I stood at the firey pits of hell, flames shooting through the sky in streaks of brilliant light. I saw the terrorized faces of those who were stranded here, left to die a pitiless death. Molten lava flowed in rivers, creating a temperature such that is worthy of the devil himself. 1
I of course, was not a prisoner here. I was a far worse prisoner, in a far worse place. I was the devil's prisoner. Bound to him with firey chains, only to be released when my tasks of terror were completed. So there I stood, gazing down at my master's so called "home." Who in their right mind would want to live in a place like this? See the agony of death and deception every minute of every day?2
Apparently, that was me. With a long, leathery whip in my hand, I trecked off in search of more who were ready to be brought into hell. The fire licked at my bone, for all of the flesh that had once covered my body, was entirely gone. Somehow, however, my clothes did not burn. They stayed perfectly in tact, which did not surprise me. 3
My black boots crunched at the bone under my feet, turning it into dust. The black leather pants that fell to the ground over my boots were covered in black soot from the many bonfires for the overly wicked. A cloak was draped over my shoulders, and over the black top that I wore. My eyes burned the colors of fire; deep orange, crimson red, and blistering yellow. 4
All of these things made the appearence of a vampire, and who knows, maybe that's what I was. Although I had no thirst for blood, I had a thirst for fear. I could feel the fear radiating off of the very ones who were next in the devil's firey homeland. I cackled, sending chills through the air, tonight was my night. I could feel it. I would secure my fate tonight.5
"Your time is nearly up, Lucinda." The Devil commented, appearing behind me. A fire encased hand clamped down on my shoulder, and I froze. The devil very rarely confronted someone in person, when he did so, it was not pleasant. I, however, had daily conversations with him myself. I was his servant, one of his many demons in this terrible place.6
"I am aware of that master." I replied, my voice the sound of a crackling fire.7
I had done something to deserve this, although I couldn't recall what. The last thing I remembered of my human life was a dark, stormy night, and someone walking behind me...This recollection often tainted my memories. For I couldn't remember much after that. I do remember the Devil himself walking up to me, offering me a deal. If I would do him a "simple" favor, I could have anything my heart desired. 8
He had forgotten to tell me one thing, that the "favor" that I was to do for him, was to gather the evil souls that polluted Earth and bring them down to him. He was fond of one soul in particular, a young girl that he was destined to marry. I didn't see how I could possibly take someone's soul to THIS place when they had done nothing wrong...the devil, however, thought different. 9
I had signed a contract in my own blood, not something I would advise anyone to do. My soul was bound with the devil until I found his woman, or I would spend eternity falling, falling forever. Not something that sounded pleasant, to me anyway. I had a century to do so, or that would be my fate. My century was nearly up, I had only two weeks to complete my task. No one had ever done such a task, all had failed.10
The Devil grew more impatient with each passing day, he yearned for his love.11
"Very well then, you have 13 days. That is not a lucky number, Lucinda."12
"That happens to be my favorite number, and I think that it is VERY lucky." I strode away from the devil, and into the chill of the night. 13
The wind whipped, billowing my cloak behind me. A long seraded knife sat at my hip, waiting to be unleashed. I flicked my whip, letting it slice into the air. I walked down the small hill that I had appeared on, just outside of England. I was going to find Marissa, and I was going to find her tonight. I would kill anyone who got in my way, for I had no conscience to feel guilty. Not that I would in any sercumstance...14
The cold night air whipped my jet black hair into my face, covering my eyes. I yanked the hair back, wincing slightly as it pulled at the roots. The devil's words still lingered in my mind; 'your time is nearly up' I already was aware of that, and it wasn't something I was proud of.15
I could hear the cries of the departed, yearning for a free trip to heaven. I could hear the river styx churning in my mind; making the hairs on the back of my neck stand up. A thick fog clouded over the small town, giving it an eerie feeling. I was used to that by now, being in the presence of the Devil and all.16
"Where are you Marissa? I am coming to find you..." I hissed into the darkness, sniffing at the air. The scent of the dead was thick in the air, clearly this was a cemetery. Hundreds upon hundreds of gravestones were scattered everywhere, piles of dead flowers lay on the ground next to them. 17
I scurried down the hill, and out of the cemetery. The old iron gates were rusted shut, making it slightly difficult to open them without having to break them. As I pushed on one of the gates, it inadvertantly broke off of its hinges. I propped it back up against the other portion, shrugging. "Oops." I muttered.18
Smoke rose from a nearby house, through a stone chimney. I strolled up to the door, and peered in through one of the windows. The only thing that would be visible would be the paleness of my skin, being in the underworld didn't help with a tan. I felt my eyes turn as black as night, as to help me blend in. Like THAT ever worked. Humans can feel death's presence, therefor they can sense me.19
