Hitching a ride

Guess I missed my chance.1

Walking away from the accident, the most stunning sunset caused the pink clouds to incubate me in an eerie warmth, and I found myself curiously unable to escape. 2

As a result, I missed my chance. 3

Well, The light wasn't willing to wait forever without a soul to carry.4

Obviously it closed. 5

Thank God for you!6

Um...can I haunt you? 7

Be your friend? 8

Don't you worry, won't be too long; a couple of days at most. Then you'll be dead.9

How do I know? 10

Dead always recognize the dying silly!11

And to think, I was really worried there, I might not ever get home.

A contest entry

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Comments

1 - 9 of 9

  • Violette silver member
    June 20

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    Very raw and impacting indeed. I had no idea how this story would turn out but it definately wasn't like this. Great work, I hope to see more of your stories in the future.


  • Asfand
    June 17

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    Oh this was emotional, very emotional. The feelings were nicely written and it got the juices of the story flowing. I wish it were longer but sometimes brevity is great!


  • Rosemary silver member
    October 10, 2008
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    Good beginning

    I think you're onto something here. With a little work it could be a full story. Thanks for entering my contest.


  • Thorn-on-the-Rose
    September 23, 2008

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    Love it. A great read, very interesting, and very, hmm, I can't think of the right word.

    Well, it was amazing, to say the least, great job =DD

    -Dani


  • trekkergirl
    August 31, 2008

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    This is very interesting. Very good read. I even liked it. Very creative subject even. thanks for joining the contest and good luck


  • Naive.
    June 8, 2008

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    Oh, goodness. You know one thing I'm noticing that I really love about your writing? Everything FEELS right; every sentence means something, evokes some kind of emotion out of me. No word is a waste, because they all make me think or leave me with an unsettling feeling.

    I can't pick out a favorite part of this. The first and last lines are powerful, in my opinion. Although this line: "Walking away from the accident, the most stunning sunset caused the pink clouds to incubate me in an eerie warmth, and I found myself curiously unable to escape." is quite amazing and stands out to me. I also like the different "voices" in this, and how they switch (ie. "How do I know?" "Dead always recognize the dying silly!")

    Everything just works. It's incredible.

    -jj

    PS - Those other comments are painful to read, by the way. I think this is perfect as 100 words.


  • Peachy
    May 30, 2008

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    The middle bit would make a good start to a story, but I didn't really understand the rest. Original and it has potential.
    Interesting Write!


  • Elvenfairy
    May 29, 2008

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    this was weird. I think it would make a good story, but it just doesen't work as a one hundred word story. Thanks for entering it into my contest though


  • Shadow-Kissed
    May 28, 2008
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    lol

    this was awesome and humerous lol well done

    beginning: 5, language: 5, plot: 5, ending: 5, dialog: 5, characters: 5.

1 - 9 of 9