Do You Know What You Do to Me?

You seem to notice everyone else in this damn world except for the one who is in love with you, me. 1

We share laughter and lunch, but all that time it makes me wish that you ask me out. 2

How can you be so dense? Everyone else wants us to be together. I denied you, I denied myself.3

Do you know how many times I have tried to forget you? It's like trying to quit smoking. Once I almost forget you, I break down and come back crushing on you. 4

Do you know how many guys I have left just to crush on you? Your charm reminds me to say no. 5

Do you know what I have wasted on you? Love, time, and money. 6

I feel depressed everyday you don't come to class or lunch. During class I sneak and convorsations or glances I can at you.7

Then you ask me about my best friend and I am torn.8

"What does she like?" or, "What are her classes?" You seem anxious to get answers. 9

But I can't respond, because I am on the verge of tears and I am shaking madly. You touch my shoulder, but I pull away and run for the safety of the bathroom. 10

I am in the stall with my bookbag at my feet. I sit on the toilet clutching my cellphone with my mum's number on speed-dial. I don't know if I can hold on any longer. Then I hear that tacky tone for a text. I push read, "What happened back there? R u gonna help me or not?"11

I want to go home and be safe from tears or heartbreak. You seem to only care about your needs while I am on the floor bawling. 12

I push reply and without thinking text, "No because I am the one in love with you." I push send and wait for what seems like forever. Then I hear that chime. My stomach flips. I push read, "Oh..... will u still help me?"13

I feel like you threw a ton of bricks at me. I let my mascara run and my tears are going to flood the stall. I go back to class and try to force a smile like nothings wrong, laugh at stupid things, like the old me. But it's hard since I feel so numb, so cracked.14

I feel stupid for telling you, but I ask for your opinion. You make a joke about it and laugh it off as if it's a random Tuesday. However, I feel as if I am falling an endless fall.15

(This is a TRUE story that happened about a month ago on 4-23-08)