A saw a brunette, sitting at a table, laughing. Too bad she was going to have to die tonight. She would be the perfect survant to the Devil. Earth can have her back in a century or so...Besides, I could feel that she knew Marissa. Too bad I would have to kill her to get the information.20
I slammed against the door, knocking it to the ground. The brunette screamed, and nearly fell off of her chair. She stared at me with wide eyes, instantly knowing why I was here.21
"W-what do you w-want with me?" She asked, stuttering.22
"What do you THINK?" I hissed, glaring at her, my eyes instantaniously turning the colors of fire again.23
She didn't answer, only stared at me with wide eyes. I closed my eyes, shaking my head. Humans were so stupid, so easily surprised.24
"A-Are you g-going to k-k-kill me?" She stuttered again, regaining my attention.25
"Yes,"26
"But before I do, I have a few questions for you. Concerning a certain human, a female whose name is Marissa. I have a feeling that you know her." I added, looking at her terrorized expression.27
"M-Marissa? What do you want with her?" 28
"So you do know her."29
"Yes, she is one of my good friends."30
"That is good to know, possibly, if you assist me tonight I will not kill you." I smirked, she was proving to be of more help than I expected.31
"What do you want with her?" The brunette asked again, her knees beginning to shake.32
"It is my duty to find her, and return her to her ruler, the...Devil to be exact." It felt awkward to speak the Devil's name, being that it was rarely used in a normal conversation.33
"W-w-w-what?"34
"You heard me. Now take me to her, I need to speak with her."35
I waited for her to stand, but she seemed frozen. I shook my head again, and walked closer. Her eyes nearly bulged out of her head, and she scrambled to her feet. She went to grab her coat, but I stood in front of them. She turned on her heels, and headed for the door.36
Again, I stepped into the brisk spring night, under the light of the full moon. "Excuse my rudeness, but I have forgotten to ask your name."37
"Elizabeth, y-y-yours?" She stammered, looking at my face for the first time. She jumped, startled, as she again saw the fire in my eyes.38
"Lucinda."39
All was silent as we waled westward, deeper into the poverty of England. There was an occasional screech of a cat, or the chirp of a cricket, but nothing more. I had no intentions of talking to this human, and she was far to frightened to say anything. She led me up a small path, to a small house.40
"Thank you, that will be all. You have gained your life human, if I were you, I would leave now. Or you WILL die." I urged, I wasn't in the killing mood tonight.41
"But-"42
"Elizabeth, LEAVE!" I hissed, flicking my whip. It flashed into the sky, cracking loudly. All of the birds that had been lying on the ground scattered into the sky, making the scene that much more frightening. I flicked it once more, and it burst into flames. "Do I need to tell you again?"43
"N-n-n-n-n-n-no!" She screeched, running away from the small brown house.44
I ran up to the door, knocking it down with a single hit. A loud scream sounded from a room not far away. She knew I was here, this was going to be interesting. I stepped into her home, and sighed. It truly was her. A tall, skinny, caucasian girl stepped into what looked like the kitchen. Her black hair flowed around her face in waves, and I knew it was her. Her eyes were as black as pitch, her fists clenched.45
"I have been looking for you for a very long time, Marissa." I said, taking a step toward her. Her eyes narrowed, and I could tell she didn't plan on going down without a fight. This was going to be more amusing than I thought, oh well, more fun for me. I was going to get huge props for this one, I thought, smiling.46
"Get away frome me, Lucinda. I am NOT going down there, not again." Marissa hissed, I was surprised she knew my name. Few people did anymore, since most had died.47
"But he misses you so, and besides, it is my duty. I will NOT disobey my master, and for that I am sorry."48
"You signed something didn't you? Thinking that if you did him a "favor" you could have anything, right?"49
"Yes," I admitted, the worst mistake of my life.50
"Well, isn't that something. No one has ever come this far Lucinda, I'm impressed. But I still am not going down there, not on my life."51
"Well I'm sorry you feel that way, but I will have to take you up on you life. And thank you, I have come the farthest yet in over four thousand years. I am the best he has had yet."52
"Don't you think he should've given up after that long, isn't it silly?"53
"Would you give up something that you wanted more than life itself, Marissa?"54
"The Devil has no life to give up Lucinda, you know that."55
"Your point?" I asked, taking out the blade that was strapped to my thigh. I slid my finger over the silky smoothe steel, examining the markings. The markings were painted onto the blade in a gloddy red paint, I had never used this knife before, it had a special duty that would be fulfilled tonight.56
"You wouldn't dare, would you?" Her eyes grew wider as she looked at the blade in my hands.57
"Try me." I challenged, still looking at the blade. "It's such a shame to waste such a beautiful piece of craftsmentship on such a person as you. It's hardly worth it, still it must be done."58
"Well then, I'll just have to kill you my self." Her voice sounded unsure.59
I laughed, rolling my eyes. I looked up from the blade, focusing my gaze on hers. "And how do you propose to kill me? I have no soul, therefor, I cannot die. By most standards I am already dead, and as far as I'm concerned I cannot die twice. I suppose that leaves you out of options, Marissa."60
"Y-You b-belong to him?"61
"Don't we all? That is, until we die, and then fate out of our hands."62
