I was in love
Holding your hand tight
Why didn't I notice us falling apart,
The ground under me, crumpling?1
Finally you left.
The ground gave way.
Making me fall,
Lifting you out of my reach.
I tried and tried to reach you
But you didn't notice,
Because you were busey with her.
DID YOU LIKEY?!
Comments
1 - 13 of 13
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sounds like my life. how i miss him, but he dosen't care. i feel the pain and this is an awsome poem
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Wowsa....
you express your self realllllly well. I usually end up yapping in my poems.
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;o
:/ thats sadd.. makes me think of my ex X_x
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You know, you have some really great ideas in all of your works, and it'd be really good if you expanded on them, because they can turn into something that will completely stun people. Same goes for this- it was good and everything, but SHORT! like I so often remind you
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as i told you, i'm not that big on comments
but i did uberly love this
it was sad and made me relate a bit
uberly great.
10 toes way up
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I've been there befre it sucks
but your writing was awesome
theres a typo in the last line .. sorry i tend to point these things out LOL!
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good job!! i really like it!!!! idk wat topic my stories should be please help me!!
beginning: 5, language: 5, plot: 5, ending: 4, dialog: 5, characters: 5.
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"Because you were busey(Busy)with her"
Other then that it liked it. I could feel the emotion's.
I really liked it.
Keep up the good work.
~Alex~
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Wow. That is realy touching. I just hate it when things like that happen. It's the worst thing that can happen on a relationship. People can be so meen! Don't tell me this is what you went through?...Darn... There is so many heartbreaks in this world. It's so sad, and touching. Love this poem! Keep going, Gummy!
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sad
dont give up there gummy. and yes i liked this poem. dont go after someone that is with someone else, now matter what. it will only lead you downward thinking that you are fine but you are really not. dont give up and dont dwell on it gummy!
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I likey ^^
It was wonderful with the exception of this:
busey -> busy
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This shows your feelings well. It lacks a structure, I think, but I'm no poetry critic. Busy, however, is spelled with no e, and I wonder why you use a question mark in the first stanza. To address your question, perhaps put the question mark in the line before the one you have it in. It doesn't seem like the line about the ground is part of the question. I did enjoy this. Very emotional.
beginning: 5, language: 5, plot: 5, ending: 5, dialog: 5, characters: 5.
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Omg...this perfectly explains yet another relationship I was in...crap...we're too much in common Erika (or from what the poetry tells me...). It's starting to get scary.
O.O
Anyways, really great poem...took my breath away.
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