We Used To Sing - Chapters 1 & 2

We Used to Sing1

November, 19932

My first distinct memory was the night my mother took my sister and me out for ice cream. I was seven years old and my sister was five. It must have been at least one o’clock in the morning. Mom woke us up in a rush with the promise of ice cream and an adventure. My sister and I were groggy but we took the bait. We jumped out of bed and rushed to put on any scrap of clothes we found first. My mother had already rushed out of the room so after I was dressed, I helped my sister. We must have looked ridiculous in our mismatched clothes and knotted blonde hair.3

Mom ran into the room and started to rush us out the door. Neither of us knew what was going on, everything had happened too fast. I had nearly forgotten the wallet my father had given me the year before. It was really more of a bus pass holder and it never held any money but I always remembered what my father had told me, “Never forget to always take this with you, Cora, just in case”. I didn’t know what ‘just in case’ was when I was seven – all I knew was that it was important. 4

The only thing that I remember about the drive was that it was fast, really fast. My sister was scared and I could tell she was trying really hard not to cry. She didn’t want to make Mom angry. When we finally stopped, I looked out the window and saw the train station. 5

“Mom,” I whined, “There’s no ice cream here!”6

“It’s just a pit stop, baby” she replied in an anxious voice. “We just have to go in here for a minute. Then we’ll get ice cream.” 7

We all got out of the car and Mom almost ran to the doors, always looking wildly over her shoulder. I think that it was then that I had suspected that we weren’t here for ice cream. She took us by the hands in the train station and rushed up to the teller. They were whispering things that I couldn’t hear. The teller looked confused at first, then very concerned. We left with train tickets to who knows where. 8

We sat on the benches waiting for the next train to come. My sister kept asking where we were going. She was tired and cranky over not getting the ice cream she was promised. Mom just answered over and over “We’re going for ice cream, babies. We’ll get lots of ice cream.”9

I don’t remember how much time had passed when the police showed up. My sister was asleep in my lap and I don’t think that my Mom even noticed the police officer who was cautiously approaching us. I found out later that whatever my mother had told the teller had scared her enough to call the police – for the safety of the children, apparently. 10

“Good morning, ma’am. Where are you heading this morning?”11

“Away” was the only reply that my mother seemed to be able to say. “Just away.”12

The officer continued to question her for things like her ID, anything to show him who she was, who we were, if we even belonged to her. I thought about my wallet. “Here, mister.” I said, holding my wallet up in the air. “My Daddy gave me it to me.”13

The officer looked at the wallet. I’m not sure if he took me seriously or not at first, but when he opened it up, his face got very serious. He knelt down to look me in the eyes, “are you Cora?” I nodded.14

“Where’s your dad?”15

I shrugged. “I don’t know. I guess he’s at home” I said. 16

“Okay,” the officer replied, “Watch your mom and sister, make sure you stay here.” He got up and walked a few feet away. I could hear the activity over the radio as he had a conversation with someone on the other end. Suddenly, my mother got very scared. 17

“C’mon girls, we have to go. We’re going to miss our train, let’s go.” She shook my sister a little who had been sleeping through the whole encounter. 18

“But Mom, The policeman said that we had to stay.” I objected. “He told me that we have to stay here.”19

Mom got angry, “are you going to listen to him or your own mother?” she barked at me, “we have to leave now.”20

“But where are we going?” I was really scared. My sister was confused but too young to really understand what was happening. I wondered what was in my wallet that was so concerning to the police officer. 21

Mom wouldn’t tell us where we were going but she wanted to get there fast. I was torn. I didn’t know whether to listen to my mother or the police officer. It didn’t matter, the officer noticed my mother picking up our things and rushing us along. 22

“Ma’am, Ma’am! You can’t leave. You need to stay here for a few minutes; we need to sort a few things out.”23

My mother started screaming. I’ll never forget the sound she made that night. She was screaming for help, for God, for someone to help her. “Get away from me you bastard” she shrieked, “you’ll never take them away! They’re mine, they’re my children! He’s going to kill us; he’ll kill them all in their sleep! I need to save them, you’ll never take them!”24

I was terrified. I wondered who my mother felt she was protecting us from. My sister was crying, covering her ears. She couldn’t take the yelling and screaming. When Mom and Dad fought, she’d run into my room with her ears covered. I’d have to hold her until it was over. I was holding her then. 25

I heard the footsteps of more people coming towards the scene my mother was making in the train station in the middle of the night. 26

My mother was wild. She tried to leave with us but the police officer wouldn’t let her go. “We’ve called your husband, miss. He’s very worried, you need to stay here and he’ll come and get you.”27

This set my mother off. She had the most terrified and angry look on her face. Anything that she could throw she threw at the policeman, her purse, and phone – even her shoes she took off and hurled his way. I hadn’t noticed they didn’t match until then. 28

“You idiot! You bastard! What have you done? How can I save them now, how can I save them?” She was crying. I realized that she was convinced that my father was bent on murdering us all. She picked my sister and me up and tried to run to the train tracks. She never made it. We were far too heavy for her to carry and by that time there were several uniformed officers at the terminal. I don’t like to think about what she was going to do when we got to the tracks.29

An officer grabbed me and my sister and another took my mother. She was still screaming for them to get away from us, that she needed to save us from her imagined threat. She was convinced she was the only one that could save us.30

The officer took us to the benches on the far side of the room and tried to distract us with magic tricks and lollipops. My sister was captivated by the man but I was transfixed on what was happening to my mother. The officer had sat her down on a bench and was holding her arms. Her clear blue eyes were large and scared. I saw lights flashing outside and paramedics come in the door with a stretcher. My Dad followed and met with an officer who explained what happened. He talked to the paramedics for a minute before coming over to us. He didn’t even look at my mother. 31

