the reason i wake up

Although the person i am today is due to many life experiences, only two of these life experiences have changed me completely.1

I remember that night like it was yesterday, every feeling, every action, even what the weather was like. I'm sorry if i sound distant, disconnected even as i tell you the first part of my story, it is just the way i deal with it now. As a naive teenager who was lonely i had decided it was a bright idea to meet someone off the net... that was my first mistake.2

The second i met the guy i was certain i had made a mistake, but being the person i was then i ignored my intuition and tried to ignore his advances. My flat mates at the time also sensed my apprehension and one of them took this guy up town to get him out of the house. I went to bed in the hopes he would not bother me. My best friend told him when he returned to sleep on the couch as i was asleep.3

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He did not listen, instead he waited until everyone had gone to bed and he came into the room. I don't know how long he was there before he did what he did, but when i awoke he was obvious he was taking what he had decided was his. My second mistake was that I froze with fear... something i tried to explain later in the court case but the lawyer (defendant) found this "impossible", but my arms legs and head felt like lead, i tried to speak but as he stole my soul from me all i could do was scream in my head and pray it would end.5

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Finally he left and i ran from the room, my friends made him leave and i spent the next few days reeling in shock. With my friends and mums support i took him to court.... he was found not guilty too. Which just turned the knife in my crumpled heart that little bit further. For a year afterwards i suffered severe depression, panic attacks, and done a few things that ruined friendships.7

It wasn't until the second life changing event happened that my world slowly began to make sense again.
I met a amazing guy and gave birth to a beautiful little baby girl whose eyes melted my heart, she has been the medicine that infiltrated my body and brought my soul back. The woman i am today is happy thanks to the little blond firecracker who lovingly says "mummy POO's".
To her i will be eternally grateful, she saved me and she doesn't even know it yet.8

Thank you bub.9