He was just.... so.... tired. 1
Kaleb... was just so tired.2
Tired of it all... He was going insane. 3
He didn't even bother to struggle this time as his stepfather picked him up, holding him at the ribs, and began carrying him to the big bedroom.... The Playroom, as his stepfather so kindly referred to it as. 4
Once they were inside, his stepfather dropped him on the carpeted floor and began setting up the bed, taking out the candles and matches, the ropes. Seeing that the man's back was turned, Kaleb quietly reached up for the doorknob and turned it. Once the door was open wide enough, he began to slip outside, because even if he was so sick and- 5
(just so numb.)6
-tired of being used like that, even if he was just so used to it by now that he didn't struggle anymore, that didn't mean he liked it. It didn't mean he didn't want to get away. 7
But once he was halfway out the door, those arms were around his ribs again, and he was being pulled inside again, and dropped onto the bed. Maybe he should have gone faster. 8
His stepfather tried to look as apathetic as he could as he took out the ropes, but every single time, Kaleb never failed to see the anticipation lurking in his face. 9
He reached for Kaleb's arms, and Kaleb jerked away, because even when he tried his best to be uncaring, unemotional, the fear still- 10
(tore him apart) 11
-somehow punctured through it all. 12
But, his hands were found, and tied together, and from there; tied to the bedpost... where he- 13
(hung like Christ on Daddy's bed) 14
-just laid there and tried not to scream. Because he was used to it by now- heck, he was going on eleven-! And he was old enough so that he shouldn't scream. And yet, he- 15
(did scream, he SCREAMED BLOODY MURDER, because where was God?) 16
-did scream.17
And then he started crying, because he knew what was going to happen, and he didn't like it. 18
There was a quick sshk sound of Kaleb's pants being tugged off, same with his stepfathers, and Kaleb tried to look away because that man wasn't wearing anything else, he was bare, and then he came over to him and crawled over him, leaned over him, and-19
(where was God?)20
-then Kaleb's underwear was gone too, and the ropes hurt his wrists, and he was crying, because- 21
(he was just so tired.) 22
-he was just so tired of it all. 23
(where is God?)24
God is supposed to have control. Well, the only person who seemed to have control over Kaleb at the moment was leaning over him, gripping his small thighs and lifting his hips up off the mattress. 25
There was a pause, a grunt from his stepfather, and- 26
(He was going insane)27
and, oh.... how terrifyingly loud he screamed.28
And he was moving, being pushed forward, pulled back, pushed forward, pulled back, and his head was hitting the headboard with dull thuds and he was getting a headache- 29
(in and out, in and out) 30
-he tried to find a place to settle his eyes, they were looking everywhere but nowhere, until they settled on the crack in the ceiling shaped like a cross- 31
(hanging like Christ on Daddy's bed) 32
-and he screamed, because the pain, it hurt so badly, like a hurricane ripping through his spine, and he wondered if he would bleed as much this time as he did last time.33
(the water was red.) 34
He felt dizzy. Maybe if he was lucky, he'd pass out. Maybe he wouldn't be awake through the whole thing, like last time.35
(where was God?)
Author notes
Don't like it. In fact, I'm thinking of deleting it... It was kind of hard to write. The title really roughly translates into "[God Willing] - Never Forget".
The ending seems... not like an ending.
Hmmff.
Here's the link to chapter two, there are seven chapters in all.
http://storywrite.com/story/169198
A contest entry
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Comments are like food for the starving author *nom nom nom*
Comments
1 - 19 of 19
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Really good!!
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Quite a disturbing piece you have here. I have recently found solace in God's presence, so it doubly disturbed me. Of course, for being so disturbing, you should be very proud. I'm not saying this like it's a bad thing. I'm saying it's a good thing. Well done! Very graphic. I felt with the MC.
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O.O So sad. O.O So, so sad.
I love it, though. The emotion is soooooooo real. I could feel the pain, the exhaustion, the numbness. This was most certainly twisted, and adults like that stepfather sicken me.
One thing I really adored about the way you wrote this were the parts in the parentheses. Not only was it creative, but it gave the reader a larger look into Kaleb's pain. Great job on that.
Overall, I enjoyed reading this (NOT because of the subject material), but because stuff like this needs to be written and needs to be read. People need to know about sick, twisted, horrible things like this. Thank you for writing it.
=D
Good luck!
-jj
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It might have been hard to write, but i think you did very well with pulling this off-really well written and horribly realistic. It's a painful story and you managed to that across right away, Kaleb's weariness and pain and how much of a bastard his step-father is too.
. Rewarded 6
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nice
Wow lovie it -
o.o
|Tears up| I'm okay, I promise. There's just...something in my eye is all. God, this was so sad it made me want to cry. I'm serious, my eyes are still stinging! I know I got to this really late. And then I saw it on the thingy on teh side. What's that called again? |scrolls up| Ah yes, the featured stories box. It's so powerful and sad...but I NEED to read more. |Scurries off to the next story.|
. Rewarded 8
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FIRSTLY I WOULD LIKE TO APOLOGISE: MY CURRENT KEYBOARD DOES NOT LIKE THE LETTER 'E' AND I HAVE 15 STORIS TO COMMENT ON SINCE I'VE BEEN DOING EXAMS FOR THE PAST WEEK SO I'M RUSHING TO COMMENTS. NOT THE READING, I'M DOING THAT THOROUGHLY I ASSURE YOU.
