A Change in Me

The woods. They were my quiet sanctuary. Only there, among the trees, could I get it together. I needed to revel in the isolation that the deep forest gave me. It was the only way to calm down. 1

The people around me, no matter how much they loved me, wouldn't be able to handle the truth. They just couldn't know. None of them would have understood. I didn't even understand it myself. 2

All I knew was that I had somehow turned into a four-legged horrible beast. I didn't know what it was, but I knew that it was a part of me. I think that's what scared me most.3

I was terrified of myself. One minute I was human and the next I was a monster. I didn't know why. I just knew that I wanted it all to be a nightmare. But I knew it wasn't. Nightmares went away. Whatever I was wasn't going to go away forever. That much I could figure.4

Two weeks. That was how long I'd been in that horrifying state. I didn't know what to do or where to go. I couldn't stay there forever. I needed things to go back to normal eventually. I hoped they would.5

Talk about stressful. Being stuck like that for fourteen days was truly scary. Fourteen long, lonely days. I only assumed that people were looking for me. After all, I had disappeared without a word. 6

I knew the way back ,but I was scared. What was I going to tell them? More importantly, what was I going to tell her? I loved her so much, but there was nothing I could explain to her. I was dazed, lost, and very confused. I figured I'd just have to go with the flow.7

With one last final howl, I managed to phase back. It was a relief to me that I wasn't going to be stuck like that forever. But the panic was still there. When would I go back to that state? What would trigger it and make me a monster again? 8

I figured I'd have to talk to face the music already and just hope for the best. I needed to calm everyone down. And I wanted to go back to a normal life.9

*****10

A week later, things had somewhat calmed down. Just as I'd suspected, they'd had the police looking for me. I wasn't able to tell them anything, though. Especially not considering I'd finally found out what I was and what had happened.11

Strangely enough, I wasn't too shocked to find out. Fourteen days of fear and misery had really done me some good. I took the news better than I would have expected of myself.12

So I was a werewolf. On full moons, I would change into a wolf. When I got too angry, I would change into a wolf. I wasn't really scared for myself. No, I was scared for everyone else. What would happen if I lost my temper? Would I hurt them? What If I hurt her?13

While I wasn't too afraid anymore, I was very miserable. I couldn't see her. It was way too dangerous. I couldn't tell her. That was against the rules and way too dangerous. I was a horrible beast capable of tearing someone apart. I didn't want to do anything like that, but I did know that, if I lost my temper, I probably wouldn't have much of a choice.14

I made a vow to myself in that meeting. I told myself I would stay away from her at all costs. It would be for her own good and that way she would never have to know. That way, I would never hurt her.15

But that was much easier said than done. Only one week and three days after I made that vow to myself, I went to see her. I broke the rules, but it didn't bother me too much. I couldn't stand being away from her. Even though I couldn't tell her a thing, I still wanted to see her. Needless to say that didn't go well.16

***************
"What is going on Sam?" she demanded, fire dancing in her hazel eyes. 17

She was pissed. I knew she was. If I were her, I would be too. It wasn't fair to her, but I knew I had to. It was for her own good.18

"Nothing," I muttered, turning away from her angry gaze.19

"Dammit Sam! Talk to me! I know whatever it is isn't 'nothing'. Whatever it is, I want to know why."20

I couldn't tell her. I wasn't allowed. Even if I was, I don't think I could. It would be too hard. Way too hard. What if telling her made things worse than they already were? What if telling her meant hurting her? What would I tell her, anyway? I couldn't exactly tell her I was a horrible beast and that she had to stay away from me for her own good. That wouldn't exactly go over too well.21

Shaking my head, I forced my gaze onto the ground. I knew that I would give in if I kept looking at her. I hated it. Despised it, really. I never asked for that. I never asked for things to change. I was happy with the way things were. I didn't complain about my life, so why me? What had I done to deserve that kind of punishment?22

"Answer me," she screamed, her voice lightly breaking.23

She was about to cry. I could hear it in her voice. God, how I hated it when she cried. I swear, one little tear could break my heart in two. She meant too much to me. I didn't want to do that to her.24

"I-I'm sorry," I muttered quietly.25

"What is going on?" she asked, her voice quieter this time.26

The anger still wasn't gone, but it had lessened. That was a good sign. Maybe she'd give up. Maybe she'd actually let it go. It was always a possibility.27

"If you didn't want to work things out, why did you even come here?" she asked venomously.28

I winced. It wasn't just the words, but the tone behind them. I hated having her this mad at me. I really did. I loved her more than anything, but I just couldn't do it. I couldn't see her anymore. It was way too dangerous.29

"Why won't you answer me?" she asked.30

Her voice was softer this time; weaker. I knew I was breaking her heart, but there was nothing I could do about it. There were just some things she couldn't know.31

And that was when I heard the sobs. They were quiet at first, but they quickly grew louder. I had broken her. Was I satisfied? No. More like horrified. I'd successfully broken the person that meant most to me. She rarely broke down. Leah was always so strong.32

