Rubbish.

Its coming again. Its coming... coming.. here. 1

It's here.2

Its fucking here again.3

The feeling.4

The small creature that crawls in, sinking its nails in to numb me, pacify me. 5

What am I doing?6

Nothing.7

Do I care?8

Do I?9

What's there to care about, hm? What did I do, hm?10

Should I be angry, hm?11

Should I be happy, hm?12

Should I feel jealous, envious, nervous, lonely?13

Is it worth the emotion?14

It it really worth me typing?15

Make things better.16

Make... things better, make17

this18

better.19

I don't know how.20

Would you like me to?21

Tell me what to do.22

Who am i talking to?23

hello?24

cold. 25

its.. pretty cold.26

is that a feeling?27

nothing. i'm thinking nothing.28

am i stupid for thinking nothing at this very moment?29

does it matter if i'm stupid?30

relationships. hmm what are those? they end so quickly and then new ones form. or none form at all.... as you isolate yourself in a cold room. 31

complain? what's there to complain about?32

there's a lot to complain about.33

then again, we all have a lot to complain about.34

i don't want to complain. i'm happy.35

see?36

very happy. 37

are you happy?38

hm. i don't think you are. 39

can i make you happy?40

it seems i cannot.41

but i still try anyway.42

haha. i don't try.43

hmmm... something intelligent and thought-provoking.44

i should try to impress.45

...46

staring at myself in the same mirror in the same place with the same thoughts in the same room in the same house in the same city with the same friends with the same issues at the same school parked at the same spot with the same car i've had for the past year. 47

i want to go to the beach. 48

oh wait? i was invited. but i don't want to really go there. not with them. 49

at the beach, i'd like to sit and watch the shoreline for a couple hours and think about nothing and everything at the same time.50

sometimes i wish i was a guru. or a monk. like mr. miyagi.51

mr. miyagi was a cool dude.52

he'd know what i should do at this present moment. or maybe he won't.53

but it'd be cool if he did.54

sometimes, when i should be listening, i imagine myself sinking. literally sinking through the floor getting caught between the dirt and the floorboards. and just laying there.55

and drinking diet soda. i'm thirsty.56

hmmm... should i write more?57

nope. i'm done. thats the best story i've ever written. please shower me with lots of compliments of which i'll take very seriously.58

peace out.59