There's that one bathroom, the small one, boxy. You can go in and close the door, it's like a cell. But you know there's a way out, the door doesn't lock correctly. The walls are white except for one, which is covered in a faded peeling wallpaper, with a yellow-orange design of a basket of flowers. You can trace the pattern with your eyes, figure out which flowers are falling from the basket where, count how many unique images they show before it repeats.1
The toilet faces the papered wall. It's a white porcelain toilet, the usual style, works well although old. It's clean enough to be sanitary but no ones washed it in a long, long time. The cover is a strong plastic, a striking black, even with it's scratches. It stands out in the room as the only bold thing, black among shades of yellow and white.2
In this bathroom, by this toilet, you find semen dripping down your thighs even when you haven't had sex in a month.3
Above the toilet is a hanging wall basket, in it is extra toilet paper and dried flowers. It's dusty.4
A small factory-woven wastebasket sits in the corner of the papered wall and the one onto which the toilet paper dispenser is screwed. The wastebasket is never really full, and hardly ever has a bag in it. This is the bathroom in which spiders corner you in the night.5
In the other corner of the papered wall is the sink. It's old-style and has a cupboard underneath that shows off all the pipes and plumbing. Fascinating, thick black pipes, heavy plastic, a loop-de-loop. You can turn on the water and hear it run through.6
The sink is white, cracked in some parts, functional.7
Above the sink hangs a mirror. The lights in the bathroom are very bright, and have a yellow tint to them. All pictures taken in here are yellow tinted. In the mirror, your flaws are more visible than usual under the harsh light. You can come in here to check your makeup, because this mirror doesn't lie.8
Or you can just come in here to think. One has to wonder about how much ones surroundings affect their ability to clearly think.9
Harsh lighting helps, I think.10
Author notes
ride the waves and don't ask where they go
What did you think? Please comment!
Comments
1 - 6 of 6
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lovely...such vivid imagery--you have a unique eye for description...I really liked this!! nice write
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Very cool and you are able to see what is really there. A good descriptive feast. Nice, symbolic or real.
B -
You have an awesome talent for description! I would have liked to see a bigger story-line intertwined within these magnificent descriptions. 'in a fadey peeling wallpaper,' I don't really like the word 'fadey'. It seemed, indirect and unsure.. though you really meant for it to be unsure, as if it's only slightly faded. But slightly faded or just plain faded would have worked there, seeing a faded means worn, but not completely worn off. This is obviously unfinished though, as I can plainly see. This seems to be in a prison, but too free for a prison cell. I would only suggest a second look at your word choice. Anyway, well done and keep it up. Good luck with finishing it!
-Kayla- -
You have a great talent for discription. This room could be almost anywhere.I was able to see every aspect of this room. It's a bit scarry if you think on it too much!
Sound like the perfect hidey hole as long as it smells pleasent! -
This was very enjoyable. You describe things with such detail, that I could clearly see this room in my mind.
My favorite part of this was:
"In the mirror, your flaws are more visible than usual under the harsh light. You can come in here to check your makeup, because this mirror doesn't lie."
I am in awe from this, you did a wonderful job, keep it up
-Ashley,
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This is just... thick with description. It's beautiful, in that weird realistic way. lol. I don't know. You make your reader feel as though they are really walking through this bathroom themself.
My one critique would be to revise 'The lights in the bathroom are very bright, and have a yellow tint to them. All pictures taken in here are yellow tinted. '
The use of yellow tint twice in a row... it seems below the rest of the piece. I'd try working with some other ways to say that?
I love this Absolutely gorgeous.
~Christy
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