Awakenings

11

Perhaps if the soft rustling of the white cloth curtains would’ve awoken her their star-crossed encounter would never have taken place. The mysterious raven-haired maiden crept from windowsill to floor soundlessly. Her long hair fell in silky black waves, giving her somewhat the appearance of a ghost. She eyed the slumbering woman with an intense interest. 2

Pure moonlight streamed in, falling across her sleep-softened face, making her crimson lips glow with a disconcerting luminescence. There was no denying that the woman possessed a supernaturally enrapturous beauty. She seemed the perfect prey. Young, beautiful, vibrant, she lay there emitting an intoxicating air of innocence. Her chest rose and fell with the intake and release of a heavy sigh, causing her head to tilt itself slightly to the right, baring the milky-white smoothness of her virgin neck. With lightning speed, the stranger flicked a razor sharp fingernail across its pearly surface, a velvety ribbon of crimson forming in its wake, which she wiped away, pressing a bloody finger lustily to her lips. The huntress’s tongue danced with verdant envy. Suddenly she was consumed by an unsatiable greed. Hissing almost inaudibly she drove her fangs deeply into her. Bright with terrified shock her victim’s eyes snapped open, revealing deep arctic gray pools in a sea of white. “Ehaa...who...?” The room fell silent as her labored breathing slowed to a terrified pant. 3

Caressing the softness of her tear-moistened cheek, the vampire whispered passionately into her ear, “It will end soon. Death is not as bad as you humans make it out to be.” It was difficult not to find the woman extremely attractive, face contorted in a nightmarish grimace. “I’m not going to kill you.... completely.”4

Blood flowed in welling crimson beads staining the gauzy translucence of the young woman’s nightgown as the glow of life left her eyes. “Please,” The plea dripped with anxious desperation, “don’t.”5

“Be my Queen...” the countess of Death demanded with an icy laugh, “Be my Immortal...”6

“Who are you?!?” The young woman twitched as her last seconds as a human being slipped away.7

“A beautiful nightmare.” She replied, liquid life streaming down her pointed chin.8

29

An all-encompassing darkness greeted me when I came to. Slowly becoming aware of my surroundings, terror twisted her serrated knife of dread mercilessly inside me. Why isn’t there any light? Why is the air so thick and heavy? I attempted to stretch out only to rather painfully bang my wrist on some hard, smooth surface. Unable to stifle it, a tortured yelp escaped my lips. “What the f---?!?” I screamed, “Where the f--- am I?” Horror-stricken, I lost all sense of control and began thrashing about uncontrollably. Bang. Thud. Crack. I began to cough as a clod of some dry powdery substance found its way into my mouth. I spat, tasting a nauseating mixture of something like dirt and fresh blood. Dirt! “Holy f---ing s---! I’m buried alive! No, no, no!” I moaned. This can’t be happening!10

Her voice suffocated me in a frigid blanket of fear, “Will you shut the h--- up already?” I froze. An ominous squelch emitted in uncomfortably close proximity to my left ear as something large and flat was pried away from my entombment. I shielded my eyes with a dirtied forearm as a blinding beam of light struck my face. A sensation like being burned alive made me scream. As though my arm had been submerged in a pool of acid my flesh suddenly began to melt away. Flesh dissolved to muscle and muscle to bone as I screeched in helpless, ear-splitting agony, “MAKE IT STOP!” 11

“You will adjust to it in time, the light-sensitivity.” Through stinging eyes I saw a hooded figure standing directly above me. Slowly, she bent down, mercifully shading me from the excruciating brightness. “It will heal.” The tone of her voice was somewhat non-chalant, as if my extreme injury was but a mere scratch. “Look at it.” I did, instantly overcome with a wave of overwhelming sickness. The disgusting white of my radius jutted out from the ragged stump that I had formerly known as my elbow. Most of the skin and muscle belonging to my hand had disintegrated as well. My fingers, luckily, were spared, which I would later attribute to the fact that my hand had been curled under in a fist. 12

