The teenager walking his normal walk to school with his arms full of school books, when he notices that woman in front of him walking towards him on her way of her daily activities...1
With the boys eyes wide open, and heart pounding faster every moment..the boy can't think, the boy can't talk.... the boy is speechless2
Her beauty of her long hair, her style of her fast paced walk, the way her hips moved back and forth as she walks...unnoticeably by others, yet very noticeable by the jaw opening, heart pounding, speechless man full of school books.3
This woman had allot of errands to do today, and allot on her mind, yet this boy from many yards away had only one thing in his mind...it was her.4
This woman didn't notice the man staring her in aww from yards away...she didn't notice his tucked in shirt, his well groomed hair and well shaved face...she didn't notice the school books...she didn't notice him5
The length of her dress didn't matter, the color of her blouse didn't come to thought of mind, the way the beauty of her high heels that went click, click, click click as she walked closer seemed very loud yet with such beauty.6
The woman didn't notice the boy from the distance standing in shock. 7
the woman didn't notice the boy's well iorned tight brown pants, or the shiny black belt that surrounded his body ...8
The boy saw something that wasn't out of lust or want..9
The woman didn't see what the man saw...10
Love
The love that is in the air
Comments
1 - 22 of 22
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Maybe it's the funk that I am in, but this spoke to a part of me. The bitterness of this piece seems to be laying in wait, like a trap door spider, hoping that someone will get lost in the sweetness and not notice the tainted edges. If you were trying to be ironic, I believe you have done the best job I've seen in awhile. The tug of war between the two characters is tinged with a frightening amount of daring cruelness... I see this and I shiver.
Great job!
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Typo Time- I quick comment whilst I read-- Line 1: The teenager IS walking; Line 3: Of should be To I think; Paragraph three: 'Her Style of fast paced walk' is easier to understand; The way her hips 'move' would be better, since moved is a change of tense; Paragraph four 'A lot' is the correct words; Paragraphe five 'in Awe' is correct; All of which, of course, is mostly just opinionated drivel.
All in all, I like the concept of the piece... I don't think there has to be a lot of detail or action for something impressive to take place. You put a lot of description into this, and someting profound happened over a pace of just a few seconds. Nice concept.
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Bittersweet
There are a few spelling errors here, but the feeling certainly shines through. And what a bittersweet feeling that is. I'm not sure what to think of the underlining... But that's just me being picky. I think a lot of guys have been in this same boat that you're describing. And you've described it very well, sir. Good job.
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Richard !
Thanks for stopping by and giving your honest input !!
The underline can be picky to some, and others not that much.
I personally use the underline to bring in emphasis on what is trying to be said...
On this case I wanted highligjt per-say the differences between these two...and not just read and ignore the feelings, cause the next thing you know...your at the end !
Thanks for sharing your description how other men feel, sometimes you feel like your the only one in the boat who feels this way...yet in reality your not ! So to point that out that there is more that feel the sameway is just awesome !
Thank you Richard !!
-Hismercy
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Oh my! this is so true yet so wow! it was really deep and you used such description, I could imagine it in my head
Wonderful story
-Missi
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I realize this post that you given is a few days off, and even the comment i'm sharing back is a few days off as well, yet I fell behind on SW with things of reality around me, so now....its catch up time !!!
Missi, thank you so much for taking the time to read this !
This is one of those stories that I loved writing, I knew this had to end (I really didn't want to make people excited and then bored)...but I had a hard time ending this story !....but eventually I did end it...and again I appreciate your feedback
-Hismercy
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i really like this. that, of all the things that could have seen in each other, what they really took notice of was the love.
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Love what it takes
Thanks for stopping by lowercase !
This was just a true heart sick love story. LOL
no need to
but just!
Thanks for your input Lowercase !
-Hismercy
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I remember this one! I had read it this morning in an attempt to stay awake so I could finish a paper. But, anyways, I had to read it twice. Both times I felt sorry for the guy, and both times I liked it lots.
It's quiet in a good way.
--Aden
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How did your paper turn out ?
Sometimes I wish I could put tooth pics on my eye lids to keep them open...or maybe have an extra 'monster' drink to keep my brain turning.
Im glad you enjoyed this story immortelle !
-Hismercy -
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It turned out alright, despite the fact that it was overdue and I was missing a cover and bibliography--there's AP testing at my school this week and it's in the library, so I can't spend much time in there these days...
--Aden
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aw...
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Rock on !
I will take a bronze any day !
Thanks ineel, it was a pleasure to enter this contest ! -
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hahahahah.....
you're welcome! you got what you got! 
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awww
That was realy good yet sad. It reminds me of this guy I like at my school...who I've never even talked to. Weird eh? I mean..how can I like someone I don't know. Your story was touching and the description of your characters was well done. I pity the guy, because I've been there and done that, but now I'm noticed. Hope it turns out for him.
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First to say the opinion, but not the last to share their heart
Thank you featherstream for your comment, and being the first to say something !
To love someone or have a crush on someone who doesnt even know you exist is a very hard thing to carry and even go through (and yes I've been through this very stage many years ago)
This story was actually a pleasure and so much fun to write, I just didn't realize it until I posted it ! (LOL)
Thank you Featherstream !
-Hismercy
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