You are ever on my mind, and I hate you for it. I really do, I seriously do. I want you out but I don't know how to do it. I can't remember what life was like without you, and now I don't want to know it.1
I forgot about the happy times we had, all I remember is the hurt and pain. That's not how I want to remember our time. I want the happiness back. Not so much just for my sake. But for the both of ours.2
I want to see you be truly happy again. And I want to feel that I was responsible for at least a little of that. Why do I surrender to you in a such way?3
Why can't I erase you? I'm not even sure I want to..... I love you, and I hate that I love you.4
I want to be yours, I want you to be mine, but I also want to let go. Because I know that is what would be the best for the both of us.5
I know what's right, and I know that I want us to be right although somehow I know we're not. We're really not. So why do I want it to be be what it isn't?6
Why do I keep forgetting about the pain you caused me, once you tell me that you need a few hours of my time? Why do I let go of my own needs, when all you say is that you're not okay?7
I really wish I didn't love you so much, because my love for you is killing me. It's killing me every single day. I see knives in my head, and try to push them away, but they keep coming back. The sight of your own blood is not something you easily ignore, when the sight is something your own subconscious is creating.. it's scary!8
I don't want to die, but I don't want to live like this either.9
I can't. I'm killing myself unwillingly. I never thought it would be possible for a human to die by their own protecting hands. But I let my mind and heart kill me. I need to let go of the pain. I need to let go of my feelings for you.10
I hate the fact that I can compare you to my father. You caused me as much pain as he did. It's not the same, because my father had a lifetime to cause me this pain, but you, you did it within a single year. I resent you for that. This is why I 11
detest you! All my tears this time, all my fears through time are all joined in what you are, what you said, and what you12
did.13
THIS IS WHY I DETEST YOU!14
Author notes
This is a 10 minute write on a person that takes up my every thought. It's been hard for me to realize most of what I write to him here, but I know it's better to get every thought out, than to leave it sitting in your head....
What did you think? Please comment!
Comments
1 - 8 of 8
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feeling like no other!! bravo!!
wow you have thrown the feeling into this poem like no other that i have ever read, bravo, most people throw the pain and the hurt but you have shown that there was somthing nice before the pain, which alos sends hope into this awesome poem. great write, good flow, and intnses feeling!! bravo bravo!! -
Sure thing, is there anything in particular you would like me to read?
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Now this one, it really reminds me of someone. You did a really good job on this one, for it only taking ten minutes. Keep up the good work, now if you would. Could you please come and check out some of my stuff as well? Take care now....
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Well love should not kiss you but sometimes it may feel they do. Perhaps surrendering and submissionis not what love is all about or disappearing as somebody's else shadow. Perhaps you're hanging on to your relationship for the wrong reasons and that is that you need to feel wanted and accepted but in fact it's more then needs too or shoud be, perhaps you're in love and that is all so important but try to take more control in the relationship and communicate to the other all the stuff that is not write in the relationship, the stuff that makes you feel inadiquate and making you feel that you are dying as an individual, as you should be blending together as opposed to be annihilated. cake
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Thank you for the kind words
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its terrible when they haunt your every waking moment and you go through all the things you have said and done and even make up your own scenarios and totally obssess over someone but luckily t does pass or most of us would till be obssessing...i liked the originality of this the structure and its a soft voice until the end where you shout some feeble words that noone believes so its kind of cute and you come across as strong rather than weakly giving in so that theres a lot of good things in this piece.
Edited on Jan 17, 9:00 because ''. -
Thank you very much... I've always somehow found the strength to live...
I look forward to the time when he is no longer haunting my every waking moment....
I hope it'll be soon
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Yeah its a good idea to get it all out. I usually do it by talking to an imaginary "Him" hehe. But I think I know what you're going through (as many others would) and I sympathise entirely. Hope that you find the strength to live out each day until his face begins to fade away...
~tara
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