“Isn’t there something peculiar about your wound?” Her voice made it sound as though she found my affliction humorous, which made me quite angry.13

“No, I don’t find anything ‘peculiar’ in the fact that half of my f---ing arm just dissolved before my eyes for absolutely no reason! No, that’s not unusual at all!” The tone of my voice was as corrosive as whatever had burned me. 14

Matter-of-factly she replied, “Look again.”15

“FOR THE LAST GOD---- TIME, LADY, THERE IS NOTHING-” To my immense surprise she grabbed what was left of my arm and shoved it in my face, cutting me off mid-sentence.16

“LOOK YOU POMPOUS IDIOT!” 17

I stared at it intently for a moment not knowing what to expect. What, is it going to fall off or turn green or something?18

“What is missing?” 19

I had been so preoccupied with the seemingly insane woman standing above me that I had failed to realize that something was terribly amiss. Finally seeing what she was trying to show me, my words slewn together, I stuttered in shock, “It-it doesn’t hurt.” 20

“Anything else, Einstein?” 21

“Bl-blood.”22

“What about it?” She was sarcastically inquisitive.23

“There isn’t any.” There wasn’t. There was not a single drop in sight. A torrent of thoughts ran through my head. Shouldn’t I be dead yet? I should be lying in a pool of my own blood. Wait, why did my arm do that in the first place? What the f---! 24

Shifting uncomfortably in the coffin-like box in which I sat, I realized that I had somehow managed to obtain yet another injury. There seemed to be two gapping holes in the side of my neck. Had I not moved, brushing the side of my neck in the process, there is a chance that it’s existence would not have ever made itself known to me. I could not feel it. It seemed as though I was incapable of feeling any pain at all. I racked my brain in a feeble attempt to remember when it was that I could have received the mysterious gashes. Nothing. Yes, something was wrong, very, very wrong.25

“What the f--- is going on?” I demanded.26

327

“Before I explain, I must introduce myself.” She said this languidly, as though she held time itself in her possession. “My name is Victoria, however, I prefer to go by “Toria”, so please keep that in mind.”28

The captured drew in a deep, shaky breath, “Charlotte.”29

“Well, Charlotte,” Toria paused as if the name had left a bitter taste in her mouth, “I assume an explanation regarding the situation at hand is in order?” Sitting back on her knees, she seemed to be settling in as if she planned on staying there for awhile.30

“Indeed, they are.”31

“So be it then. Follow.” Instead of sitting as anticipated, she slowly stood, covering her prisoner in the folds of her robe as she lifted her to her feet. “Stay beneath my cloak if it is not your wish to endure the burning of the flesh of your entire body.” The captive asked no questions, only obeyed, fearing the consequences that would result if she chose to defy her.32

Taking small, cautious steps they walked for what seemed like eternity, Charlotte, in complete darkness. Finally, Toria lifted her protective shroud from around her. For the first time she was able to fully survey her bleak surroundings.33

The small room they found themselves in looked as if Death herself inhabited it. Ancient chairs covered in terribly mangled midnight velvet sat revealing filthy stuffing that she supposed had once been white. The cracked windowpanes, draped in heavy veils of spiders’ webs kept all light from entering, giving evidence of the negligence of cleaning duties for decades or possibly centuries. Tarnished candelabra lay haphazardly strewn across a cherrywood table occupying an equally dismal corner of the room.34

“You may sit, if you wish.” Her voice seemed low, less threatening. She sat, determined to mask the utter horror that consumed her. At last she was able to get a decent look at her captress. 35

