A young girl with a keen sense for trouble, her teachers knew her well. Not a day went by that the hyper girl's nose was not in a corner. The townsmen watched her with careful eyes as she entered their stores, sometimes missing the single candy bar she would sneak in her worn pocket. The other children feared her, hiding as she walked by their houses, laughing at their cowardly behaviour. 1
Little Anne was one of pure evil, at least to her parents. Her very existence made her mother's blood boil, making her twitch at the sight of her. Anne's father was the town's farrier. He spent his days and nights shoeing horses, running at the call of his bossy customers. Like her mother, he too despised Anne, banning her to her room above the stable.2
The little girl spent hours and days in isolation, writing in her black clothed journal. Sometimes she got so lonely she would have conversations with the donkey, filling his silent answers with things she wanted to hear. 3
Night was Anne's favorite time of day. She would climb to the old tree-house and sit watching the bats flying, being guided by the moons light. Some say that this was when Anne would lay out her future plans. 4
As the years went by, little Anne grew to big Anne, and then to adult Anne, her maliciousness only growing with her. Still she stayed at home in the small stone house, waiting for a man to take her away and give her all his love. On her sixteenth birthday her wish came true.5
He was the son of the town's mayor, a highly respected man who was expected to take over his father's position. Daughters from all around the poor town feasted on his good looks, hoping that he would name them his wife. When he chose Anne the others turned their noses up in disgust.6
Anne was married at eighteen and gave birth to her first, and only, daughter at nineteen. She named her Mary. Some believe that this was after Bloody Mary, not the Virgin Mary, as Anne assured.7
Time passed and Anne, her husband and their child lived happily in their house, once the mayor's fathers. A week before Christmas Anne's husband was killed in a fire, the cause of a child's reckless actions. The fire caused something in Anne to break, she turned against all children, including her own. The legend says that this is how the Lady Of Shadows became.
Author notes
Everyone was innocent in the beginning. It is others and hardships who make you impure.
Comments
1 - 5 of 5
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Very beautiful. And I loved the author notes, because they were so so so true, and I think many people forget that. I liked the way it was an ordinary life yet so warped and dogged by bad luck. It was cleverly done, and full of imagery, despite the little description you used. Thanks for this, it really made me think and I hope you continue writing such good pieces.
. Best of luck with future work!!!!
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I found hardly any errors in this. But before I get into how much I like it, I'm going to lay them out for you. 1) I do believe for this case layout would be two words.
2) I believe in paragraph 5, there should be a comma after "As the years went by".
3) It might improve the flow if you added an 'and' in the last paragraph. "Time passed, and Anne,..."
I really love the descriptions of Anne. This is a wonderful piece of writing and the dark within her is beautifully written. I wonder, why did the mayor's son choose Anne, though? If there's more to this already, I will be looking for it soon. If not, please let me know when there is!
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Thank you for the suggestions, it's helped a lot
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Very interesting
Became what? Thanks for the heads up on my work,now it is my turn.This could be a wonderful longer story, many oppertunities for more characters, and a thicker plot. Or at least a plot.When I write I try to be as real as the subjects, including language. It is different when you are narrorating the story. wouldn't it be a dull business if every one wrote with a dictionary in hand?This is a good story, I hope you build on it, or maybe write with some one who thinks as you do, to add every other verse.Rebel
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There is a second part to this story - probably the reason you don't understand it. Thanks for your comment and suggestions, highly appreciated.
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