Phobic pt 14

In the lab1

Kathleen Meallen stared at the computer screen before her, unable to move, to speak, even blink… no thoughts that could be put into words came to her mind, only pure, undiluted horror. She could not tear her eyes away from the prone body of Annabelle Sheridan- the body that, judging from the others’ words and reactions, was no longer alive. 2

Kathleen had glanced around frantically at the other computer screens after Annabelle fell- no, was pushed, after Kade had pushed her with all his strength- trying to find one that was zoomed in more closely on Annabelle, one that would better show what had happened to her. When she did, she could not bring herself to move her eyes away, or even to think to. Her eyes were unwaveringly focused on Annabelle’s crushed in temple, the temple that was steadily leaking a pool of blood that was beginning to settle around her head.3

On the computer screens, the other five participants were reacting in their individual ways, most of them strong and emotional, as was only to be expected. Devon Austell was once more latched onto Kalah Peyton, one hand gripping her arm as the other gripped her hand. He was standing rigid with fear, his face pale and twitching slightly, as he almost yelled out a constantly flowing string of high-pitched questions and suggestions. The young man was nearly in tears as he jerkily flicked his eyes around the room, seeming to want to keep them away from Annabelle’s body, but unable to help himself from returning to it.4

Kalah did not react to Devon’s hands on her; honestly she wasn’t reacting to much of anything at all. She stood there, her limbs loose and limp, arms dangling at her side, and stared at Annabelle’s body; her horrified reaction, or lack thereof, was quite similar to Kathleen’s own.5

Judson Tavish and Shana Bradley were bent over Annabelle’s body. Judson alternated between hovering anxiously, asking Shana urgent questions that she was reluctant to answer, and looking up, trying to say reassurances to the others, trying to calm them. But his words were so desperate, his voice so weak and unconvincing, that nothing he said registered to them, and they certainly did not believe it.6

Shana examined the younger woman’s body for several minutes, much longer than was needed to determine whether she was alive, or even the extent of her wounds. It was as if by checking her for so long she was trying to delay having to admit to the inevitable, desperately hoping that she would find some sign to dash her fears. She was crying without seeming to realize that she was, tears streaming down her cheeks nearly noiselessly as Judson hovered over her, helpless, and Devon continued to toss out questions without waiting for an answer. 7

When Shana finally looked up at the others from the computer screen, where Kathleen still sat watching, paralyzed, choking out with teary eyes and a crumpled countenance that Annabelle was dead, Kathleen could feel her heart twisting inside her, actual physical pain seeming to stab up and down her chest and torso. This could not be happening… it just couldn’t be…8

All she could think was, that girl could have been me… she could have been me, I could have been her, oh my god… we just killed her. We did this, we set this up, we killed her …9

Kade Eamon had been very quiet as Shana and Judson crouched over the young woman’s body, his expression taut, his eyes still fierce with barely reigned in aggression and anger. He did not move, showed no horror or regret for his actions. He didn’t even speak… until Shana proclaimed to them that Annabelle was dead.10

It was as if something had switched on inside him; a violence lit itself in his eyes, and he was screaming, gesturing wildly, in a not-quite-sane manner that made even Devon shut up, his mouth dropping as he along with the others stared.11

“I didn’t kill her! I didn’t, stop looking at me like I did!”he shrieked, and his arms flew about in jerky, nonsensical motions that made the others flinch involuntarily. “I barely touched her! I DIDN’T fucking kill her, it was her own fucking fault! Don’t you fucking look at me like that- SHE did it, she wanted it! She made me, you saw her, SHE did it! She wanted to die, and I don’t fucking blame her, we’re all going to anyway! What the hell gives you the-“12

“Kade,” Shana tried to say shakily, her voice small and crushed, with no conviction to it. “Kade, we’re not blaming you-“13

Before she could finish her sentence- before any of them could quite grasp what was going on- Kade had run over to her, seizing her by the upper arms. As Shana’s face twisted with fear, and she gasped, too stunned and frightened to move, Kade jerked her to her feet, moving his hands to her shoulders and shaking her so roughly her head whipped back and forth, her teeth clicking together as tears flew off her cheeks.14

“Don’t you fucking speak! You’re fucking patronizing me, is what you’re doing!” he screamed, his face very close to hers, his angry eyes seeming to take up most of his features. Spittle sprayed her as Shana closed her eyes, cringing, but unable to bring herself to pull away.15

“I didn’t kill her! I didn’t fucking kill her, do you fucking understand me?!” Kade continued to yell and after a few minutes, Judson jumped up, pulling Shana away from him and backing away from Kade, his arms around her protectively. Shana was still crying breathlessly, something not much helped when they nearly tripped over Annabelle’s body.16