"as his stepfather so kindly referred to it as." get rid of one of the '"as's", doesn't really matter which one. Looks juvenile with both.
"stepfathers," - you need an apostrophe "stepfather's".
Only minor things, but you should sort them, because otherwise this is a thoroughly rotten story. I am so sorry about this damn keyboard but I'm too impatient to keep going back and changing it bcause this key is so bloody stubborn.
Anyway, rant over.
Back to you. I do like your idea of using the (bracketed) thoughts to give it a sort of poetic format and also manages to create a sort of subliminal field - does Kaleb know he's thinking those brackted thoughts? Or is it a higher consciousness?
True, true rot - not your writing, but Kaleb's stepfather. It's actually painful to read bcause you feel for the boy.
However, neds serious checking and re-editing and ven expansion - as a chapter this is fucking short (mind my French).
Ugh, this was nasty in all the most rotten ways: exactly what I was looking for.
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How sad =(
I don't see how his step dad could go through with that. Guilt should be stinging him everwhere. Even though this is sad, it's a good start. Don't delete it.
I feel so bad for Kaleb.
Good chapter. -
*pulls out a pistol and holds it to a jar of glitter*
DON'T YOU DELETE THIS! OR...OR...OR THE GLITTER GETS IT!!!
Haha, no seriously...I liked this (not neccessarily the topic, but because it was so well-written). It was amazingly dark and tragic it just wow...it was super sad. No, sad doesn't describe this...it was beyond sad. Maybe it's because I KNOW things like this happen all the time to the innocence and it's just so...vile.
Again, well written.. Rewarded 8
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0.0 I think you managed to really traumatise me 0.0 This was so overwhelming and the way in which it was written was very powerful. The style was interesting, and everything about it was just WOW. I really like the way you write- you have a really defined style and it really stands out. Don't delete this, it was a very well written piece, and there was nothing wrong with it. The ending wasn't too bad, it could've ended with more impact, but it wasn't poorly written or anything. Horribly disturbing, but amazingly written this was- keep penning.
. Rewarded 8
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I felt like I was going to vomit. Nausia counts as an emotion right? I'm not exactly a fan to child molestation stories because it makes me so damn depressed. This epidemic is still going on out there and there isn't a damn thing we can do about it. I mean where is the justice in it, I'll tell you where. It's wrapped in all the political red tape. The justice systems a joke; like anything in life if you want something done right do it yourself. Vigilantism isn't a crime, it's the citizens not being able to stand the injustice around them and the lack of conviction on the part of the authorities. Anywho I went off on a tangent there and kind of forgot about the other thing. I'll give you a smiley face because it made me sick, but I propably won't read any stories like this anymore. It just makes me mad at the assholes who do it.
-Raven
. Rewarded 8
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powerful, sad, and completely touching
Please don't delete this. It was exceptionally well written. Things like this happen all the time, and you said it was true...Kaleb isn't you, is he??? That's extremely sad, and it's times like that where we wonder where God is, and why he isn't saving us like he should be...This story was really really really well done, and very heart-wrenching. It was powerful, and sends a message, and you should keep it up. The ending was absolutely perfect. I really liked this. It reaches out to the reader's heart...bravissima!
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I love the title, it was powerful as others have suggested. It is certainly one of the better stories on here. Emotionally on a high level, which is a difficult skill to master. I did like the ending, it was a great rounding off of the story, making it feel more complete than it could have done.
. Rewarded 6
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Really powerful.. It was so well written, and, I agree with previous comments, his asking for God repeatedly really made you feel what he was feeling. Or..well..Not feel it per se, but understand what he was feeling. I wouldn't take this down. It's deep, and definitely powerful.
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I have to say I quiet enjoyed it
I loved the way it was set our and the repetion of him asking for God... were is he..
He was tired....oh so Tired
and I can relate to that
Provoking....powerfull.... I would keep it up
<3 Blair
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That.. is powerful.
Keep it.
I like it.
It's... deep. Really.
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O.O This is really sad. OMG. I wonder why bad stuff happens to good people, though. I mean, why do they have to suffer so much? They say the good die young. Where does that leave us? Those of us who know what wrongs we've done in the past? Not saying goodbye to a loved one because of a fight, a murderer, a thief, anyone... where are we in this world? What is becoming of the human race? Are we all just becoming... some evil being? Why can't we learn things the way nature does? Humans are the true evil of the world. Sad fact, but true. This was well-written in many ways. Keep penning. It may have frightened me as I read it, but it was still well written Lawliet.
Ruth
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1 - 19 of 19
sport-gurl-101 right now