This is a subject I have spent many years on. I have been in three long-term relationships and have learned lessons from each. I believe all three where soul mates of mine. 1
Soul mates? An interesting and what I believe a misconcepted idea on what exactly a "soul mate" is. I believe we have many soul mates. Soul mates of both sexes that we have relationships of various types whether as a friend, a lover, a parent, a child, an enemy, or even someone you might now consider a stranger. Soul mates might come into your life for an hour, a day, a week, a month, a year, 5 years, and yes on occasion for a lifetime. These soul mates come into your life with a purpose whether known or not. We make "agreements" with each other prior to birth. This agreement is to help each other learn a particular lesson that each has chosen to learn in this lifetime. Once the situation has been created for both parties to have the opportunity to learn the lesson it is best that the relationship (at times) be curtailed whether as in the type, the intensity, or even as in never to hear from again. I believe that we get hung up on the idea that a soul mate is forever (and very well can be) and thus hang on way to long for the love that we have/had for this person and eventually the love is destroyed. I mean how can you love someone, truly love someone, and then one day not love them anymore? I know for me personally I love each one that I have ever loved to this day irregardless of the reason/situation for no longer being "in love" anymore. I do believe the reason I do still love each of them is because I understand that we had an "agreement" to help each other learn the lesson(s) that the relationship brought.2
As far as love and being "in love" it starts with an "energetic" thing (for me). I "feel" people. If the person "feels" like they have a pure heart whether or not they live this pure heart I look long and hard at the possibility that they may be the "one". For me being "in love" hits hard and fast. It isn't about the chatter in the head I.E. "they are honest...they are a great person...they are sexy.... they are intelligent...they are a good parent ECT." That isn't love to me. You don't create love you FEEL love. With that in mind I will continue on how a relationship should be lived to have the opportunity to last a lifetime (in my opinion/belief).3
I believe that there needs to be a detailed sharing of what one expects from the other in a relationship I.E. the things you can forgive...the things you can not, the things you expect from the other....what you except or desire from the relationship ect at the very beginning of it not into it but at the beginning so no misunderstandings what you expect for the other..4
Money? UGHHHHHHHHHH!!! This has got to be one of the most common relationship breakers that there is. I have another belief in regards to how this should be handled within a relationship. I believe in the three accounts method. My personal account, your personal account, and the joint savings account. Then the bills of the relationship are split according to percentage of money earned and an agreed upon amount monthly put into a joint savings account. Example if partner one makes $100 and partner two makes $50 then the bills should be split two to one. All money left over after paying bills and contributing to the joint account is for the person to do with as wished but again anything spent over a certain agreed upon amount should be shared with the other and discussed but it is the persons decision to ultimately do with as pleases. This helps especially if one tends to spend frivolously by sharing prior thoughts and ideas are bounced off one another and a better decision will be made. I also believe that both should have a stash (a individual savings account) so that if either isn’t happy in the relationship they are not bound to it cause they depend totally on the other money wise. So each should have enough to start over if necessary (get a place to live, turn on utilities and eat for the month). To many have stayed way past what was healthy cause they were to dependant on the other for money.5
A lasting relationship has three lives attached to it, the life of you, the life of your partner, and the life of us. It is essential that each have a separate life besides the life of both to keep one of you from living through the other and eventually leading to resentment. The life that is separate from the other must be shared with complete honesty and truth even though separate. In the three lives’s of this relationship the decisions made within the three lives should always be discussed prior to making them. One reason is that by bouncing off thoughts and ideas off one another we can better come to a proper decision. In my partners "life" I will completely be honest about my thoughts and opinions of the decision to be made but whether I agree with her decision or not (and it is her decision to be made) I always support this made decision and the same respect needs to be given to me. As far as the life of the "us" these decisions must be made together and never to be thrown into the others "face" if they do not turn out as best as you had hoped. Discuss how a decision will be made when the two of you cannot agree or come to a compromise before this situation comes up, for this situation will arise on occasion and you must be prepared for it without the emotion of the decision interfering with making the best one possible at the time. AGAIN never throw it in the others face if it isn’t the best decision that could have been made, support each other, we each deserve this respect from the other. Like do you take turns making the decision when it arises (if both capable of handling