A Lover's Letter

As I walk through the jungle of people
Hearing the voices of many
Yours is the only one that stands on it's own
I reach where I heard your different voice1

Seeing your face I open my mouth to speak
My voice gets caught in my throat
As I see you dreaming of another girl
Crying I walk away allowing my bundle to fall2

Sitting down hidden behind a green tree
I hear an ear-splitting noise
The jungle floor cleared, until I was left alone
Getting up thinking about him3

Realizing it could never be him and me
Sitting down I collected my things
Sighing I started writing this poem
I'm sorry I'm not the right girl4

Sitting here I realized I should of told you how I felt
Maybe then things would of been different
You won't ever know who wrote this
I'm sorry you hardly know me5

As we grow older we'll go separate ways
I wish it could be you and me
But that was not meant to be
I'm sorry I’m not the right girl for you
I'll sit here and finally say good-bye to you6

Wish you would know and maybe even love,7

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A contest entry

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Comments

1 - 6 of 6

  • Terry Collett
    August 28, 2008
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    Fine lucid poem.

    Good poem I'd say. Pleasing.


  • Naive.
    May 27, 2008

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    This poem was simple, easy to read, and very sad and endearing.

    Favorite Line:

    "Sitting here I realized I should of told you how I felt
    Maybe then things would of been different
    You won't ever know who wrote this
    I'm sorry you hardly know me."

    The ONLY critisim I can give, is that I really wish there had been more description; I feel as if I only know a small part of the story. However, this definitely has potential.

    Good luck, and thanks for entering my contest!

    -jj


  • Shadow-Kissed
    May 22, 2008

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    Well Done

    This is sch a sweet/sad poem. You seemed to poor your heart into it and it turned out amazing. Well done from start tp finish.

    beginning: 5, language: 5, plot: 5, ending: 5, dialog: 5, characters: 5.


  • Scaramouche.
    May 10, 2008
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    Aww.

    How Sweet!

  • sandollar
    May 9, 2008

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    Very Good!

    I thought this was very good. It told a story and was easy to understand. Only a minor thing but I would like to see your characters defined and described a little more. Give a little bit more of the story.

    beginning: 3, language: 4, plot: 3, ending: 4, dialog: 4, characters: 2.


  • emperess27
    May 9, 2008

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    Hey, I know how you feel if this is a personal poem. My relationship ended with him liking another girl and it took me FOREVER to get over him. But anyway, a VERY good poem, and well done. Kais =)

1 - 6 of 6