Entwined

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Dark all around me, forever a dying dusk. Nothing to be surprised over; it was always gloomy around me. 4

The piercing beams of strobe lights around the room ironically did not cut through the shadowy shield. But only because it really wasn’t dark here. Millions of lights: lit-up floor-tiles, gleaming jewels, brilliant strobe-lights up above, luminescent teeth . . .  5

I pushed my way through a throng of underage girls who’d apparently assumed that overdosing on L’Oriel face-batter would make them appear twice their age. It must have worked, because the bouncer had let them in after all. Not that he was aiming for the next Nobel Prize For Physics. 6

I shook my head, rusty curls bouncing in harmony with the background beats the heavy-set DJ was spinning, threw an “excuse me” in the general direction of the kids, and finally gained the bar. 7

“Mangina."  The barman knew me, I’d come here to lose myself enough times, after all. I tapped my fingernails on the long wooden counter, one black stiletto tapping the leg of my barstool in time to the music. I glanced around, examining the crowd. 8

The place was usually packed, this late on a Saturday night. Bodies swayed in the oppressive heat; the oxygen levels dropped as still more people hit the dance floor, arms moving like drunken spell-weavers. Libido was at its maximum. It was easy to spot the underage newbie. They were the jittery ones, the ones who got high after just a couple of shots. Amateurs. 9

It was amazing. The place was more crowded than Noah’s Ark, and yet . . . I felt so alone, by myself, possibly because that was the truth. Even in this packed room, I was still alone. No one for me, everyone focused on their own petty wants. That was, then again, the definition of this world. 10

Over on the other side, a slew of college guys, some I knew from my classes, sat getting high, chugging back shot after shot. I spent time waiting for my beverage estimating how many shots it would take the next bright contender before he slipped out of his seat too. 11

Almost as if he were reading my mind, the dark-haired guy glanced up. Grey-green eyes landed on mine, staying there as he tilted back his head, and downed the tiny shot. I watched as, holding my gaze, he reached back across the table behind him, picked up another, cherry-flavored from its color, and drained it. 12

And I still couldn’t tear my eyes away, curiosity holding me. Not that cute guys were anything new around here. The boys at Tinsmith University spent more time grooming than a girl on prom night. I honestly wasn’t sure how many hadn’t gone for desperate plastic surgery. 13

So I watched as this fine raven-haired specimen of the Y-chromosome threw back shot after shot after shot. His mates were getting excited and awed, possibly by the strong-walled gut of their comrade. They pushed drink after drink his way, with increasing alacrity and soon, several more people stopped dancing to watch. It seemed to have turned into some sort of event: the How Many before Your Brain Turns to Pudding exhibit. 14

I found myself barely noticing as the bartender placed my Mangina in front of me. For some incredibly odd reason, the whole race going on across the room had hypnotized me. I watched, kept watching, as he chugged back glass after glass, then suddenly, he put it down, and rested his forearms back along the table. 15

Brilliant grey-green eyes rose to meet mine again . . . oddly clear. 16

A smirk formed at the corners of his lips, raising his high cheekbones. It took me a few seconds before I realized . . . he was smirking in victory at me. 17

Obviously, someone wasn’t as stoned as I’d guessed. He seemed to have figured out the thoughts racing in my mind; green eyes twinkled in amusement, shining across the room directly at me. 18

For some reason, I felt compelled to look away, and I did, peeling my eyes off hof im and back to my drink. A couple of peaceful minutes later,19

“One ice tea, please.” A deep male voice spoke just behind me, its warm tones sending shivers down my cold spine. Glancing casually over my shoulder, I was met by a pair of laughing grey-green eyes. 20

“You!” The word slipped out before I realized it. Clamping my mouth shut, I sank back lower in my seat, cringing at the small chuckle he gave. 21

“Yes, me.” He moved forwards, sliding into a seat beside mine. Automatically, I shifted ever-so-slightly away. 22

Yes, time does lighten wounds, but never erases them. Even now, I was paranoid.23

He didn’t seem to mind. Resting his arms along the wood counter, he regarded me with an amused grin. 24

“So . . . how many did you think it’d take me to pass out? Just out of curiosity,” he added, as I shifted uncomfortably under his piercing gaze. Feeling an odd burning in my chest, I lowered my head slightly, letting a tangle of bronze locks tumble in front of my face. I hadn’t come here to actually talk to someone; it was always fight-crowd-to-get-drink, drink-said-beverage, and fight-crowd-to-get-out. The End. Now, all of a sudden, I was being confronted. 25