She was shocked to find how beautiful she was. Framed in illustrious strands of raveny hair, serious eyes the color of onyx were deeply set in a sea of pale cream skin. High, blunt cheekbones endowed her with a stately, almost royal appearance. Charlotte found it impossible to tear her gaze from her. Her eyes slowly traveled downward, settling on Toria’s chest. Feeling a wave of heat rush to her face she was finally able to look away slightly, consumed with embarrassment. Good timing you twit, half of your arm is missing, you have two huge wounds on the side of your neck that for some strange reason refuse to bleed and you’re now, of all times, deciding that you are infatuated with her. Disregarding completely the fact that this seemingly normal psychotic (but heart-stoppingly beautiful) woman kidnapped you, most likely with the intent of killing you off as soon as possible to use you in soup or chop off your pretty little head and mount it on a wall in her bedroom!36

Doing her best to come across as stern, in hopes of breaking the disturbing silence that had fallen upon them a few moments ago when she had lapsed into her twisted reverie she said, “If I remember correctly you have a bit of explaining to do.”37

“I do. I must sadly say, however, that it is necessary that our discussion be postponed to a later time. I must leave you now.”38

Sputtering she replied, “Leave me? Are you mad? You are just going to leave me here to rot, is that it?” 39

Seemingly unaffected she answered her inquiry, “I suppose you could say that, yes.”40

Taken aback by the lucridity of the statement a shocked Charlotte exclaimed, “Excuse me?”41

“You will not believe a word I tell you until it has taken place. It would only be a waste of time.”42

“`Till what has taken place, Toria?” Her blood began to boil in frustration; she had no patience for these things. She needed to know what was going on and she needed to know immediately.43

Simply, as if she believed that the irritated woman who stood before her should’ve already known the answer she said, “The dying of your human flesh, of course.”44

Reaching a breaking point, she was so distraught that her words seemed but a squeak, “Dying of my human flesh?” 45

“Indeed, I’d hoped that you would have realized it by now,” she paused. “If you were human you wounds would’ve been fatal. I would not be standing face-to-face with you now. You are no longer human, Charlotte. Currently, you stand between the worlds of both the human race and that of the vampires. In order for your full transition to occur your human flesh must die. You yourself will not die, only your mortal body, to be replaced with a superior one. A body that will not die, will not break, a body without flaws. That, Charlotte, is the body of a vampire, a body which will be yours forever after the coming of the full moon in seventy-and-two hours. ‘Till then you must sleep. When the time is come for your transition to be finished I will come and awaken you. When you wake, then we shall talk. Ask no questions, in a short while they will answer themselves. I understand that you have no reason to trust me, but, it is my wish that you try.” Grabbing her arm rather forcefully, she led her over to her three-day’s-bed and helped her inside.46

“Whaa-” making a shushing noise Toria touched her finger to the anxious woman’s mouth.47

“Do not speak. Sleep.” After barely managing to place her inside, she pulled out three nails from the pocket of her robe. An individual ruin was etched on the head of each. One held the symbol for peace, another for sleep, and the other for security and protection. Quickly she grabbed the hammer she had placed nearby and pounded them in the top of the coffin in a triangular pattern, binding them together. 48

Author notes

This is my first attempt at a story in a LONG time. What are your thoughts?

Is this novel material?

    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
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Comments


  • Nocturne Moderators member
    May 21, 2008

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    You have some rich descriptions here, and perhaps this is novel material. I'm always nervous about giving a definite yes or not to any suck question because hey, it's impossible to tell until the whole thing is written.

    My opinion currently is that this piece could undergo a lot of heavy editing, but it also has a lot of potential.

    The beginning, in my opinion, was weighted down with a lot of telly description (telling and not showing). The piece informed the reader, instead of using imagery and description to lead the reader to a conclusion. Example: "There was no denying that the woman possessed a supernaturally enrapturous beauty"

    this is a little heavy and informative. Often, what really interests the reader is when something is described in such a way that the reader says him/herself "Oh wow, she must be really really beautiful!" without the writer ever saying that word.

    But really, otherwise I found little else to really poke at. I'm not certain what direction the story will continue in, but this is a solid beginning.

    Good luck writing!
    Nocturn

  • Lost-Lezzy-15
    May 21, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    No I'm not finished yet