Only the true royals have wings
1
They have been sent to save us
protect us
rule us with purity and justice
2
Once, an unknown warrior flew in full armour across the battle-swept skies, wielding a sword of gold and silver
the winged leader
The sight of him rekindled our hopes
when all seemed lost
he shone through the darkness, leading us into battle and swooping down on the enemy
cutting down their soldiers where they stood
3
And yet he was fair
if any man had a change of heart
if any man threw down his weapon in surrender at the bravery shown by the winged warriors army
he was spared
4
And at last the winged one met their leader in combat
5
Both winged men
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One fighting for his own people
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And one for his own greed
8
The two faced off in the air, a circle spreading around them
the clouds opening above it as if the heavens themselves were watching their two sons do battle
9
The fallen one was offered the chance of redemption
a new life of peace
but he would not take it
and so the winged leader had no choice but to defend himself in combat against him
one of his own
his brother in arms, whom he still loved through the bitterness and evil that had ravaged his clean soul
10
And the two fought
their swordplay, they say, was like magic
and the rain, 11
It fell around them
each ones face a mask of determination
and still they fought on
12
The soldiers watched in silenced awe
13
Each of the winged warriors had great skills with their fated weapons
and each was evenly matched by the other
overhead the thunder was booming
the rain beat down in sheets
the lightning seemed in rhythm with every clash of the sword
and the men knew what was coming
for long since the beginning of time they have known that a dark sky and rain were a sign
they happened every time a winged one was in danger
they knew, Heaven was mourning for what it had foreseen
for what was to come
14
The death of a son was near
15
And the two battled on, aware of the storm
the fallen one was eager
the leaders face still masking his emotions
The duel came to the ground
two pairs of wings spread back
they paced in time and drew on their footwork
and then it happened
16
Sword connected with chest
17
Piercing the armour and flesh
18
A huge roar of thunder erupted, with force large enough to shake the ground beneath, mingling with two screams of pain
19
The men gasped
20
The winged leader had blood all over him
his pain-filled scream echoed
21
He fell to his knees
the fallen one remained standing
22
but only for a second
he fell, limp and dead, 23
into his brothers arms
24
The winged leader had his brothers blood across his hands
25
he yelled in anguish at the sky, 26
weeping for what he had done
Author notes
Just a random thought I had one morning: not sure if I'm going to put this into a story or not..
Comments
1 - 10 of 10
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This was actually quite good. I like the vague sense you give with the battle. It leaves a lot to the imagination, but still paints a fight scene in the head. Something I've yet to achieve, as mine are too descriptive. Dx
Love the angelic topic, too. I'm a sucker for angels.
The ... kinda threw me off, but I used to use them a lot and I get the same feeling as Kagamine does. I'd still suggest using commas instead, though. May be nitpicky, but it's a suggestion.
Thanks for putting it up in the group's reading list. ^^
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I love how you seemingly added the "..." to the end of the sentence to make it seem more everlasting and sempiternal in such an omnious way.
Usagi-sama, this is a highly and well-written story. I love how you made the emotional atmosphere connect with your mind and soul. ^^
I'll treasure this forevermore!
~Rei Hino -
Hmm. . .
This was really good Serena-hime. I liked it. I have realized, everytime you come up with something random out of the blue and post it up, it was actually a cool idea. You should keep this up, trust me, I will be glued onto this.
♥ Nancy
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hahaha lol like your author notes. this was beautifully written and original thanks for entering my contest
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Wow! Intense. Was that Michael and Satan. I'm writing a story where Michael and satan are both in it. Really good.
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This was very good. I liked it. Good job! I agree, it was quite poetic. It was like one of those beautiful epic poems. but not a poem. I liked this a lot. Really good job.
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Poetic
Whether you put it into a story or not you have painted a very vivid scene. Your use of ellipses is effectively done, and that is why I call it "poetic", as it puts a meter to the flow of text (verbally, that is).
Despite it being a "random thought", you constructed the story well and even gave it an ending that was meaningful, resembling closure. Even perhaps a twist.
Your choice of words are appropriate and add to the quality of the piece.
well done!
beginning: 4, language: 4, plot: 3, ending: 5, dialog: 3, characters: 4.
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O.O I think you have something here. Good starting idea.I want to know how they got to thi point, why they'd attack each other.You style isdramatic, which is good, but it goes a tad fast too. Careful with that.
Hope to see more.
HT -
Awesome story. Reminds me of Dante and Vergil from Devil May Cry. ^-^
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This is really good!
I loved this; the descriptions, the emotions and the story was brilliant! The dotted lines annoyed me a little, but it had a good effect at times
Beautiful, please continue! I loved it!
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