the responsibility of making a decision for the “us”)? Are both of you capable of taking responsibility of making a decision for the “us” meaning if it isn’t the best decision can each of you live with making the wrong one? If not and only one is capable of living with the consequences of making a decision of this type that doesn’t work out best then maybe if you don’t both agree or a compromise isn’t possible then the one capable of handling the responsibility should be the one agreed to make decision when these situations arise long before they do arise. Get out all of the possible situations that could arise and know how you will deal with them prior to them happening this keeps out the emotional side of deciding how to handle them and gives a much better chance of succeeding and reducing the possibility of feeling resentment towards the other (I know all situations are not possible to anticipate but as many as can be thought of considering your life’s situation). 6
With that said I do believe that in someway there needs to be a "path" that both have similar to the others path. A spiritual path that has to at least be respected and shared with/by the other. This doesn't mean they have to be the same or even close to the same but they must be paths that both genuinely respect. You must also allow the other to live their path without attempting to change their beliefs/path. You must share your beliefs, discuss them, listen to the others with an open mind, exchange ideas and thoughts on it, and explain yours in detail too. If this is done you will most likely find that there will be a merging of your “paths” and you as well as your partner will adopt parts of the others beliefs/paths. Communicate everything with total trust that you will not be judged and don’t judge your partner for each path is legitimate and just as real and true as your own.7
In conclusion I need to add that I do believe that their is a life mate for each of us but for various reasons we don't always recognize them or are not ready for them or this type of relationship in a particular lifetime and thus we don’t have a life mate in each incarnation. Take each relationship for what it is a miracle. Love and live every moment as if it might end tomorrow and never cling to something that has grown stagnate. Love forever, as how can you love and then not? I will once again say this is MY belief whether true or not is irrelevant for it serves me well.8
Author notes
Hope this is what you are looking for. I will take #453
What did you think? Please comment!
Comments
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excellent
Writing such a story or essay can be interesting for you get a milliard of different interpretations of your words.
Not only that, but people find a need to sher their own feelings with you.
To me the bottom line is, that this is your essay. Your thoughts and your feelings. You will feel the way you feel no matter what. People will read no matter what and in the end. You can happily say that your essay was a success. It was read, commented on and respected as an art form of your self expression.
Personally. I thought the conntent was on the button. Very well written and a pleasure to read. -
Lots of stuff to ponder on... I think you did make a great statement on the difference between a 'soul' mate and a 'life' mate... sort of like kindred spirits, as Anne Shirley would say... she could FEEL something inside of a person... she didn't have to analyze so much... o.o And it's sad that money is needed so much in this world. It causes so many problems. Great essay, I always enjoy what I read by you.
Keep writing, Miji -
I see love very much like this..awesome article, but rarely have I ever found a man that feels this way. Everyone I have ever gotten involved with destroys our relationship with ownership, controling, and jealousy. I've been told Im insensative because Im not jealous. Money is another killer, seems to get in the way too much. Such is life in America. Good article White Wolf.
Red -
Impressive
WOW... This is quite a write!
Hmm, where shall I start?
I find this to be a very interesting concept, as I have always pondered about the possibility of soul mates in people.
You explain you belief very well, and clearly so that I was able to follow and understand (and not get lost or bored--as sometimes I have with other long writes!!).
Having a "pre-arranged agreement" is definately a concept I don't think I would have ever conjured up...
I think I'll leave the money issue alone, however, I will briefly mention this:
Although I agree with the fact that money is a factor that splits up many relationships, I think another likely possibility is Communication.
Lastly, I find this to be an curious thought....
"I believe that we get hung up on the idea that a soul mate is forever (and very well can be) and thus hang on way to long for the love that we have/had for this person and eventually the love is destroyed. "
To my understanding, I was always thinking soul mates are forever. So, I almost question how is it possible to have a soul mate, when it's not forever??? (I know, I do understand this is your belief, and I am not challenging it, I am just pondering about it.) But it does make a little more sense, that you both introduce and separate the difference between a soul mate and a life mate. (Again, I seem to have thought/understood that soul mates are life mates.)
Anyway, this really is a great write. It really gives the reader something to ponder, whether or not they join in the beliefs.
(Oh.... little suggestion?? I think the magenta might be a little harsh on the eyes... perhaps something with either a deeper hue, or something a little lighter to contrast the black text.)
