Like every cliché teenage story, mine begins with high school. I'm not sure if this whole story is cliché, but you be the judge of that. High school was already looking like it was going to suck. Mum made me get a uniform at least 3 sizes too big, so by the time I got off the bus my pants were around my ankles and almost everyone knew my answer to the infamous question: 'Boxers or jocs?'1
I was about to hop back onto the bus and beg for the driver to take me home; until I saw my best mate Lucca leaning against main entry wall. 2
'Oi Luc!' I shouted, madly jumping up and down waving. 3
'You can tell who is gonna be the loser of the first years ay?' I heard a girl mutter to her friend.4
I decided it would be best to stop jumping up and down like a freak and casually walk over as if I only just met him.5
'Oh my god, is Nick already trying to look cool?' he said as he looked at me skeptically. I pretended that I wasn't embarrassed and tried to shrug it off until he embarrassed me even more with this comment.
'God mate, either pull up your pants or I'll pull them up for you!' Exclaimed Luca as we began to walk into our new torture chamber,aka the assembly hall.
'Great,a lecture first thing up in the morning, whadda great
introduction to grade 10!' I thought to myself.
Lucca must've seen the grim look on my face as I scanned the giant ominous hall.
'Cheer up, least we can start new here. We might even be the rebels of the grade!'
I smirked at this comment. Me a school rebel? The most rebellious thing I've done is coughed without covering my mouth.6
As we walked into the hall late, a thousand heads turned to stare at the late comers. A thousand pairs of eyes were on us; it made my skin prickle. If it weren't for Lucca, I probably would've done something stupid like wave at everyone but luckily Luca grabbed my wrist and pulled me into one of the back rows.
'Now that we've had the usual drib drab students grace us with their presence we shall begin soon, boys please stand and apologize to your peers.' said the man at the front of the hall. He was a stout man with a large nose and droopy eyes with dark circle under them. He looked like he had only just woken up, with his failure of a comb over and is sweater askew.
This was my chance to be the grade's rebel, but Lucca was way ahead of me.
'Yeah sorry we got lost on the 6 meter walk from the entry!'
We both waited for the laughs but there was only silence.
'Wow that was as honest as Osama Bin Laden wanting peace,' the stout man replied 'Now sit!'
His stupid joke got more laughs than ours did.
'What a bunch of kiss-ups!' I whispered to Lucca, but he was already listening to the prattling of the rules.7
This is going to be a long three years in this dump.
I was about to hop back onto the bus and beg for the driver to take me home; until I saw my best mate Lucca leaning against main entry wall. 2
'Oi Luc!' I shouted, madly jumping up and down waving. 3
'You can tell who is gonna be the loser of the first years ay?' I heard a girl mutter to her friend.4
I decided it would be best to stop jumping up and down like a freak and casually walk over as if I only just met him.5
'Oh my god, is Nick already trying to look cool?' he said as he looked at me skeptically. I pretended that I wasn't embarrassed and tried to shrug it off until he embarrassed me even more with this comment.
'God mate, either pull up your pants or I'll pull them up for you!' Exclaimed Luca as we began to walk into our new torture chamber,aka the assembly hall.
'Great,a lecture first thing up in the morning, whadda great
introduction to grade 10!' I thought to myself.
Lucca must've seen the grim look on my face as I scanned the giant ominous hall.
'Cheer up, least we can start new here. We might even be the rebels of the grade!'
I smirked at this comment. Me a school rebel? The most rebellious thing I've done is coughed without covering my mouth.6
As we walked into the hall late, a thousand heads turned to stare at the late comers. A thousand pairs of eyes were on us; it made my skin prickle. If it weren't for Lucca, I probably would've done something stupid like wave at everyone but luckily Luca grabbed my wrist and pulled me into one of the back rows.
'Now that we've had the usual drib drab students grace us with their presence we shall begin soon, boys please stand and apologize to your peers.' said the man at the front of the hall. He was a stout man with a large nose and droopy eyes with dark circle under them. He looked like he had only just woken up, with his failure of a comb over and is sweater askew.
This was my chance to be the grade's rebel, but Lucca was way ahead of me.
'Yeah sorry we got lost on the 6 meter walk from the entry!'
We both waited for the laughs but there was only silence.
'Wow that was as honest as Osama Bin Laden wanting peace,' the stout man replied 'Now sit!'
His stupid joke got more laughs than ours did.
'What a bunch of kiss-ups!' I whispered to Lucca, but he was already listening to the prattling of the rules.7
This is going to be a long three years in this dump.
Author notes
This is Australian high school, which goes from grade 10 (15 years old.) to grade 12 (17 yrs old.)
I'm trying to make this look like an average teen story but in truth the storyline is kinda twisted and depressing. So I hope I get some fans and people read this!
A contest entry
- Novel Starts... by Reaver.
170 points, ended June 1, 2008, 10 entries
• next story in this contest, remove from contest
Well I think it's bad, what do you think?
Comments
1 - 5 of 5
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This was good! Some grammar stuff: P3 comma after down. P5 Comma after over. P6 Comma after Luca, and shouldn't Luca be Lucca? P7 comma after everyone. Break into a new paragraph for different dialogues. Enjoyed this! Good concept! Thanks for entering.
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It may be a bit cliche in the eyes of some, but I really liked this. I like the attempt at humor from the characters and I especially loved the line ' If it weren't for Lucca, I probably would've done something stupid like wave at everyone'. That was funny. I get a good feel for what the character is like. If you post more of this, please message me. I'll gladly read it.


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It's alright so far... Yes it's a bit cliche, but you can make cliche work if you write it just right.
It ended in an awkward place...but other than that it seems promising.
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Funny thing about the cliffhanger. I was in the middle of writing it and mum said if I didn't get off the computer she would smash the screen, hence why it finishes in the middle of a sentence. I'll try to finish this chapter quick smart!
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I like it.
I like the beginning it`s funny. I don`t quite get what the someone mutters. Maybe you mean: `Are you the one who is gonna be the loser of grade 8 eh?` or something similar to that. The ending left me wondering, not in a good cliffhanger way though. In more of a, `Did she finish it?` sorta way. Despite that, it was a good start. Not a cliché at all. Now if you happen to write a story like this in school, for class, that might be more of a cliché.
Great,
-Kieran
1 - 5 of 5