I ran over to him and cried in his arms, “I’m sorry.” I didn’t know what else to say to him.32

“It’s not your fault, Cora. It’s not your fault.” He looked at me with his green Irish eyes. They were tired and worn. This wasn’t the first time that Mom had pulled a stunt like this but it was the first time it had gotten this far. His eyes didn’t smile anymore. They were filled with tears. “Neither you or Roselyn had anything to do with this, nothing, do you understand me? You were both so brave.” A tear escaped his eye and he wiped it nearly as fast as it dropped. I nodded and tears streamed down my checks. 33

We went home with Dad that night and Mom went with the police. Dad tried to make life as normal as possible for the next few weeks but the house was empty without my mother. We didn’t go to see her. My Dad told us that Mom was on vacation. It was mostly for Rosie’s benefit. I knew better.34

October, 2008 (Present Day)35

I had just dropped by book bag outside my bedroom door when the phone started to ring. I never answered the phone; it was usually a booty call from one of my roommate’s many boyfriends. I figure if it’s important they’ll leave a message for me. After a few minutes I saw the light flash on the phone’s cradle. I picked up the phone and entered the password. The deep echoes of an Irish accent flowed through the air like butter. It was my father.36

“Hello Cora, it’s your dad. I’m just calling to remind you about our party at the house this Saturday. I do hope you can make it, my darling. I’m sure your classes can wait one weekend. Okay, hope to hear from you soon.”37

I sighed as I hung up the phone. That was the last place I wanted to spend my weekend. I rooted around for my schedule and studied it intently, “there has to be an excuse not to go,” I thought. Nope. Exams were still weeks away and the weekend was completely free. I swore under my breath. I wished for some excuse not to go but I knew it would break my father’s heart. I jumped when I heard the keys unlocking the door to the apartment.38

“Hey Veronica,” I yelled out. “I’m in the living room.” Veronica has been my roommate for the last three years. We were both in the final year of university. We both started out as Journalism majors which is how we met, but I’m the only one that stuck with it. Veronica switched over to Fine Arts halfway through second year. She always joked that she liked majors that had absolutely no real chance of getting her a job after graduation. 39

“Hi,” she replied. “What’s new?”40

“Oh, I have to go home this weekend. It’s my parents’ 25th wedding anniversary and they’re having a party. I think Rose organised it.” That would be no surprise. Roselyn had just turned 20. She just started into a psychology program the previous September and still lived at home. Personally, I got out of that house as soon as I could, but Rose liked it there. She’d been shy and reserved since she was small and always had the biggest heart of us all. When Mom got sick, she’d be the first one to want to take care of her or to pick up the slack when she left. I did my own part in raising her. Dad didn’t know how to raise little girls on his own, but he tried his best. I guess I didn’t know much about it either. Rose wanted to be a therapist which was really a testament to her desire to help people and the true impact my mother had on her. I always felt guilty about leaving her in that house alone but she wouldn’t have it any other way. 41

“Well that sounds fun,” Veronica said. I snapped out of my daydream. “You’ll get to see your family again, it’s been a while since you’ve been back, hasn’t it?”42

It had been a while since I’d been back. I always avoided going home. It was like walking on eggshells all the time. Everyone worried about saying the wrong thing and setting my mother off, upsetting my father or both. 43

Saturday came fast enough and I made my way to the bus station. I found the right platform and let the bus driver help me stow my bags. When I boarded the bus, I was glad to see some window seats open. Watching the scenery pass by was strangely relaxing for me. Once I settled in and got myself comfortable, a young man came and clumsily sat down in the adjacent seat. I smiled politely and tried to start reading my book. 44

“You don’t remember me, do you?” said the stranger, leaning over on the arm rest. I examined his face for some feature that may have reminded me of who he was. His dark features and strong jaw weren’t ringing any bells for me. 45

“No, I’m sorry. I don’t think I do.”46

“I’m the man of your dreams.” He replied with a devilish grin. 47

I laughed. “Wow. Did you think of that all on your own?” 48

“Ouch,” he replied with a laugh. “Well, I’m not quite sure how to recover from the one.” He had laugh lines etched into his young face from years of smiling. I closed the book, still using my finger as a page marker and looked over at him. “My name is Cora.” I held out my hand to shake his. Instead, he took my hand in his and kissed it gently. “Cora,” he repeated. I couldn’t help but blush. I took my hand back and laughed nervously. I got a little flustered and this made him laugh again. 49

“I’m William.” He was clearly enjoying himself. 50

I smiled. “Nice to meet you, William.” I turned back to book and tried to read but I couldn’t stop thinking about how I was going to go three hours without talking to him. I looked over at him and he was still staring at me from the corner of his eye. I blushed and quickly went back to my book. I heard his already familiar laugh again.51

We talked the entire ride to the city. We talked as if we’d known each other for all our lives. William was studying to become a teacher and played the guitar. He didn’t live far from where Veronica and I lived and we even discovered that we were in the same freshman literature class. I almost didn’t want to get off the bus when it pulled into my final destination. William was going to the next stop.52

“So, can I get your number so I can ask you out properly?”53

“Sure.” I smiled and scribbled my home number on the stub of my bus ticket. “I’ll be home by Monday.” I waved goodbye to him and started shuffling off the bus. I looked out the window and noticed my father already waiting on the platform. He was looking at the people passing by hoping that one of them was me. As I watched him I realised I was just as eager to see him. In the months it had been since I’d last been home, I forgot how much I missed his sparkling green eyes and wide welcoming smile. I idolised my father. Time and hardship had aged his face and hair and sometimes I could still see the light fade from his face. That wasn’t the case today, though. He was as happy as I’d ever seen him. He saw this anniversary as a new beginning for us all.