“Five” I replied, wondering how soon I could escape. I didn’t want to talk to anyone. I just wanted to get home. Home alone. 26

He cracked up, throwing his head back. I stared at him, wondering exactly what was so hilarious. 27

“That was actually pretty good, coming from a girl who obviously just wants to flee.” 28

I glared at him. Flee? I wasn’t fleeing; I was just . . . not having fun talking to him.  Or any other human on the face of this damned planet for that matter. 29

I told him as much, and watched his laugh shift into amused scrutiny. He gave me the fish-eye. 30

“Uh huh.” 31

“What do you know?” Suddenly I was furious. Who was he to judge me? He, who probably had a perfect life, a loyal girlfriend, great family, pockets of money, fancy cars . . .  32

My breathing caught in my chest, eyes stinging. What would he know about the life of a wretched soul like me? Me, who’d lost everything she’d once taken for granted. Me, who now lingered alone, every cold winter night, every stifling summer day, alone in this world, alone in love, alone in friendship . . . just alone. 33

His smile faded, eyes dimming. For a moment, there was an awkward silence. 34

“I know more than you could ever guess,” he replied softly, eyes boring into mine with fierce somberness. He gestured down at the glass of ice tea. 35

“How do you think I got all that practice? Crap like that dissolves pain for only so long.” 36

I stared at him, wordless.”P-pain?” 37

He sighed, shifted in his seat so he was facing me.”Yes, pain. I’m guessing you’re familiar with that?” 38

I snorted.”Your girlfriend dumping you is sad, I admit, but not really all that painful, you know?” I knew I was being rude, but he was making me extremely uncomfortable now. I hadn’t come here to discuss dictionary definitions of pain with anyone. I’d come to dissolve my pain. His being here was not helping. 39

To my annoyed dismay, he cracked that devilish grin again, enticing another burning emotion inside of me, but I ignored it this time. He was not going to get to me that easy. 40

“Who said my GF dumped me? I don’t even have one,” he replied, obviously struggling to keep a straight face. I scowled. I hate being put down. I’ve had enough of it to last a lifetime. 41

“Fine, then, your fancy car got stolen.” Vaguely, I recalled seeing him around campus in a red sports car. Not very sure what type it was, maybe a Ferrari, but I couldn’t care less if he drove Queen Elizabeth’s Rolls Royce. 42

He raised his eyebrows.”Car’s fine, thank you. I wasn’t talking about materialistic stuff, alright?” 43

Meaning that his future GF would be classed under inanimate property? 44

I shrugged, turning away from him. A slight pause, then: 45

“So . . . not going to ask?” 46

I shook my head, slurping some more, listening to the pounding beats in the background. Oddly enough, they seemed to be fading . . .  47

“Well, I’m shocked. No fake empathy for me? And I actually thought you had a chance at actually getting through.”  His voice teased my mind, snapping me out of my gloom-induced stupor. I turned my head to look him in the eye. 48

“It’s your business. Why would I want to know?” Translation: “You’re cute and all, but I don’t really want more depressing thoughts in my head.” 49

He seemed genuinely surprised.”Wow . . . there’s a first. Someone trying to not pry into my life.” 50

I drained my drink, and stood up, feeling a small buzzing in my head. Just what I needed. 51

A hand touched my arm, the contact spreading needles like wildfire through me. I started and pulled back. 52

“What?” 53

The guy looked up at me, frowning.”You should sit down. You look like you’re gonna pass out.” 54

I scowled, but the idea didn’t seem so bad to my heavy head. Glancing at my watch, I decided I had enough time to stay awhile. 55

“So . . . I’m guessing we’re both here for similar reasons,” he mused, watching as I sank limply into my seat. I shrugged noncommittally. 56

“Might.” 57

He grinned wider at my indifference.”Not very talkative, are you?” 58

I shrugged. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw him shift to face me. 59

“Hiding it won’t help, you know?” he murmured. 60

“That’s what the shrinks all say,” I muttered under my breath irritably. His grey-green eyes widened. I cursed mentally. What did I go and say that for? 61

A hand gently touched my arm. Seemed he was attempting to not startle me again. I glanced up, catching my breath at the intensity in his eyes. He frowned slightly. 62

