He always knew he loved her,1
It was written on his heart, 2
So when she threw his love away,3
His soul was ripped apart.4
The love that enveloped him,5
Fragments that once were whole,6
Were broken, scattered and lost,7
Piercing inside his soul.8
He couldn't take the pain,9
he couldn't stand the tears,10
He couldn't leave the girl he loved,11
For three and a half long years.12
He started waiting outside her house,13
Watching her every day,14
Living for the brief sights of her,15
For hours there he'd stay.16
One day it just got too hard,17
He knew she would be alone,18
He pushed his way into her house,19
His love, you see, had grown.20
It had outgrown every part of him,21
It would know longer say inside,22
He had to someway let it free,23
And how, he must decide.24
She screamed at him to go away,25
He only wanted her to listen,26
But she couldn’t see his heartfelt pain,27
Or they way his eyes would glisten.28
He threw her against the wall,29
Wanting to make her feel,30
They way he hurt for days on end,31
Wanting to show his pain was real.32
He slammed her to the ground,33
Kicked and punched and hit,34
Screamed he would always love her,35
With that flame forever lit.36
He stopped and watched her crying,37
On the floor, blood in her hair,38
He’d only gone to make her hear him,39
But got trapped in this nightmare.40
Watching her lying there,41
Only then could he see,42
He’d torn up his own life that day,43
His only reason to live and be.44
She was and always will be,45
His one and only lover,46
He had no room to love again,47
How could there be another?48
He lost more than just her trust that day,49
He lost a part of his black soul,50
He lost the bit that made him, him,51
And without it he wasn’t whole.52
He couldn't handle what he'd done,53
Couldn't live with the guilt and shame,54
At least, he thought, as he took his life,55
She'll never forget my name.56
What did you think? Please comment!
Comments
1 - 9 of 9
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this is really good - some of the rhyme seems foreced. thanks for entering it into my contest.
<3 jerusha -
Ooh -er. You seem a bit upset. A tradgedy (sic) right enough.
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Keith shutup.. i never said anything about that was meant to be cool you dickface and there wasent meant to be anything heroic about any bits of it you dumbfuck.It was a tradgedy and they both died,and even if she didnt die like she wouldnt remember the name of her ex boyfriend who bashed her and then killed himself, like thats an easy thing to forget.. FUCKING IDIOT.
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Wow.
Thats all I can say
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O.K. a sort of 21st Century Ballad. But you don't engender a lot of sympathy for the hero. A cowardly act, to take out your own pain on another human being. And to take his own life is hardly an act of heroism. I think she'd already have forgotten his name, assuming she survived. If not, then what's the point? Sorry, but there's nothing cool about violence directed at another sentient being. Enough said. Have you seen Warren Beatty and Faye Dunaway in Bonnie and Clyde? She wrote poems about their heroism - quite sweet really. But they still killed them both. And photographed the corpses.
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Oh my wow! That is a powerful poem. It is very well structured, rhymes well and flows beautifully. It has excellent imagery and gave me the chills at certain points while reading. Excellent write! Keep it up!
-Charishma -
wow! that was bloody good! i loved every word. it made me shiver in places. were did you get the idea for this good write. well done on this work
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Wow, this was beautiful. It sent a shiver up my spine. This was so good! The ideas in your pretty little head are beautiful! You must keep writing! I'm so glad that you on AP! Wow, your sooooo good!!!!!!
Always and Forever,
~Kendal -
Oh my god...This is just...wow....Where did you get the inspitation to write this...Please tell me...
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