Kelly's Story

Some moments are frozen in time, trapped in an endless second. And if you think about it, really think about it, you realize the moments that stick so clearly in your mind are normally the ones you would rather forget at the time. Nevermind that in twenty years you might have become a better person because of the memories you'd rather forget. No, you'd rather erase your mind, start over, because in that unimportant second that pain you feel is the strongest pain in the world. Alyssa dosn't remember her first day of school, or the name of her first boyfriend. She doesn't recall her first award, or when she rode her bike without training wheels. What she does remember, her dad leaving, her first broken arm...the sight of her best friend crying alone...are clear, often too clear. Memories can be torture, she is a living testimony to that. 1

Alyssa sat in the back of the room, hunched down in her seat, far down so hopefully no one would notice her. Her left hand gently tugged her hood down, covering her icy eyes and auburn hair. She rested her head on her torn, battered khaki backpack in hopes no one would recognize her. She had no desire to speak, to giggle and say random things like last year. Not to anyone, not now that Kelly was gone. She would speak when absolutley neccasary, and simply. Her insignificant chatter that echoed through the memories of her ninth grade year played in her head, annoying, and ever present. She squeezed her eyes shut against the awknowledgment that she said everything that came to mind, but nothing had ever really came out. 2

She didn't raise her head when three girls sat in two rows in front of her, whispering softly. She heard her name, and then louder, " It was all her fault, she was suppossed to be her best-friend." Alyssa heard the disdain in the speakers voice, and didn't have to look up to know the face. Jackie Daniels, Brad's sister. Brad, who was Kelly's dream. Anger flashed through her at the thought of him, what he did. Then remorse, because what they spoke was true. It was her fault. All hers. She blinked back tears and remembered.... 3

"Ohmigawd! He is sooo hot!I am sooo in love. " Kelly digs her nails in Alyssa's arm, who smiles with amusement. Leave it up to her best friend to fall in love on the first day of highschool. She follows her friends gaze to the tall boy acrosse the hall. Dark hair that looked thick and soft, faded blue jeans, and a soft-looking cotton t-shirt was all she can see. He turns around, and she stares at a full mouth, and beautiful eyess the color of forest moss. Kelly sighs in awe next to her. She stiffens slightly as he catches them staring, and walks over with his friend. In a deep, rumbling voice he asks their names. Somehow they squeak them out, words are spoken, and Kelly is pulling up her sleeve to write down his number. Alyssa looks in confusion at a dark bruise barely concealed on her upper arm. Kelly catches her looking and yanks her hoodie sleeve, down with a smile, and a promise to call Brad that night. As the two juniors walk away, Kelly's expression plainly states she doesn't want to talk about it. Instead, they discuss Brad, and her chances with him.It was the first time Alyssa ignored the dread coiling in her gut, but it wasn't even close to the last time. 4

"Can I sit here?" A soft voice interrupts her memories, bringing her crashing back to reality. She is aware of the three girls' sitting quietly, listening. At her silent nod, the shadow sits down in the chair next to her. It was then Alyssa finally looked up at the packed auditorium. The different cliques were organized, and everyone but the scared looking freshmen was chatting happily. Everyone, that is, but her. She looks over at her neighbor, only slightly curious as to who would deign to sit in her self-served outcastism. She took in the dark hair, the black t-shirt, and scruffy, holey jeans. The person wore hot pink and baby blue checkered Vans. And he was also staring right at her. Alyssa stared back, straight into golden eyes that looked like liquid. He gave her a heart-stopping half smile, and Alyssa nodded back. Jackie and her friends had resumed talking, disinterested in the silence that was sure to continue. Headphones hung over the collar of his shirt, which had proven to be one of those stupid shirts with sayings Kelly had hated so much, but loved to read. His bag was colored in bright paints with sayings and song lyrics. And the boy was talking. 5

" Hey, I'm new here. My name's Jaden Owens. But you can call me Jay." He said in a voice someone would use with a skittish animals. It was undeniably deep, and made for talking to girls. The crooked smile returned, a small dimple showing up in his right cheek. 6

