Once upon a time [which means that this happened long ago, and somewhere else] in the province of Trydsylvania, there lived a gentle and compassionate Rabbi named Abramowitz. He, his wife Zelda and their three sons lived in the village of Hlinka. His congregation were a peaceful, but foreign, enclave amidst the local Tryd population. The village, its hamlets, and all the land around, was part of the province controlled by a boyar named Vlad Vychansky. Vychansky was not a Tryd; but the son of a prince from an eastern tribe. He hated and abused the Tryds at every opportunity; extorting heavy ‘taxes’; and charging tolls on the roads and bridges. No one could go to the central market in the town of Loz without paying a toll, there and back. His soldiers too were from his tribe, and very loyal to him, obeying his every command.1
It was market day, and Rabbi Abramowitz wanted to go to Loz to visit his friend, Rabbi Aaronovsky. He set out early in the morning. As he came to the toll gate he saw the local Tryds lined up, with soldiers on both sides of the line. He watched as each Tryd payed his one zloty toll, then bend over so that a soldier could kick them in the rump. After being kicked, the Tryd could enter the road and continue their journey.2
When Rabbi Abramowitz reached the boom gate, he tried to hand over his coin and bend over for a kick. The soldiers stopped him. The sergeant said cheerily, “Please proceed on your way, honoured Rabbi.”3
Mystified, but thankful, the Rabbi went on his way. On reaching Loz he got into the line to enter the town. As before, each Tryd had to bend over and be kicked by one of the cruel soldiers. But, to his surprise, these soldiers also waved him through the gate unharmed. He went to see his friend, and they discussed this strange occurrence for many hours. Then Rabbi Abramowitz went to the market and bought some things his wife couldn’t find in their small village. At the town gate he went to offer his coin and bend over, when the soldiers again said, “Please proceed, honoured Rabbi.”4
The Rabbi shook his head in disbelief; but scurried on his way, still mystified. “Why,” he asked God, “are the Tryds abused, and I am given honour?” When he reached the village of Hlinka he again stood in the line to get passed the soldiers. “Surely,” he thought to himself, “the soldiers will be tired and cranky after a day on guard.” He approached the gate in trepidation. Again, the soldiers greeted him with deference and ushered him past the gate with a mile; all the time kicking every Tryd in the line. 5
“Please, Sargent,” he asked politely. “why do you kick the Tryds, but let me pass?6
All the soldiers burst out laughing; but did not let their good humour interrupt their abuse of the Tryds.7
When they had stopped laughing the Sargent leaned down and said patronisingly, “Silly Rabbi, kicks are for Tryds.”8
The Rabbi walked away muttering to himself; “Silly Rabbi Now I see; those who hold power can capriciously choose whom they will terrorise.” The Rabbi went home much enlightened; but wisely started wearing a book in his pants, and carrying an extra zloty in his pockets. “Who knows,” he said to his wife and sons, “when they will tire of oppressing the locals, and start in on us.”9
Author notes
“Silly Rabbi, kicks are for Tryds”: is adapted from a cartoon narrated by Edward Everett Horton, and based on the breakfast cereal advertisement “Silly Rabbit, Trix are for kids”.
A contest entry
- Deep Waters by EbonyMoxy.
475 points, ended January 19, 37 entries
• next story in this contest, remove from contest
Why do we choose to oppress minorities?
Comments
1 - 12 of 12
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um, it was ok. It doesn't really fit my criteria. But I did like it. Nice play on that slogan, though1 thnx for entering. -
Hilarious
I enjoyed that very much. At first I was just reading thinking, okay, interesting that they kick people. xD But then once I read the 'silly rabbi, kicks are for tryds' I immediately understood. And laughed. Great job. I wish our synagogue had a Rabbi I could repeat this to. =D
. Rewarded 6
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my-beautiful-rescue
G'Day,
Silly Rabbi was originally a "Fractuired Fairy Tale" segment on Rocky & Bullwinkle; a TV cartoon show several decades before you were born. I altered it a great deal; and tried to subtly make an ironic comment about anti-semitism.
Well if your rabbi doesn't have a sense of humour, try the kantor. I think someone who understands Yiddish would get the joke and the irony quickly.
Shalom,
JG -
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Ahhh..Okay. I see what you're talking about.
An enjoyable story still.
And I just might try our cantor....xD
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my-beautiful-rescue
Hi,
Thank you for the additional feedback.
As the Shrek character says, "people are like onions...they have layers". Stories do too.
Take the layer that suits you best, and enjoy that. Don't be tied to the writer's opinion of their own story.
I hope your Cantor enjoys it!
Bye,
JG
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Excellent.
Very nicely done. Well written...consistent voice...quite credible. I didn't even see the "kick" coming! And...we even had a theme thrown in for good measure. Had me all the way to the "kick/punch" line. Tri(x)cky.
Cheerio,
GA
. Rewarded 4
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Gary Alexander
G'Day Ex-Jarhead,
Thanks for your read of Silly Rabbi.
I see you remember Trix cereal.
I took a punch line from Rocky & Bullwinkle/Fractured Fairy Tales, changed the story line, and added the 'theme'.
Humour is a great vehicle for carrying social commentary.
JG
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rofl!
Hehe. That sounds like my old Rabbi! Duhhhhh! “Silly Rabbi, kicks are for Tryds” I literally bent over laughing at this!
Really funny!
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Diddi
Hi Liz and Bob,
The Trix advert had a cartoon rabbit always trying to steal the box of Trix breahfast ceral; and the children outsmarting him, and saying: Silly Rabbit, Trix are for Kids.
In the original cartoon about Silly Rabbi, there were trolls guarding a bridge, and kicking every tryid that wanted to cross it. I decided to embellish it a bit.
JG -
Friesian
Hi,
Glad you enjoyed your visit to Trydsylvania. Do they still show that Trix advertisement on US tv?
No Friesian horses where I live; but lots of Friesian cattle.
JG
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I just knew there was a punch line somewhere! When I read it, it took me a few seconds to work it out and I don't even know the cartoon!
Good fun!
Lis
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