Heart Shattering

I remember the day I found out, you were cheating on me the whole time. Sure that thought was always there but I am so naive that I didn't want to see it for my own eyes. I was betrayed not only by you the one I love but by my best friend as well.
Its hard to accept the fact a person you thought cared so much for you to the point you told them everything and gave them everything you ever held dearly to you. My heart shattered in to a million pieces that day not only once but twice. I wonder if she ever knew the reason I broke down in to tears and tried to hide it that day she told me she was dating you. I always been the secret the one hiding in the shadows. 1

My group of friends and I sat in a huge group that took up two tables in the far left hand corner of the lunch room. I can't remember exactually if that was my normal lunch period or not but I do remember it wasn't one of the big lunches when we all were togeather. I came up to talk to the girl and my best friend and I am not sure if I asked straight out or not but I know the answer.2

"yes, I thought you knew"3

I remember just kinda sinking down on the other side of the table and just placing my hands over my face and crying  but trying to hide it and all. Not sure exactly what happened after that.4


 I know I wasn't around as much as I should have been maybe it would have never happened but I am sure everything back then flew under my radar. I hated her for a while barely wanted to speak to her but knew I had to no matter what I couldn't show my hatred or feelings. I became even more of a black hole covered in a shell. 5

My Sweet darling, what did I ever do to make you kill my heart that way?6

I sat at my computer desk sitting there staring at the screen as you got on AIM. I didn't want to talk to you let alone image you beautiful face in my mind. I remember asking you who you loved more and when you answered her it broke for the second time in to more pieces unfix-able pieces. I sat there crying for hours and drove the knife deeper in to my shoulders.
To this day I will never tell you that your a small reason that I drove deeper in to my depression. Yet, I wish that you would know that after the pain I felt that day. You are the only one I have ever truly loved and still love to this day.7

I am not sure on some days why I continue to be your secret love and why my heart although with its boundaries set up still wants you love and compassion. The longest time I could never stand to see you sit with another women, I have some what allow that hurt to go away and it lessens more and more every day.
Now you are back with her but it doesn't hurt as much since the once before made me want to kill them. My friendships are weary and my love never falters for you. I know I was not the only one hurt that day cause I told you those hateful words , " I hate you" and " I like someone else anyway"
That person I liked them was just way to see past my hurt and fears. I know even in the shadows that when you say those words again to me I will never be able to love again and you I don't think I would be able to feel that way towards again.8

Author notes

I am sure I should learned the first time but true love is true love.

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Comments


  • tonialoise
    May 12

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    I could feel the hurt in you when you wrote this.

    I did find some issues that need to be looked at though

    p1 "Its hard to accept the fact a person you thought cared so much for you to the point you told them everything and gave them everything you ever held dearly to you." this sentence is a runon and not a complete one. I felt I was left hanging at the end of it.

    "I always been the secret the one hiding in the shadows." should be "always had been the secret, the..." This sentence also makes it sound like he was cheating with you and not the other way around. So if that's not the fact you might want to look at rewording it.

    p3 "yes, I thought you knew" Yes should be capitalized and there should be some ending punctuation.

    p8 "still wants you love and compassion." should be your

    There are more errors, but I think you probably get the point.

    There's a lot of telling and not showing in this that I think takes away from the emotional impact of it. Plus since there's a lot of grammar problems that also keeps one from getting emotionally involved in it and brings them back to the real world.

    Keep trying and I'm sure those emotions will make this into a good story.


  • HopelesslyInLove
    September 9, 2008
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    You forgot to put your favorite TV show in your authors notes, please add that, thanks


  • Naive.
    June 8, 2008

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    Amazing emotion. You have some beautiful description of the heartbreak and love. There are a few mistakes with grammar, but definitely not enough to take away from the greatness of this piece. Great job.

    -jj


  • Reaver Greeters member
    May 21, 2008

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    This was beautifully worded and sad.  I could feel the sadness and frustration. And Love. Paragraph one sentence one..no ',' needed . ',' after 'you, the one...' . 'its' should be 'it's'. ...things like that need to be corrected. You have run-on's, but they are almost warranted, given the content. Watch contractions, capitals and punctuation. Very well articulated. I enjoyed reading throughout. Just work on the grammar and structure. Thanks for entering! ~Durian