Part One: 2
Cocaine/Caffeine 3
I wondered if exhaustion could creep up on you, if it could slowly devour you, like a snake does to a large rat, slowly letting it slip into its skin. My muscles ached slowly, pinching softly, the tendons over stretched. I had reached even the limits of my new body which made me envious again of the leech. He would never grow tired, his muscles were dead, they didn’t need rest, blood, oxygen. I slowed to a crawl, resting on my stomach, becoming suddenly breathless. Snow blurred the surroundings, transforming it to a mere winter fog. It was a bad thought for the moment, yet I wanted her in my mind, to take away the tiredness and resurrect good feelings.4
I imagine we’d be sitting on the beach now, the soft warmth of summer creeping up on us, warming her face. She’d be glaring at the sea, hoping a hurricane to crush me but she would change her mind last minute. She would revel in her selfish ways and let me hold her to me, and play with her fingers. I’d give her a hard look when she looked away, hoping she hadn’t seen the sadness in my eyes, the longing of wanting to revel in my own selfishness. To take her and show her that my arms too could feel like home. That wouldn’t happen again though, that part of her, the part that loved me, wasn’t enough to keep her. That unnatural, that sickness, he had infected her with has eating her alive slowly. But I knew, deeply, in a way I didn’t want to accept, that she wanted to be diseased, cold and a blood drinker, even if for all the wrong reason. She wanted to die to live.5
I wished for the chance to show her, that I was good enough, that I was better than an addiction. I was safe, I wouldn’t hurt her. But she was lost to me, a druggie consumed in her next high, a druggie that would seek comfort in my arms when she had fallen from HEAVEN. She would use human feelings and a human relationship as her quick fix like a cocaine addict deprived and sullenly wishing for a high on caffeine. I would never be good enough, yet I was something she needed, not desperately but in a human way. Which was both soothing and aggravating. I wondered about her thoughts now, would she look for me? Would the sound of a twisted and aged motor bike split the air in half and send my heart splitting as well. No and I was stupid to believe such. So, so, so stupid. I was miles and miles away from Forks, miles and miles. So many unknown miles away.6
I sighed deeply, rubbing my noses with my dirty paws. I look at the path up ahead, all the same as the one behind... I sigh again, not sure of the path I must take. Again I wonder if she’s ever even felt in the slightest conflicted. For even a second, that she might have wanted me more. Even in the slightest, that would be more than enough to keep me running for centuries. Fate comes to mind, the philosophy of ‘Everything happens for a reason,’ and anger swells in my chest, the fur all around spiking in it’s defensive way. This was not meant to happen, this is a human addiction to something just as dangerous as any narcotic. Every kiss he gives her (that she takes) a form of gluttony in it’s highest.7
A starling growl erupts from my chest as if this beast of anger has just been release from a locked cage, hungry for it’s next meal. The beast is caught in my chest, the fur on all my body spiking in an unusual, primal sort of way. I was a monster. Sudden energy took on my muscles and I felt a jitter just as that cocaine addict, losing themselves and their souls in the ecstasy.8
The trees are a blur as I past by them, every muscle in my body straining with newborn strength. Behind me, a tornado of wind, dirt, and flora whorl in my passing. I can smell the refreshing scent of clear water, hear the fish jumping to the surface for a glance at the drier world. Before even a moments thought of thirst or hunger, there is wetness at my feet and I’m flying. The lake disappears behind me just as the rest of the world. Eventually the snow has gone, melted away by the current of my run. The familiar scent of Forks enters my brains and triggers a whole set a memories, to the last time we spoke. Before I had the courage to leave.9
10
‘I really don’t understand...I mean, isn’t it horrible? Being so obsessed with someone?’11
She won’t look at me, her breath is harsh and began to trap in her lungs. She stares out to the ocean, observing as the waves consumed the land and return it after a simple taste of it’s sandy/rocky flesh. I caress her shoulder, taking in the subtle coolness of her skin. To Edward, I assumed she would be terrible hot, like me to her? It was hard to see anything in common with him. Only she was an acceptable connection.12
