The Fat Whale1
Once upon a time in the Great Barrier Reef, there were two adult whales. They really loved each other and decided to have a baby whale.2
When the baby whale was born, they all went home to celebrate. They had so much food that all the friends and family couldn’t eat it. So the baby whale started to eat some food. He ate so much food that he got bloated.3
When he was two years old he was the size of a house. Then he started to make friends. But some whales still had to pick on him. But all his whale friends stood up for him while he busted some disco moves from the 80’s in front of the bullies. But still his belly full of fat failed him4
10 years later…5
The fat whale was thinking about his size, and then he decided to go on a diet. He went home and told his parents that he was on a diet.6
His parents were proud of him. He was eating every single vegetable in the deep blue sea. His diet stopped his weight gain. (But not for long) It had been 2 weeks when he started to keep on gaining weight.7
10 years later…8
He was a bit sad to see that he was now the size of the Great Barrier Reef. He was now living in the Atlantic Ocean. He was a bit lonely without his friends and family.9
1 year later…10
He went on a journey to the Great Barrier Reef to see his distant family. He was now issued with a light meal and BOOM! He had exploded! All his family and friends were sad and full of woe. So he now has a shrine and all his whale fat floats in the Great Barrier Reef.11
By A-MAN12
THE END13
Author notes
This version has more potential
A contest entry
- May New Member's Contest by SW Greeters.
300 points, ended June 2, 2008, 6 entries
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - For Writers Fourteen Or Under by Andy Stephenson.
350 points, ended June 10, 2008, 28 entries
• next story in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
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ate so much he blew up.
Strange story indeed, I tried to find a lesson in here—poor thing tried dieting and it didn’t work
. So he went back to over eating and ate so much he blew up.
There was a nice humorous touch to the wording. Of course the idea is gross that all those beautiful waves around the Barrier Reef are floating globs of whale blubber.
The plotting worked through I did wonder which prompt it covered. You might put that in your author notes. I hope it’s not Mothers Day
.
Thanks for entering the contest and good luck.
Geri
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Hmm.
This is a very short and a very odd short story. I've never heard of an exploding whale. What was the inspiration that led to this story? This is the first whale story I've read, I think. This story is pretty well written.
Thanks for entering the New Member's Contest. Welcome to Storywrite.
Andy
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This is a much better version
REALLY good job
Alot better then the first one
I love this line
"But all his whale friends stood up for him while he busted some disco moves from the 80’s in front of the bullies"
It made me laugh.
Glad you used some of my suggestions
All in all this is very much improved
Good job :]beginning: 4, language: 4, plot: 4, ending: 4, dialog: 4, characters: 4.
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cool
it is so awsom about the fat whalebeginning: 5, language: 5, plot: 5, ending: 5, dialog: 5, characters: 5.
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