Finally, I looked up. The rules suddenly disappeared from my mind. I wouldn't tell her the whole truth, but I wouldn't stay away from her.33

Kneeling down beside her, I wrapped my arms around her slender waist.34

"I'm sorry," I whispered, kissing away a few of her tears.35

"Don't you care about me anymore?" she whispered hoarsely.36

"Of course I do," I assured her, hugging her tighter. "I love you."37

She didn't respond. Leah merely rested her head against my chest, her breathing steadying. As she reveled in our closeness, my eyes focused on the sky.38

I prayed that I would somehow find an answer. I couldn't obey the rules forever. I'd already broken one, but I wasn't eager to break another. All I wanted was a simple solution that let me and Leah both be happy.39

"We'll work things out," I promised her.

Author notes

my favorite flower is the violet

option 3

My favorite book is Twilight by Stephenie Meyer.

I chose option 1. This one's my favorite I guess because it's my longest.

(I will seriously love anyone that can correctly guess what musical the title (it's a title of a song from it) is from. If you know, put it in a comment. I promise, if you know, I will comment on a few of your stories. )

A contest entry

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Comments

1 - 12 of 12

  • onaya3
    November 8
    ?
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    OMG...

    ...this was a fanfic?! LoL! I've also read the Stephanie Meyer books but it didn't twig that this was a fanfic until I read the other comments!

    I just thought it was a really good story. I love the first-person perspective, as it really puts the reader inside of the main character's head. Brilliant flashbacks and great angst between the lovers.


  • VanillaLace6661
    November 4
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    I looooove this story. Yay for Sam!


  • amanda vampiress
    November 1
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    Awesome!
    I have not ever read anything from Sam's point of view so this was pretty interesting. I am assuming it is before he was mature. lol You did a good job with the descriptions, and I love how you portrayed Sam. I thought just a few spots were a little repetitive, but the story flowed well. keep up the good work, and keep writing!

  • sugarrrainbow
    July 8
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    I see I have commented on this before and I still feel the same way. It's great!
    The only thing is that the werewolves in Twilight don't change under the full moon...at least, I don't think so.
    Great job!


  • demonp3n
    July 3
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    This was so touching. I love Sam and I think you did a very good job of portraying his softer side. I really like that he was with Leah at the end. It's nice to read a story that doesn't make her sound like a total bitch.

    I loved all the emotion in this. Very excellent work, and good luck in the contest!


  • Migfin
    June 28

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    Unfortunately, despite my best intentions, I've yet to read the Twilight series so this was entirely new to me. Just from this, I instantly like Sam and that made the story incredibly easy to read.

    You clearly know the character well, an admirable feat when it isn't one of your own, and you really delved into his emotions. A little more description of what it felt like when he changed would've been nice, but it almost makes it more realistic that you didn't - I suppose it'd be like describing child birth or something.

    I loved the scene with Leah and Sam, as you'd touched on their relationship earlier but that was where it really became clear how they felt about each other. Very well done =)


  • Vampiric souls
    June 18

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    wow this is so good, and really well written, this is great, i've never read anything from Sam's POV and now you have me intrigued.... Hope there's more

  • detty
    June 17

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    Whoa that was good! I thought it was Sam cause he had no one to guide him at first, right? Then I was thinking that 'she' was Emily, but then later you revealed that it was Leah! Wow I wasn't expecting that, but it makes more sense! Haha okay anyway, that was good. And I liked how you described Leah, although at some bits, I thought that Sam didn't really sound like Sam, but still, it was a great read! (:

    Please read the rules (favourite flower) though! Thanks for entering!


    • moonwriter
      June 17
      Edit | Reply
      Sam wasn't supposed to be so mature like he is in the book. This takes place around the first time he ever phased. Back when he was still scared and unsure. This was way before he was the confident leader.


  • IxLovexElphiex
    June 8

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    I love it!
    I was confused as to why the police had been called at the begining because I was thinking "Jacob" but then when I saw it was Sam, it made sense! He had to go through all of that without help!
    You were smart entering something Twilight related. Haha!
    I loved the second half with him talking to Leah. I got a little teary! Very good emotion!
    There were a couple incorrect spellings.
    Para. 2: "ot" should be "to"
    Para. 7: "improtantly" should be "importantly"
    Pata. 38: "skye" should be "sky"
    Aaannndd, I didnt catch any more!

    Very nice job!
    Thanks for entering an Good luck!

  • sugarrrainbow
    June 5

    Edit | Reply
    Cool, very cool!
    I've never read anything from Sam's point of view, so this is very interesting.
    I really liked how you wrote how much Sam loved Leah, makes it seem so much hurtful when Sam imprinted on Emily.
    Good job and good luck!


  • Forsaken Unicorn
    May 28

    Edit | Reply
    I can't wait for the next part! This sounds like such an awsome character to follow through the story! You will finish it up shortly, yes?

1 - 12 of 12