I walked up the cafeteria steps with my head down and my shoulders hunched up to my ears. I fumbled with my lunch-card, scanned and grabbed a tray. It was so loud and crowded. As I got my milk, yogurt and fries I wanted to scream at every person who brushed up against me, “don’t fucking touch me!” I exited the unbearably hot kitchen and stopped at the salad bar. I picked up the always slippery with grease bottle of vinegar and splashed some on my fries. I fought the urge to run back to the employees only section of the kitchen to wash the grease of my hands, and instead searched for my friends among the throngs of chattering students. 1
They were all squished at a table of about twelve people, too many. I longed to sit next to Will or Janni or Hilary and feel safe and calm and sane, but I just couldn’t deal with that many people that close together. I found an empty table and sat alone. I wiped my hands with a napkin; they felt better, but not completely clean. As I chewed my tasteless food, wave after wave of noise crashed into me. I felt small and helpless. I tried not to cry. I glanced over at Will, a few tables away and pleaded with my eyes “help!” Having not heard my silent plea, he laughed jovially at a joke and continued talking. I wasn’t really hungry anymore. I disposed of my half-eaten dinner and fled back to my room.2
Author notes
i'm not sure about the title yet. an anxiety disorder can make even the simplest task seem insurmountable.
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Comments
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You hooked me with your writing when your shoulders were srunched up to your ears and then again with the vinegar on the frys...excellent little details that make reading a pleasure. Very short chapter and from the comments I get an idea about the story line, but I must admit I did not gather the condition from the script. But your writing is excellent and mechanically perfect. Thanks for the visit, good luck, amicus...
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Great story... This really shows what a struggle it can be.. I hope this is just the start, and there are more chapters to come!
Thanks for sharing, and I hope things improve for you
Autumn -
yeah i'm on meds, but obviously not enough.
~Kate -
I have had a problem with this before and it is certainly an uncomfortable situation to be in. I took some meds to get through it and don't have a consistant problem anymore. I hope things get better soon for you. A well told story by the way.
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Wow. I know how this feels. I had similar feelings every day at high school lunch, especially when i would piss off my whole group, and felt like everyone in the world was staring at me, silently upbraiding me for old comments.
ah the joys of anxiety.
Kat
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