As Judson yelled for Kade to stay away from them all and Kade screamed back, Devon and Kalah flattened themselves against the wall in the other room, still tightly gripping hands, their faces strained with fear.17

It was at this point that Kathleen tore her eyes from the screen, unable to stand watching anymore. Her heart was pounding so hard she could hear it nearly over top their voices on the screen- almost, but not quite. She felt physically ill; her eyes smarted, her throat and chest ached, and her hands were shaking badly. She simply could not believe what she was seeing… she could not help but feel fully, entirely at fault for it.18

Kathleen looked over at Russell, finally daring to see what his reaction was, what he might be planning to do. His expression showed none of the shock and horror she was feeling, none of the pain… he did look a bit startled, but truly more intense than anything else… he was leaned forward, watching closely. There was a strange gleam in his eyes, something she thought could be fascination… even excitement. 19

Seeing that look in his eyes unsettled Kathleen, made something tighten painfully in her stomach as she swallowed hard. She must be imagining it- surely she was…20

“Dr. P-Patrick,’’ she croaked, barely able to force the words from her dry throat. “W-we have to stop this. What are we going to d-do? We have to go in there, or something…”21

Russell barely flicked a glance in her direction; when he spoke to her, there was no mistaking the anticipation in his tone… the almost delight…22

“Well, of course we don’t, Kathleen.”23

Kathleen stared at him blankly, certain at first that she had heard him wrong. Of course she had…24

“W-what?”25

“Of course we don’t, Kathleen,” Russell repeated, and this time Kathleen was sure she had heard him… she just could not understand…26

“What?” she whispered weakly. “Why would you say that? Why-“27

“Well, think about it, Kathleen,” Russell told her without bothering to look at her as he eyed the figures on the screen eagerly, his tone patronizing, tinged with impatience, as if she had asked a question that even a dim-witted child should have been able to figure out. “Don’t you see- just because something unfortunate like this has happened, something we didn’t expect, that doesn’t mean that we’ve done anything wrong, or that the experiment is no longer valid. Of course not- in fact, it can be used to our advantage. This unexpected debacle is, in fact, a surprising bonus to our research. Unfortunate to be sure, but also rather serendipitous.”28

As the figures on the screen continued to shout back and forth at each other, their voices were barely heard by Kathleen; her trembling had spread from her hands to her legs and torso as well so that she felt faint, not certain that she could remain standing. Surely she had heard wrong… surely… he couldn’t mean that, he couldn’t. 29

“What are you talking about?” she squealed, hating how weak she sounded, how frightened but unable to change her tone.30

“Well, Kathleen, the experiment has been taken to a whole new level now,” Russell told her, his tone almost lecturing. “This is beyond phobias, beyond surface fears… what we’re getting to now is an observance of the truest, deepest fears of humans, fears at the center of us all. We have an opportunity now to observe how people react in genuinely crisis situations, when completely removed from society, completely with nothing to guide them but their logic, their instincts, their emotions… and their fears. It should be fascinating, to see all this at play at once, and to observe where it carries them, which and who will win out…”31

Kathleen stared at him; she was beginning to feel a slow horror rising in her, one even greater than her initial shocked emotion- for this one was born out of her dawning realization that the man before her, the man whom she had admired and strived to please for nearly a year of her life, was a man she did not know at all. A man capable of a coldness, a calculated ambition in the name of his work, that she could not comprehend or condone in the slightest.32

“Dr. Patrick- Dr. Patrick, she’s dead,” she nearly whispered, and then her voice was rising, sharp and shrill with feeling. “She’s DEAD, don’t you understand that- one of the participants is DEAD! Annabelle Sheridan is DEAD- a 22-year-old college student died, was KILLED, in OUR experiment! How can you say that that is at ALL a good thing?! How can you not stop it?! They’re going to end up getting MORE people hurt, Dr. Patrick, they’re going to end up killing each other, all five of them!”33

“Well, we can’t know that yet, can we?” Russell said with a hint of sarcasm. “But I guess we’ll see, if you would please allow me to concentrate. You have to understand, Kathleen- they knew the risks of the experiment. I did not ASK them to participate- they volunteered.”34

And with that, he turned his full attention back to the screens, seeming to feel that the matter was settled, his point made. Kathleen could only gawk at him, a sickening despair making it hard for her to think, to breathe…35

She didn’t know what to say, what to do. She couldn’t’ very well run after them, going through all those rooms, and debrief them alone, could she? She wouldn’t know how- and what about Kade Eamon, what if he had truly snapped, if he tried to hurt her? But he had already hurt one… he had KILLED Annabelle Sheridan. And there were four others with him still.36

She couldn’t go along with this- she couldn’t NOT stop this- could she? She had to help them, stop this… but how?37