“That’s just what I used to say . . .” He glanced away, breaking the trance, staring instead at the crowded dance-floor.”But then I realized that keeping it all in was the reason behind my exploding randomly. I just . . . blew up, lost it, even . . .” he hesitated, and I found my ears prick up, “break down, sometimes . . .” 63

“What happened?” It was only human nature to ask that. He smiled slightly.”My sister, she was seven. She died . . . my dad, he . . .” He broke off, pausing to sip his now lukewarm ice tea. He glanced up at me again, and the dancing fire in his grey-green eyes had been completely extinguished. 64

“He beat her to death.” 65

I choked, hastily thumping my chest, as he handed me a napkin.  I dabbed my mouth with it, then looked up to find his intense gaze on me, watching in puzzlement. 66

“Strong reaction there . . .” He trailed off, questioning. 67

“Uh, yeah, er . . .” My face was burning, I could tell. Apparently, my still-unnamed companion thought so too. 68

“Similar instance, perhaps?” When I shook my head, he tried again.”Not family, maybe, but . . .” 69

I stared at him, willing him to understand without my saying it out loud. Speaking of it would bring it back out again, fresh in my mind. 70

“Abuse . . .” he whispered. I said nothing.”Not family . . . boyfriend,” he breathed, looking up at me again for confirmation. 71

“I have to go now.” I leapt to my feet, feeling the familiar edge of panic in my chest. Ignoring his “Hey!” I shoved my way to the front entrance, nodding at the bouncer’s request to call me a cab. Flattening the fiery urge to scream my pain to the world, I decided that a walk would be a better way home. 72

I’d just taken a few steps out the door when a firm hand clamped onto my shoulder. 73

“You forgot to pay, by the way.” It was him again, in all his dark-haired, grey-green-eyed glory. He was, I noted with a stab of annoyance, grinning again. 74

“I paid, forget it.” His hand landed on my arm as I made to walk back past him. Flinching, I pulled away. He swiftly dropped his hand, staring at me. 75

“Sorry, I . . . instinct. Didn’t want you wasting time . . .” 76

I eyed him, trying to figure out what exactly it was he wanted.”Can I go now?” 77

He hesitated, then said, “Mind if I accompany you partway?” 78

I shrugged, feeling oddly listless; I suddenly couldn’t care less. People had stopped affecting me after all. I’d be alone really, whatever happened. One guy would not make a difference. 79

We walked in silence down the shadowy, lonely street for a while, and then he spoke. 80

“I repeat what I said before: you hurt only yourself if you hold it all in . . . It’s true.” He glanced over at me, the streetlamps’ lights dancing across his face, outlining his sharp features. I stayed silent. 81

I heard a sigh, and then he said, “Well, since you’re not planning on talking, then maybe you’ll listen instead? Not that there is anything else for you to hear.” 82

He paused, glancing down at me again, then went on when I returned the glance.”My dad, he was a drunk . . . and he happened to have a naturally unpleasant temper. Not a very winning combination, huh?” 83

I could relate to that, although not by relationship. My father had been the sweetest man alive. 84

“Kinda like your boyfriend, I presume?” 85

I stopped dead in my tracks, glaring at him. To my surprise, he stared right back. 86

“It’s true, I guess, then?” He swore softly under his breath then reached out, patting me on the shoulder. I didn’t bother to move, suddenly feeling hollow inside. 87

“My mom, she . . . she OD’d. I blame him for it, he drove her to it, she was always saying . . . saying she couldn’t take it anymore. Guess she figured I could survive with him on my own . . .” His voice was distinctly bitter now, pained. I found myself listening despite my initial unease. 88

“He soon chose me as his new . . . punching bag, I suppose you could say. Only, it was literal . . . I must’ve set some kind of world record in weekly nurse visits, and this was only junior high.” He gave me a wry grin. 89

I studied him, transfixed. My previous illusions crumbled around me; if he wasn’t lying, then he did not, as I’d assumed, have a perfect life after all . . . at all. 90

I don’t know what happened just then but for some reason, maybe because some random stranger was standing there, spilling out his guts to me about how his little sister died, I suddenly had the overwhelming urge to talk. Talk about it, about everything that had happened, that had reduced me to the miserable wretch I was now. 91

He listened to me, really listened when I began to whisper, barely audibly at first, then gradually stronger. In a monotonous tone, I intoned all that had befallen me, ever since my eighteenth birthday. 92

