It's January 11, two-thousand-whenever. I'm huddled on the floor of a church with my knees in my chest staring at the ground, facing my own mortality. The cold tile comforts me, feeling warm to my skin, making the transition to shock seamless as I bleed out. I'm not sure where it's all coming from or even how I got here, but now I suddenly have time to look over this life and see if everything, the anger and pain I've felt and the fear I've caused, was worth it. I have to go back so the memories, good and bad, fill my eyes instead of the growing pool of you-know-what creeping by.1
Now, under this polished pew, I have nothing left to lose. Not anymore. I can already feel my breathing growing shallower with each passing second, reminding me that time is short to spill my soul and rid myself of my sins, my burdens, my life...2
...but is it already too late to save me?
Author notes
This is the introduction to what I describe as a concept album without music. I will post bits on here and allpoetry, as some bits are better for narrative, and other for lyric form. I'm sorry it is so short, and I may lengthen it later. I hope any readers can get into the idea and follow it. I will also consider changing the title by the end of it all.
Comments
1 - 12 of 12
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This is so fascinating. I can't wait to read more. I think it's intruiging that you think on death now, during life. I think too many people think only on death when the Reaper is staring them in the face, and by then it's too late. Excellent start, I'll be interested to read more.
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I really liked this.. it was very possesive..if you get what i mean...
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I get it all too well. and i want more. what is her story? what led her to this point?
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oooh
I like
I like this very muchly...
Very intriguing. Very very interesting indeed. I really like the idea of this. Id like to see more.
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this is so amazing its totally cool and i liove it big time
kira
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Don't change anything. I love this! Such strong and vivid images! Concrete words. I LOVED IT!!!!
Warmest,
Mylee -
No need to change the title, I love it the way it is. This intro. is the most beatuiful thing I've ever read, exclued to some on how it may apear dark.
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I like it. And yeah, maybe you could lengthen it a little. But, it's an intro, so it doesn't need to be really long.
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I like it
I like how the intro was short, but still got me interested. Can't wait for more! you, my friend, are the best person I have known to hold a pen (erm... keyboard?) Anyway... Keep writing!
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Thank you very much, but I think it's still a little early for that nomination.
Let's wait until I have a bit more of this tale up.
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You mentioned
This intro was quick and to the point, I'm glad you posted something on your A.N. because allot of writers forget to do these simple things, and leave the reader clueless on someones writing.
I would have to agree with changing the title, allot of people get offended for something so dorky...and actually skip the whole story itself without reading and whats left with no comments...as advice, think deeper of your story and change your title while its still early on its posting.
Overall, this was a great intro, it got me interested to see what you make next of this !
-Hismercy
beginning: 5, language: 5, plot: 5, ending: 5, dialog: 5, characters: 5.
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Thank you for commenting. Yeah, I really want to change it. IT's only a working title, but I dont want to turn people off either. But thank you for being interested.
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