled at me for not sitting with her at lunch, and many times she ignored me in class. When she said I was being friends with Confidence out of pity, I figured I didn’t need to talk to her as much anyway. I really liked hanging out with Confidence. I didn’t need Ashley, and I didn’t need her pretzels. 5

Confidence was always so insecure about her talents. I often told her she should be a music producer for her taste in music, or an artist for her talent in drawing. However, she always just looked down and said she could never do something like that, and that there were plenty of more talented people that would be more fit for those jobs. I always told her to have confidence. It was our little inside joke, because it always made her smile. That was the closest to a laugh I could get. I was satisfied with that. 6

One day, Confidence ran up to me in the hallway after homeroom. She seem quite flustered. Her cheeks were red. 7

“What’s wrong?” I asked.8

She looked around frantically, then slowly pulled off her hood. I gasped. Her ebony hair spilled out in breathtaking spirals around her porcelain face, down to her shoulders. Then I saw her eyes. I almost dropped my books. Her eyes were the deepest green I’d ever seen. Long, dark eyelashes rimmed her big, sad eyes. They were a little red from crying, but still, they were the most beautiful eyes I’d ever seen. 9

Tears streamed down her rosy cheeks like rain. Then I noticed she was smiling. She looked so beautiful, I couldn’t stand it. 10

I touched her cheek gently, and leaned in closer. I smiled, then kissed her softly. I felt her grab my hand and kiss me back. It was so incredible I didn’t even hear the bell ring. I dropped my books and placed my hand on the side or her face. I don’t know how long we stood there together. I didn’t care. Time did not exist, until she pulled away. 11

She smiled at me and stared in my eyes. She looked around the empty halls, and laughed, finally. Her laugh was the most glorious sound in the world. She hugged me tight and whispered in my ear, “I will never forget you.” 12

I was startled and confused. What did that mean? She smiled at me one last time, then turned and ran down the hall. 13

There was no way I could concentrate on schoolwork after that. I spent the remainder of my classes, day dreaming about her amazing eyes…14

The next morning, I arrived at school in good spirits, hoping to see Confidence again. When I opened my locker, I found something taped to the inside of the door. Removing it, I realized it was a burnt copy of the Rise Against CD, and a note. The note said:15

“Goodbye for always. Have Confidence.”16

I almost fell to the ground. Catching myself on the locker door, I realized that’s what she had meant when she whispered in my ear. I clutched the note tighter in my hand. That was it? She’s gone? I pushed the thought out of my head. Maybe she was just hiding out. 17

I ran to the bleachers in search of Confidence. No sign of her. I sprinted across the football field and hopped over the fence, into the woods. When I came to the clearing, I was out of breath, but determined. Something caught my eye. I turned towards the log, and saw her white hoodie neatly folded on top. I grabbed the hoodie and ran to my car. I had to go home. 18

When I was in the safety of my own room, I read the note again. I had to smile at our joke. I put the Rise Against CD in my stereo, pressed the play button, and lay down with the hoodie on my bed. She was gone. 19

Confidence was the saddest girl I had ever known. With the most beautiful, insecure eyes. 20