Her eyes grew wider, she knew I was right. I wished that she would just go without a fight, but I doubted that would happen. All I needed was a little drop of blood...63
"Are you going to make me do this the hard way Marissa? I do prefer the easy way, it is much less painful. Well, I suppose it depends on what you would call pain..." My voice trailed off, losing interest.64
She pulled a gun from behind her back, and aimed it at me. "Bring it, corpse bride."65
The smile fell off of my face, and I raised one eyebrow. "Do you really think your little weapon is going to harm me Marissa?" I flicked the whip into the air, it cracked, sounding like thunder.66
Her finger moved to the trigger, and bullets blasted from the chamber. I stood perfectly still, watching in amusment as the bullets bounced harmlessly off of me. They fell to the ground with a clatter. "Is that all you got?"67
A thunder erupted as more bullets came from the barrel, this time faster. They merely reflected off of my chest, not even scratching my exposed stomach. I stood in a pool of shells, waiting for what ever else she wanted to throw at me. A smirk appeared on my face as hers fell, defeated.68
"You evil monster, may the gods damn you to hell." Marissa hissed through clenched teeth.69
"Too late, been there, done that. Several times, actually. Horrid place, the Devil's kingdom is much better."70
My whip licked at the air, wrapping around Marissa's torso. She screamed, an angry, terrorized scream. The more she thrashed, the more the whip tightened around her. I didn't want to use fire, but I would if she forced me. "Stay still and this will be much less painful."71
"Never, you monster."72
The whip tightened, and she winced.73
I grabbed her left wrist, and twisted it upward. The soft flesh of her arm shone under the moonlight shining in from the skylight. I again slid the blade from my belt, bringing it up to my face. "If you'd like, you could look away now. Some don't like blood." I offered.74
She turned her head, and tightened her fist, I heard the clench as her teeth clamped together. The edge of the blade sliced easily into her flesh, letting the blood spill out. She screamed for a moment, but apparently decided it would do no good.75
My free hand shot down to my belt, grabbing a vile from a pouch located near my left hip. I held up the vile of black liquid, showing it to Marissa. Her eyes widened, she knew what it was.76
"T-The Devil's blood." She whispered.77
"Yes, I am surprised you know." I replied, scooping some of her blood onto the flat of the blade. I popped off the cork on the vile, and let Marissa's blood drip into the vile. It began to smoke, turning an odd gray color.78
"The Devil's blood is reunited with its soul, summon the lord now." I mumbled, surprised at myself that I still remembered the words that I had learned over two centuries ago.79
A dark cloud appeared over Marissa's house, and she dissapeared in an explosion of flames. Her scream pierced through the night air, leaving a haunting silence behind.80
I laughed, pleased with myself. I stepped into the cold night, returning to the Devil's domain for what I hoped was the last time.
In a list
A contest entry
- Anything by Reaver.
370 points, ended June 10, 2008, 17 entries
Honorable mention
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - Evil Options by SignifyingNothing.
1200 points, ended June 28, 2008, 15 entries
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - Something. by HoneyAngel.
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• next story in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 6 of 6
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This was an alright concept. You need to do some editing; it helps sometimes to get someone else to read over it and edit it. It seems flat in some places, making it harder to get into.
Although you seem like a talented writer.
Good job and good luck.
Angel

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I love this!
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Well...
First off, you say that Elizabeth is sitting at a table laughing. Unless she is insane, and was sitting at the table laughing at herself, that means she was with someone. Yet you make no mention of a companion. Where was she? A bar? A restaurant? Where were all the other people? Wouldn't someone call the police? Doesnt' it seem a little odd that a demon could just walk into a building, turn the color of flame, and no one would notice? Maybe Elizabeth was home laughing at a book? If so, you need to say that. You need to consider these things.
And...Marissa has been to hell before, apparently, but she doesn't realise that bullets won't kill a demon? It seemed like she was experiencing all this for the first time, but if she was in hell before I think she would have reacted differently. It just seems like you didn't really think about this while writing it.
I'm sorry to criticize, I know its hard. You made a good effort withthis, and thanks for entering. Obviously, someone liked it, so its not a total loss. Everyone has different opinions on things. -
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thank you for your advice and I will take that into consideration when I am writing in the future.
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Hey..I was a little harsher than I meant to be, but I want you to know, I was only harsh because I think you have a great deal of talent and I want to help. If I thought you were hopeless or untalented, I would just have said "That's nice" and moved on. Keep writing.
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This was brilliantly written. I loved the whole thing! Thanks so much for entering...I enjoyed the read! Durian


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