" Alyssa Newton," she replied softly and quickly. She opened her mouth to speak, but her seat jolted suddenly, and a nasty voice asked where Kelly was. What did she do with her? Ditch her? She ignored it, and watched as Brad joined his sister with his friends. The larger group turned around and looked at her, then laughed loudly. " You can call me whatever you want. Everyone else does." She hated the pain she heard in her own voice, and hated even more that this boy could hear it too. 7

His golden eyes rested upon her face, crumpled in hurt. Her head was held high in defiance, but there was no mistaking the tears swelling in her eyes. She slung her bag over her left shoulder, muttered goodbye and ran out. Only when she hit the door did the tears spill, and her head hung in shame. She could hear the laughter quiet down as the principal began the beginning of school assembly. She walked to her first period, after ten minutes of crying in the last stall of the bathroom. 8

Peeking into the second-story classroom, she saw it was very nearly empty, with the exception of the teacher and class rabbit. A bunny, she scoffed, why am I not surprised. Welcome to your sophmore year Newton, she thought as she slipped past the sleeping teacher and took the far back corner seat. She stared at the brightly colored walls of what was suppossed to be her English Honors class. Again. Fish and suns decorated the walls, posters of Shakespeare and pictures of past students. Last year, this had been her favorite class, a place to discuss and read, escape into a magical world. Kelly had always loved to read, she recalled, her favorites were fantasies and romance. Looking at what she knew now, those genres aren't too surprising. Since Mr. Sampson was still sleeping, he did that alot last year as well, Alyssa got up and started to look at pictures of her freshmen year. Intently, she searched, eyes moving rapidly across the glossy papers of smiling people, working people, until she found it. Fighting back a million and one emotions, Alyssa looked at Kelly as she wanted to remember her, as she had always pretended to know her. 9

Kelly's long hair was pulled into a loose ponytail, shining in the bright sun, her tan standing out against the blue tanktop Alyssa had bought her for Christmas, her skirt, identical to the one Alyssa was wearing that second, was slightly crooked as she leaned against the tree seperating the two friends. A childish game of hide-and-seek on a field trip, the tree stood for something so real. It seemed like last year something had always seperated the friends of nine years. The tree, secrets, Dave. There was always something in the way. She reached out to touch the picture, pushing back memories of the summer, when the door burst open and her senior classmates filed in loudly. She snatched the picture from the wall, and dived into her corner. As Mr. Sampson finally snorted awake, she resented being in the advanced class. As a sophmore, she was placed in it because of test scores, but the seniors she was to learn with were none other than the Daniels' twins and the rest of the people who knew one thing about her. Then, straggling and alone, Jaden walked in. 10

Alyssa fought the urge to call him over, ignoring how she immediatley became self-conscience by his presence. She smiled shyly as he noticed her, and quickly walked to her, taking the available seat to her right. She didn't notice the whispers around the class because she was looking down, embarrassed by her behavior earlier. She was saved conversation though, by role call. Anderson, Baker, Barnes, ....Daniels, Daniels,....Newton, Owens... Richter... silence, and a lot of staring met that name. Stuttering escaped Mr. Sampson as he hurridley covered the name with a cough and a glance at Alyssa, who had resumed staring fixedly at Kelly's image. She saw everone turn towards her, including Jaden. She had decided to refuse to call him Jay. He's much more a Jaden. They continued with role in silence, and then started a discussion about their summer reading books. 11

Jaden watched Alyssa sit quietly through role, reacting only when one name was called. She had smiled when he came in, but now... nothing. She sat there, impassioned to anything, moving only to gently touch the photograph she held. He had deduced she was a sophmore between class, and couldn't help being impressed she was taking all senior courses at fifteen. From what he had also gathered from the blonde loud girl, Kelly had been her best friend, but everyone had refused to say what had happened to her. He was frustrated that it bothered him that much. But dammit, he wanted to know her. And he would. He ripped a piece of paper out, and quickly scribbled down a question. 12

