dark red petals dance around my hand in the current of the water.
looking as soft as a feather.
standing out out from the sky blue water.
the moist wet dark petals seem to cling gracefully to my skin.1
it's a shame something as bautiful has to be distoryed in it's prime for this luxury.2
please comment and tell what you think
Comments
1 - 7 of 7
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its okay.
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Good! But the word should be 'dance' not dances ! Did you re-read?
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wow its rally cool i love it
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hey sorry i accidetally typed ina chate here and dont knwo howw to remove it
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i really like it =)
some grammar mistakes tho:
dark red petals DANCE...
this is a suggestion as it will make it flow more but the grammar isn't techincally wrong so u dont have to change it lol:
IT LOOKS intstead of looking
IT STANDS OUT instead of standing out
and take out seem in second to last line if you want cuz i think it sounds better without it (your choice completely tho! =) )
beautiful...destroyed...lol simple spelling errors
but its a sweet poem, great work! -
Okay, this really needs a finer edit- there were some mistakes and typos in there, and it's a little short, but the imagery was very effective. There wasn't really a clear structual pattern, and it didn't really come across as a poem when I read it. I think you've got some very good descriptions, but need to work on making this sound more like a poem.
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cool
could of used a better colour for the words.
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