When Lorelei was born she was an ill-tempered baby. At all hours she would wail and scream like the devil for attention and to work the nerves of her poor restless parents. By age two to their horror she learned how to walk and scream at the same time. Using what little vocabulary she knew, which consisted of “Moms.” “Dads,” and the infamous “Wants!” Ground rules needed to be set and Mr. and Mrs. Amery were no pushovers. If Lorelei fussed and fumed when Mr. Amery served his famous cooked chicken with asparagus, her plate would be taken away. With no dessert or any other nightly snack. When Mrs. Amery would take Lorelei along shopping there was a strict “Look, don’t touch,” rule that resulted in a quick smack on the hand if disobeyed. 1
But the most enforced rule was “Shush shush, Lorelei!”2
If her mother were on the phone and Lorelei wanted to play, all she would get was a stern “Shush shush.” If she wanted to tell Daddy about the strange colored bug she found in the backyard she would receive a “Shush shush,” as he worked on a crossword. By the time she was four her parents had been replaced by older girls with ponytails and bubblegum mouths. They would sit little Lorelei down in front of the TV as they chatted and gossiped with friends on the phone. If Lorelei objected at all she would get a “Shush.”3
It soon came to her that no one wanted her to speak at all. She tested this theory one night when her parents were both home. When they settled down to dinner Lorelei didn’t make a sound. Mr. and Mrs. Amery prattled on about their business trips and how bad the hotel food was. Neither paid any attention to their quiet daughter. It was enough to convince Lorelei that her voice wasn’t necessary. And unwanted. From that day forward she swore a vow of silence. 4
When she was sent off to elementary school, the children excluded her. “That girl’s so boring. She doesn’t ever say anything,” they said, though it never reached Lorelei’s ears. She believed she was doing the right thing. No one ever approached her to complain or scold. Even her Mommy and Daddy, whenever she saw them, seemed to be happier. 5
The seasons passed and the trips became less and less. Mr. and Mrs. Amery were home almost every night. Pretty soon they began to notice something was wrong. Whenever they tried to approach their daughter she would only say a polite greeting then scuttle away to her room. At the dinner table when they asked her about her day, she would only give simple one-word answers. They asked her if anything was wrong and she would say, “Nothing at all.” And nothing was wrong. Little Lorelei had finally learned to shush.
Author notes
A very very rough draft of another short collection piece.
It's meant to be a bit choppy. The ending is what I worry most about. Thoughtful critism please.
Comments
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Yea, i liked the choppyness, it added to the atmosphere of the story =]
And again, I would say that the ending was, although good, a bit breif.
Over all though, I liked this peice immensly ^-^
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I wasn't very satisfied with the ending. It was a unique and very interesting piece, which I enjoyed quite a lot. I wish you would extend it a bit though, and it would be really good. That is all the criticism I have for you, as this story is well written and engaging. Well done.
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Aww, I'm surprised this hasn't been commented on yet. It's a unique and sad story. I like the ending, at first I was unsure of how this was going to end, because it was so short and the story had a lot within it, but it was all wrapped up very nicely.
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Thanks very much. :]
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