Who's Kelly? 13

He slid the paper to her and stared straight ahead. He didn't turn when he heard a sharp intake of breath. He didn't move when he heard her writing furiously. He didn't breathe as he read her angry reply. 14

An old friend, and that doesn't really concern you does it? 15

No, but is it really all that difficult to tell me about something that bothers you? 16

She blinked at his reply, slightly shocked. Then she wrote four words and handed him the paper, but not befroe the boy who kicked her earlier noticed. 17

I don't know you. 18

And who's fault is that? 19

Alyssa sighed at his blatant attempt to blame her for not beginning an insant friendship. Well, excuse her for not wanting to befriend the guy just cause he was cute, and charming..and gifted with a wonderful smile and beautiful eyes.....Jaden chuckled under his breath when she crumpled up their note, his heart sped up a little at the word their, and threw it away. She ducked her head, he noticed, when the blnde and her twin looked at her. There was a story there, and he'd be damned if he didn't want to know what. 20

Jay fidgeted in his seat as he stared at his desk. First day of school, no work. Just talk and nonsense. What a waste. Nonconsequential chatter. EMpty words floating around on poofs of fluff. Poof. What an odd word, he noted. So....bushy and cottony. A placeholder for really important things. He hated placeholders, they were just ways to get around saying what you thought. He had an odd feeling the pretty girl next to him used a lot of placeholders. Alyssa left English with a ridicilous homework assignment. Write about the tragedy that was Kellys life. What do you feel? Apparently the adminstration felt students who were 'close' to her should vent their feelings in a healthy way. They had two months to work on it. Poor Jaden, she thought, he has to just piece together random information about Kelly. And information about Kelly would be anything but random. Kelly was typically spontaneous, light, love. She was everything. 21

"Seat taken," the voice of an angel asked, low and sweet. " I have a feeling that I'm going to need a lot of help with that English paper, and an even stronger feeling you will be the best gal to ask for help." Alyssa glanced up at his face, not really surprised to see him. She patted the grass beside her, and watched the hustle of the courtyard life rush by. 22

She closed her eyes against her memories and thoughts, then leaned aainst the tree behind her. Cool and relaxed in the shade, shre looked at Jaden through a slitted eye. Something, she wasn't sure what, made her want to tell this guy everything. But she couldn't. Not yet. 23

"She is the best person to ask," a sickly sweet voice crooned." After all, she *was* there." Alyssa stiffened when she looked up. Her. Jackie. The fake blonde, but very real bitch. Brads sister. Brad, who is partly responisible for Kelly. The cowardly bastard. And with her was the Prince of Jackasses himself, and a half a dozen giggling, tittering blondes. 24

Alyssa panicedly shot glances between Jaden and the school elite. She didn't want him to know, not this way. " Jackie, please not now." 25

"Oh, so you don't want the new boy to know youre a murderer? How cutely pathetic, you can't hide what you are. Or," she smiled down at Jaden flirtingly, " what you're not." Alyssa was torn between running away, and ripping the whore to pieces for even looking at HER Jaden that way. 26

She chose to retort. " I dont' pretend to be wehat I'm not. And I guess you don't either, " she looked pointedly at the low cut, high rising clothes. " After all, you let every one know you are a slut. Following in moms footprints are we?" Noone but Jaden heard the barely leashed pain in her voice behind the cutting words. And noone else heard her cry when Jackie narrowed her eyes dangerously and stormed off. And noone elses heart broke as he held her as she shook. 27

" Its all my fualt." 28

"Shhhh....c'mon babe hush." Jaden whispered softly. He was in agony, seeing her fall apart like this damn near killed him. He wanted to kiss it all away, make her smile at him again, hear the laughter that made her face light up. He wanted to her her happiness, see the light that had become his in the short hours he'd known her. " I'm here, talk to me...please." 29