~Ats~
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This is actually very similar to a discussion my mother and I had one time. I'm in agreement with you. We come across many in our lives that we have agreed to work with, learn from, and teach alike. Just watching members of my family in relationships I have seen money issues become the key reason to manyy arguements and even those relationships deteriorating. There should be an equal ground with that. I also think that you're right about there being soulmates of both genders. A lot of people don't consider that and I think that perhaps they should. This is a great essay and it has many great and valid points.
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You have been given 100 points for this entry in the contest "Does Love STILL Make The World Go Round?"
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MY belief whether true or not is irrelevant for it serves me well.
What better to build a belief system upon than whether it serves you well? There are so many aspects of your write that I can find nothing to debate. It is sound.... balanced... and WORKABLE. Good job -
Interesting write
I agree with you about soul mates being from both sets of sexes. I have met people and instantly felt that I know them intimately without the need for words or explanations.
Other people though I have seen and spoken to for years I will never truly know. -
Love is making a person or thing's welfare a priority. There is the decision to love, and there can be the decision to stop.
Feelings follow thoughts and actions and sometime feelings. If you follow only your feelings, you have no control.
"Money is the god of this world" and what turns the world around.
There are 6.5 billion people or so on our planet. There are probably thousands of potential soul mates, but there might be one in your town and you never meet that person.
"Making Songs From Poems" class begins on the 27th. -
I also learn from every relationship I have ever been in. I think a person should try to learn just in case there is another relationship. I also agree about live love as if it may be the last. Yes you did fine with what I was looking for. I wanted honest viewpoints from people. I want to thank you for taking the time and energy that was required for your entry in my contest Does Love STILL Make The World Go Round? Personally I have learned through my life experiences that women do have one thing in common. They all need attention. Some more than others, but it's something that guys need to realize. I finally do!
s
Ted E.
PS: Just in case you forgot to send me your number, this is only a friendly reminder that I also need to receive it as an Instant Message to keep track for my records (a checks and balances deal). If you have done this then please disregard this friendly reminder. Your number 453 has been posted. -
Master the reason I wrote it and shared it was the contest. I have spent many years trying to understand what I wanted and what it took to have a lasting relationship. I have learned some lessons and some I am sure i will learn in the future. persoanlly i have gave myself away in a relationship not standing in my wholeness and personal power. I have also tried to "save" those i have loved and unfortanately no one wants to be saved or more appropiately I dont want to save anyone anymore for the next guy...lol the truth is you have to uncondionally accept the one you choose to partner with the good, bad, and the ugly
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A very interesting essay on the subject, as you said money is always the thorn under the foot,I found this facinating that you had sat down to do an in depth search of reason and why, most people sooner or later just except the fact that things did not work out and leave it at that, I wonder what really promted this write, as if you were searching for answers and not just writing a piece for a competition. it is very well written and interesting, hope the next one is the one that lasts a lot longer. great
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Solid Piece
I am so glad I stumbled across this essay..You have written such a good solid piece on the foundations of relationships.I also agree with most of this and am trying to incorperate it into my life.I read a book by Thomas Moore which has helped me tremendously in the past few months..Yes soulmates come in different forms...I really did enjoy this and it gives good advice and reasoning..Communication is a big key to getting along with others..Without that you have no foundation...Well Done..Good luck..
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Wow, This is an excellent write! I agree with these lines.
Money? UGHHHHHHHHHH!!! This has got to be one of the most common relationship breakers that there is. I have another belief in regards to how this should be handled within a relationship. I believe in the three accounts method. My personal account, your personal account, and the joint savings account. Then the bills of the relationship are split according to percentage of money earned and an agreed upon amount monthly put into a joint savings account. Example if partner one makes $100 and partner two makes $50 then the bills should be split two to one. All money left over after paying bills and contributing to the joint account is for that person to do with as wished
I think there should be prenuptial agreements where money is concerned.
Yertweetyness
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Well thought out and well written. I would disagree with parts of it but that is mainly the over use of the term soulmate. That is just my opinion nad I will not bore you with details about that. I did enjoy your take here. GOod job.
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wo well done!!! dat musta takn u ages!!!!
yeh like i said really well written... i love your way of gettin it across, sort of straight-to-the point. keep it up and dont look like this
ha ha!!!
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