The Old Me

"I'm not allowed to speak to you anymore Alyssa." I said to her, walking to my third hour class.1

We'd been the best of friends last year, until the end of may, when she started to distance herself. And since then, I'd told her, I'd stick by her, no matter what had happened to her, no matter how it affected me. But then, she'd threatened to punch me in the face if I didn't leave her alone, she didn't want friends. 2

My mom had seen the message as I opened it. And now, I wasn't allowed to speak to Alyssa, because of the threat, because I didn't deserve a friend like that, she'd said.3

And she was right, I didn't. I'd confided in her so much, and when she started to distance herself from everyone else, she had only focused on herself. Never how it made us feel.4

I'd cried so many nights, wondering what was wrong with me, wondering why she didn't want to be my friend anymore. She never thought, she was the only one crying, she never thought of the pain she was causing us, well, me, more like.5

But now I knew, we couldn't go back to being friends, not since what had happened in may. Because she'd burned her bridges. And I, I didn't need her as a friend anymore. No matter how hard I had cried, how much I had. No matter how much she needed a friend now, it was her fault she'd estranged herself.6

"Why?" She asked me. "All I said, was I didn't want friends at the time."7

"Do you really need me to answer that?" I asked, my eyes were narrowed. "'what happened to me WILL affect you so its best that you just leave me the hell alone. if you don't then the next time i see you i'm going to punch you in the face. do you get that? I DON'T WANT FRIENDS! so LEAVE ME THE HELL ALONE.', thats what you said. You don't need friends, you don't need me, and I don't need you, when you threaten to deck me because I was trying to be a good friend." I said, still walking, my binder pulled to my chest, as if to protect my heart.8

9

It was then, that she left. She left my side, in a daze, and I only felt the slightest bit bad. But that was the old me talking. The one that had been her friend. That old me, was nothing, but a speck in my life, she'd changed me. And she'd changed herself.10

But the old me was still there, no matter how much I tried to bury her, and the old we, shed one tear, at the loss of a friend.