He felt her struggling, fighting to get her composure and confidence back. THe little bit of pride and dignity that bitch had left her with. He held her tightly in his arms, stroking her hair, his golden eyes welling up with tears. Dammit if she didnt stop. He'd be damned if she didnt have an extremly strange effect on him. She relaxed against him, and he loosened his grip when the shaking stopped. To his surprise, she didn't pull away, which allowed him the right to notice how warm, and delicate she felt in his embrace. How RIGHT it felt to have her huddled next to him. The bell for second period had rang, but neither of them cared. Who needed PE? Pointless class in his opinion. 30

"Kelly was my best friend. We were inseperable." He gazed into her eyes as she spoke, which were unfocused and staring into a distance. " For years it had been just the two of us. See was my life, my everything. I knew everything about her I thought. And she listened to my problems. I never dreamed she had the ones she did... she was alone. And I thought I was enough. We had great lives it seemed. Until last year. Last year when she met Brad. He changed her, taking advantage of her childs infatuation. She never liked going home after her mom left. I thought her daddy was just a drunk. He was really so much worse. Brad kept her out, and in turn me. We partied. Alcohol, drugs, sex for her. We never let our grades dropped, but we hardly slept. We tried s hard to not let it show, our naivetie. One day, I walked in on Brad and Kelly tal-talking. They had become increasingly close, and I felt left out. I had intended to confrony her. But I saw her crying in his arms. He looked bored, like it had happened before," She saw it all. The spaced out look, the racking girl." She was saying things, things about her dad. He hit her. He called her stupid, and sometimes, if he was drunk enough, he touched her. He even raped her. She trusted him, loved him she thought. But he didn't care. He sat there holding her like you are me, but was probably thinking about his next football game. She was telling him things she never told me, and it pissed me off. But I let it go for thne. I didnt want to add anything to her stress. After that, things between Brad and Kelly got rocky. They fought all the time, and Kelly seemed so lonely. They went out one night, and she refused to sleep with him. She didnt know I was there, it was on a faceless date, and I wasnt sure what to do. So I left. They did this often. Then, he drugged her up, and rapedd her. He made her roleplay, and he was her father. Even worse, he did it in public, where everyone could see. He didn't care." 31

Jaden tightened his fist, and forced himself not to puke. His revulsion turned to anger towards the blonde jock, but he knew there was more to Alyssas story. And it scared him. 32

" He broke up with her the next day, and huiliated her. She told me she hated him, that she wanted to die. I knew she was upset when she asked me, the neglected friend, to stay with her. I had never been to her house before. She came to mine. Now I understood why. That night we talked about it, how everything had gone wrong. She showed me the bruises, the tapes her father made...the scars. I fell asleep with her in bed, and woke up to her screaming. I ran intothe hall, where her father was reeling around and beating her. She was bleeding. She screamed at me to run but I didnt. I grabbed my cell and called 911. The police showed within minutes, to find me holding her and him passed out. He's still in jail, and she came to live with me. But made it a week. She endured seven days of rumors and catcalls. Nasty words and prank calls. People slammed her into lockers, calling her a whore. And I didn't do anything." 33

Alyssa knew she should stop talking but she couldnt. She wasnt done, and had pain bottled up. Well, now she had popped the cork. 34

"I sat home one night with her, she was taking a bath. Kelly liked to take long baths to ease her mind. Water relaxed her. It soother the aches of her heart like a massage. So when she didnt resurface for a couple hours I didnt think anything. But she never showed up. So right before my parents showed up, I went in to check on her. I found her in the tub, wrists slitted with a little silent gun next to her. Half her head was missing. The blood was unbelievable. She was just lying there, and I screamed. My parents ran in, and wuickly pulled me out. They layed me down on the bed in my room, and called the police. It was my fault. I could have stopped her." 35

Her voice cracked, and she felt Jaden hug her."No," he whispered fiercely. " Its not you. She couldnt handle it. Brads the murderer." 36

She stared into hi eyes, begging him to understand, but wanting to believe him. 37

" Before she took the bath that day, I told her I was sick of her. I wanted her to stop caring what they thought. She didnt need to be so pathetic." 38

His golden eyes didnt waver as she cried. They lookeds at her in confidence. He really believed she wasnt to blame. Her last thought before it went black was, how very stupidly sweet of him.