His alarm hadn't even gone off, nothing had happened. And yet, Kaleb's eyes flew open- he shot from bed, his heart-1
(stopping)2
-racing, and sped around the room, tugging his clothes on and stuffing his things into his backpack. 3
He picked things up off the floor, he stuffed things in the closet, all in a hurried frenzy, at five thirty in the morning, exactly one hour and fifty minutes before he even had to leave for the bus stop. 4
He was in the middle of picking up a dirty shirt from the floor, it was gripped right in between his bony fingers, when he quite suddenly dropped to his knees and buried his face in his hands. He couldn't do anything to keep burning rivers of acid-like tears from searing down his cheeks. 5
Yes, his nerves were- 6
(SCREAMING BLOODY MURDER, because where was God?)7
-very, very splintered. 8
...And, he- 9
(screamed)10
-cried, and not the oh-so-cliche and pathetic tear-running-down-your-face crying, the shuddering, gasping, sobbing crying that just- 11
(shoves)12
-wrenches the breath right out of you.13
Kaleb sunk from his knees onto the floor, curling up with the shirt still clutched in his hand, stuffing some of it into his mouth to the point where he-14
(hung like Christ)15
-gagged, so that he would quiet down and maybe not wake up anyone in the house. He dug his fingernails into his forehead and no longer was he breathing, he was hyperventilating, heaving for breath and digging his nails harder and harder into his scalp until he thought he might bleed-16
(the water was red)17
-and he just couldn't take it anymore. 18
It was another... another anxiety attack. 19
He lifted himself off the floor, standing shakily, and made his way towards his bed. Because his lungs were so desperate for air, he had to open his mouth to breathe, so the shirt dropped from his mouth and landed on his foot, where it was pulled along as he furiously stumbled over to his bedside desk. There was a little drawer in it, and he- 20
(pulled out, and Kaleb gasped from the pain of it)21
-pulled it open and grasped his only solace close to his heart- his rosary. 22
He dropped onto his bed and rolled over, curling up into the fetal position, with the rosary bunched up in his hands and pressed almost painfully hard- 23
(into him, and Kaleb could feel the blood beginning to flow)24
-against his chest, but, already, he was beginning to feel just a little calmer. 25
And he stopped crying, not because he wanted to, but because no one can cry forever. Sometimes, like Kaleb had so many times before, you just run out of- 26
(energy)27
-tears. 28
Once he had calmed down to the point where he was breathing mostly normally and his shakes had calmed to shudders, he untwined the rosary from his shaking, achy fingers and put it around his neck. 29
Yes, he was definitely wearing his rosary at school today.
Author notes
omg.
I almost cried writing this; but I don't know if it's because of what happened during this chapter or because I know something that's going to happen soon.
Title- [God Willing] - Deliver Me
Here's the link to chapter five.
http://storywrite.com/story/169338
Comments are like food for the starving author *nom nom nom*
Comments
1 - 7 of 7
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Oh...My...God.
I keep feeling lower and lower reading all of this. I love it though it's like heroin, you know? Some people know is screws with their life, but they need to have it. In my case it's just drawing up emotions. I feel so sad for the baby boy. I wanna hug him to deaf (well not death particularly, but close enough to it. The poor boy needs some support...but no one's there! I feel so bad. Off to get my next dose!
♥_|Mel|_♥
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This was great, but strangely enough, a little duller than the other chapters. You conveyed the Kaleb's emotions very well, but something was missing in this- it lacked that impact, or shock, or fast pace that the previous chapters had. I do think this is a very deep story, but it hasn't really managed to touch me yet. I'm not able to feel your character's pain, or desperation, so maybe it could be that your writing is not reflecting the stronger emotions very well, or maybe it's just that I'm a bit heartless... Meh. Anyways, good chapter.
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I feel like i hafta ask...
The first chapter was put under 'true story..' why's that? sorry if im being nosy <.<
anyway, impressive, i got addicted to this story in the first chapter. I love the way you use parenthesis to break up sentences.. and also how that one phrase keeps turning up: (SCREAMING BLOODY MURDER, because where was God?)
Wonderful work ^.^
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I know that feeling...the sickness, the gasping for breath...it's horrible. This chapter made me feel absolutely horrible for Kaleb...it made me want to cry.
For some reason...I thought of a friend long since gone when I read this...Kaleb reminded me of him in this chapter and it made me want to break down crying.
Super sad... -
Oii That was quiet frightening and had be shaking.... Hyoerventalting (cant spell) is fucking horrible... I am glad he managed to calm himself down, though crying and wrenching his shirt down his throat migh of doen him the world of good in some respects.
Such a tender,lad... god he makes me ache to hold him in my arms and take him away from it all..so desperate and lost with no journey ahead, only GOD....
You serve him justice...with every chapter
BLair ~
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O.O so so sad. this is very well written. keep penning. can't wait to read more. Very very sad. it tore my heaart apart reading it.
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