A Prayer Concerning Hot Asian Christian Men

God,1

If I had any say in the perfect man, I’d ask that you give me a Hot Asian Christian Man. Preferably Japanese. But Chinese, Korean, Thai or Vietnamese is cool too. 2

I want him to be a really strong Christian. Church planter youthful pastor guy. And if he’s hot, that would be even better. 3

If he is Japanese God, I’d like his name to be Haruto. Haruto’s a hot name. It means flying sun. I mean, that’s pretty hardcore. It would be ideal if he were Okinawan. I don’t want him to like anime that much though. Anime men are kinda cray cray if you know what I mean. 4

And I want him to be balanced: none of this OCD “family honor”-harakiri-no life stuff. You are first in his life. …then me. Yah, he’s gotta love me a lot too. Friends should say he’s crazy about me. That would be nice, because I’d be crazy about him as well. 5

He can’t be lazy either. He’s gotta be able to motivate me to do stuff, like hike and goodness knows what. I can’t get fat, now can I? 6

He’s gotta be faithful, and not too heavy on the Sake. 7

He’s gotta have a good sense of humor, but know when to stop laughing (like when people die. Even if it was by an M16). 8

It is a must that he can tolerate my cooking, and that he is addicted to the secret family cookies (the only thing we white people got right XD JKJKJKJJK). But if I do a real bad job with food, then he has to have the boldness to say, “Megu-hime, this is awful.”9

Oh, and yes. If he’s Japanese, he shall call me Megu-hime (princess ^.^). If he’s Thai, Vietnamese, or Korean, he shall have to call me something adorable in said language. And if he’s Chinese, I think I’d want him to call me Mei Mei, after the adorable singer Guo Mei Mei. 10

There’s gotta be a smile in his eyes. Hope. They have to be beautiful, deep umber eyes that I can stare into for hours. Really silky hair that’s pretty and soft yet totally masculine would be nice. His smile should be infectious, and his lips…11

Anyways, we were talking of tacos, were we not?12

He should be able to sing. We could sing together, and it would be very romantic and magical. Just like Bollywood films. Just like Bollywood films…in the Orient. Yes. 13

I would hope that he would detest excessive things, and would have the passion to travel as poor missionaries, with sacrifice…and pain…yet no affliction to his gorgeous handsomeness. 14

He would not detest hugs however, yet not cling like a creeper. Because that’s the girl’s job: to cling. And cling I would. And if it got to be too much, he would have the guts to say “Megu hime, get off.” And I would comply.15

Oh yah! And when he gets old God, if he’s Indian/Middle Eastern, he shall have to have an awesome beard and turban. Because it looks amazing. But that’s only if he’s Indian/Middle Eastern. But preferably, he’d be Japanese. 16

He could withstand my stories, my singing in various languages, and my art, and hopefully give useful feedback on said interests. Of course, I would be dedicated to his passions (whatever those may be), and be an encouragement and a (more or less) useful helper. Indeed. 17

He must have a brain, think before he speaks, not be chavenous pig/sexist, remember/notice the important things (like if I died), and be considerate (to a certain extent). I pray that he is not totally self centered/narcissistic. 18

But God, that’s just what I want. You know what’s best when it comes to men…and marriage…and life. So, I mean, if he’s not Japanese, that’s cool. If he’s Romanian, that’s pretty cool too (especially if he can sing). If he’s American….(clenches teeth), I suppose that’s pretty cool too. If he is nonexistent (single power?), then still I shall bless your name (even in tears?). You are cool God, and you know what’s supposed to happen. I shall have to trust you, even if I still dream of a hot asian man named Haruto. 19

-artemis gem