‘Isn’t it horrible that you’re still breathing?’ She sighed, regretting the words as fast as she had spoken them. That was her though, saying things without meaning them, without tasting them for potency. Like having possibly contaminated spreads and using them without the slightest consideration. Her movement is soft as she turns to me, her face dropping down, her smile faded into a memory of the past. ‘You know I don’t mean that...’ Her hand rubs against my cheek, like a cool breeze in spring and fading just as quickly. I want to say, I know bella...but it gets caught in my throat, my tongue holding back the words because, I don’t actually believe them. ‘Jake?’ The moment of silence has passed too long for her and she’s moving anxiously toward me, the smile fading more so by the second. ‘Say something...please?’13
I look to her, hard eyes and all, taking my hand from her. A rough rock rotates in my palm, moving around and around till it is nothing but ragged dust. ‘Sometimes it’s really hard...’ The words are caught again, not by disbelieve but by guilt. By her face that is slowly dropping to her knees, by the soft tears locked away like badly caged criminal behind her eyes. ‘To believe you...’ Even I have my moments when I wish I could take it back but as much as I would wish I know that she must know the truth behind that heart of lies. ‘There’s other stuff that’s not easy...’ I say, grabbing at the sandy shore to a rock that is innocent of any crime yet is sent out to sea, exiled far across the blue abyss.14
‘Like?’ Her voice is drenched in anticipation and uneasiness, on the edge. I can’t bare to look at her.15
‘Well...’16
‘Well?’17
‘Like why you keep coming here...’ Another regret to add to the list, just one more to weight me down to my deathbed. ‘I mean, I know that I mean a lot to you...but really. Why keep drowning yourself in this pool you will never be able to completely explore?’ She is quiet again, her heart racing through all the muscle and bone, wanting to come and tell it of it’s selfish/heartless intentions. ‘C’mon bella, let’s be serious and live in reality for two seconds. Let’s get past the monster...’ It seemed this whole life of ours had evolved into so cheezy hollywood script. Her quietness is eating at my heart, telling me I should laugh and say ‘made you think...’ but I’m not sure if a brimming smile and hand touch can take away the potency of the words just stated. In the end I suppose I’m the one serve the spread to both her and I. ‘Do you really love me?’ It seemed a stupid question and I was expecting a hardy laugh. I did not get what I wanted.18
‘What do you mean, do I really love you?’ An question as an answer to a question.19
‘I mean, do you really love me...just what I said.’ I say, turning, my hands reaching constantly for my rocks to tossing into the endless stretch of blue. There is deliberation on her part, silence and picking of her poisons.20
‘No...’ I never knew that such a word, such a simple stupid little word could tear you down with such ease. ‘No, I don’t, Jacob.’ Her voice is thoughtful, her mind working ahead of itself, leaving me in misery. ‘It’s so– so beyond that...’ She looks away, catching her breathe and holding her hand out for the new born rain. ‘So much that it hurts...’ I turn to her, quietly, waiting to be taken in an embrace, ready to be struck down by fate one more time.21
‘It hurts both of us you know...’ I don’t say it to be mean, I say it to show her that I too love her so deeply, that I’m drowning myself ever second. ‘I mean...’ I wonder if any words could ever possibly change her mind, bring her a sudden epiphany and make her wish for my touch, for my love.22
‘I know... but I’m too selfish to give you up entirely...’ Like a cocaine addict sullenly taking a sip of caffeine knowing smile inducing easy. The sun on a clouded day.23
‘You make me seem like a daily drinking of Dr. Pepper. If you don’t drink me by noon, your head is gonna protest.’ I smile softly at her, reveling my little coke addict.24
‘I do need you, almost every day and if I could have you forever–‘ she stops, knowing the heart strings she pulls as she plays this song in the balance. ‘But, I love him more...’ I knew it. It wasn’t some unexpected tragedy, it was just torture to hold her for a second and know every second of it that she would return to him in the end. I look to the beginning of the forest, waiting for her to stop me, take me in her strongest embrace and tell me how much she needs me but she doesn’t move from the log, breathing softly, lost in the thoughts and I take my changes,25
I run. I run forever, run for her, run away from her, just run. I ran, I just ran so far away...I ran all night and day...the world fading away, like a dismal history, something I wish to forget and embrace all at once.
Gold trophy winner
Silver trophy winner
Honorable mention
Adding your comment:
I feel bad for him, its true, but Edward is better for Bella. 