Careless incident. I’d been sick, stayed home the day of the camping trip. Everyone, my parents, my little brother, my twin sister, all had regretfully left me at home, promising to return shortly. 93

They never did. Reports of an unexpected thunderstorm near the camp site told me why. Later on, I learnt that the car had spun off the road, crashing into the trees in the surrounding valleys. 94

They’d all died instantly. 95

I remembered passing out. Remembered waking up in the hospital. Nurses all around. Then came the shrinks in all their ignorant glory. Asked me pointless questions, judged me depressed. Stuck me in an appropriate “institution”. 96

Daniel had rescued me from there. Or so I thought, until he figured it was time to take the sympathy guise off.97

He’d make the Craken look tame. 98

And still, like a fool, I’d clung to him, clung on because I didn’t want to be left alone, lonely and loveless, although in a way with Danny, I was, ironically, both of those. 99

It felt amazing to get it out. Perhaps there is some truth in the saying “I have always depended on the kindness of strangers.” Williams knew what he was talking about. 100

The boy with grey-green eyes had sat me down on the sidewalk, placing a gentle arm around my shoulders when I struggled a bit during the retelling of the latter years of my life. To my horror, I broke down when I’d finished. 101

“Hey, it’s alright, calm down, it’s alright.” His voice reverberated through his arms, now holding me upright, and into me. He gave me a light squeeze, running his fingers through my long curly hair. For a moment, we just sat there, my eyes closed, leaning against him, listening to our heartbeats, almost thudding in harmony. 102

At length, it grew late, and I eventually sat up, realizing that the sky was lightening faintly. He smiled down at me, letting me sit up on my own. 103

“Feel better?” 104

I grinned back, feeling lighter than I had in days.”Yes.” I paused.”Thank you.” 105

He grinned, getting to his feet and stretching.”Thank you too. I’ve been looking for someone to spill it out to. The guys at the fraternity . . . not the best listeners.” He gave a light chuckle, then bent down, pulling me to my feet. 106

“I’ve gotta get you home now, I think, it’s getting a bit, er, not late anymore, more like early.” He nodded at the peeking sunlight in the horizon. 107

When we reached my apartment building, he stopped just outside the main entrance. 108

I’d just turned around to thank him again when all of a sudden, he leaned forwards, enveloping me in a warm hug that Daniel’s had never felt like. Just as quickly, he released me, backing away into the street, grinning that same devilish grin, until he turned away. 109

Had I not been watching, I’d never have seen the school bus sweep around the corner and nail him in the back as he crossed the street.110

*** 111

Dear Diary, 112

I’m not sure what to put down for this day. It’s been a year already, and I still don’t know what to call it.  113

I found out his name.  114

A lot of people turned up at hiss funeral. None of them were family. 115

I didn't cry. 116

I think I froze. Why does that happeen. I bet everyone thought I was heartless, because the rest of the girls were sobbing their mascara out. 117

He changed me, I feel it every day. I don’t know what he did, but it worked. I’m no longer a zombie., even though I didn't shed a single tear over his ccoffin. Now, I can feel again. Now, I can love again. 118

But I don't know if I want to. I feel . . . fulfilled, somehow.
119

They say that you should never love a stranger, and that soul-mates don’t exist. They’re wrong. I know that now. My soul-mate’s already gone on, Diary. 120

I normally don’t go for this stuff but . . . he was my guardian angel, my saviour. He made me see that there’s something other than despair in this world, and that there is always someone out there for you. His last words to me were, “Follow the light, it’s not evil after all” They'll stay with me forever. He chose to move on. It was better for him, than living an endless life of pain. He moved toward the light. And I do too; ironically, the light that is life. 121

Do you think names mean anything, Diary? They say someone without a name is nobody. I don’t think so . . . I used to. Before him. 122

I still do wish . . . my angel had told me his name  before he left . . .  123

 ***124

Someone is no one,
Without a name.
But two hearts adjoined,
Are one in the same.
Everyone needs someone,
To have and to hold.
Someone that's right,
To fulfill the soul.125

Someone to share with,
Each and every tear.
Someone to confide in,
That's so very dear.
Someone who'll help you,
When times are severe.
Someone who offers abundant love,
That casts away all fears.126

Someone to spend eternity with,
Yes . . . forever and always.
So dispell your myths,
And search for that someone,
To live for and love.
That your someone,
Shall always be there,
Both here on Earth,
And in Heaven above . . .  127

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