As I walk through the jungle of people
Hearing the voices of many
Yours is the only one that stands on it's own
I reach where I heard your different voice1
Seeing your face I open my mouth to speak
My voice gets caught in my throat
As I see you dreaming of another girl
Crying I walk away allowing my bundle to fall2
Sitting down hidden behind a green tree
I hear an ear-splitting noise
The jungle floor cleared, until I was left alone
Getting up thinking about him3
Realizing it could never be him and me
Sitting down I collected my things
Sighing I started writing this poem
I'm sorry I'm not the right girl4
Sitting here I realized I should of told you how I felt
Maybe then things would of been different
You won't ever know who wrote this
I'm sorry you hardly know me5
As we grow older we'll go separate ways
I wish it could be you and me
But that was not meant to be
I'm sorry I’m not the right girl for you
I'll sit here and finally say good-bye to you6
Wish you would know and maybe even love,7
?
A contest entry
- Surprise Me by Naive..
1800 points, ended May 29, 16 entries
• next story in this contest, remove from contest
please comment
Comments
1 - 6 of 6
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Fine lucid poem.
Good poem I'd say. Pleasing.
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This poem was simple, easy to read, and very sad and endearing.
Favorite Line:
"Sitting here I realized I should of told you how I felt
Maybe then things would of been different
You won't ever know who wrote this
I'm sorry you hardly know me."
The ONLY critisim I can give, is that I really wish there had been more description; I feel as if I only know a small part of the story. However, this definitely has potential.
Good luck, and thanks for entering my contest!
-jj

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Well Done
This is sch a sweet/sad poem. You seemed to poor your heart into it and it turned out amazing. Well done from start tp finish.

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Aww.
How Sweet! -
Very Good!
I thought this was very good. It told a story and was easy to understand. Only a minor thing but I would like to see your characters defined and described a little more. Give a little bit more of the story. -
Hey, I know how you feel if this is a personal poem. My relationship ended with him liking another girl and it took me FOREVER to get over him. But anyway, a VERY good poem, and well done. Kais =)


1 - 6 of 6





