In the obscure valley called Keth the devious abating moon shines sparsely, the sky bleeding besmirched water. The twisted grotesque trees whispering, the ripples in the upper bark formed in various modus operandi, manifesting lips and the grey ground stretched damply from trunk to trunk. The trees sou’wester‘s tare a path with the treacherous moon’s light, opiate peace descends through the valley and the shadowy groves with the incurable foliage.1
And within the depths of the valley of bedlam, where the light reaches not, move forms not meant to be. Malevolence vines ingratiate forcefully propos the stones of gracious broken ruins, tremendous were they, the forgotten skills of those curators. Strange plants monotonously lay in marble pavements of old, laid by elapsed hands. Undying roses enhance the mighty vine-grown antique wall that stands in solitude. Across the crumbling courtyards of old lays a lonesome gravestone of which discerning memory with holds, chipped and mould stained the gravestone is. And in trees that grow gargantuan in crumbling courtyards leap little apes. The ethereal dwelling place enchants and captures the mind's eye.2
At the very bottom of bedlam crafted angels sing with liquid tongues while their spatter makes undulations in a lonesome fountain, from hidden ivy it springs, and to cavernous crevices it flows, so that the iridous trees that bedlam holds host to knows not why its waters are red, nor why the spectral enchantment is.3
The Apparition that haunts the evil moon spoke to the trees, saying, “I am old, and forget much. Tell me the name of them who built these things of Stone, and tell me the troubled woes of which the gravestone holds.”4
The trees replied, “We are Memory, and are wise in rite of the past, but we too are old. These beings were not to be understood, they were but of the moment. Their aspect I recall dimly, it was like to that of the little apes in the trees. These beings of yesterday were called Man, and those troubled woes that you so seek resemble an ancient disease that you no not, the word I clearly remember for it rhymes with the valley’s name Keth, the disease of yesterday that you so seek was called death.”5
And with that the Apparition vanished to the abating moon, and the trees absorbedly stare at a little ape crouching by the lonesome gravestone of death, that lays in the valley of old, the valley that is Keth.
A contest entry
- Fantasyfans by NinjaMegami.
100 points, ended May 9, 9 entries
Honorable winner
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - Quick Quickies: Shorties by tallblondie.
210 points, ended July 8, 20 entries
Honorable winner
• next story in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 14 of 14
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Wow. This is quite a piece. You have quite the vocabulary on you, and you have used to a great extent. On top of that, you have a very interesting idea here, albeit one that is a little hard to grasp (I'm still not sure I get it). As in, I get the feeling there was a lot of symbolism in there, but I'm not sure if it was, or if it was, what it meant. That would be the weak point of this piece.
Other than that, however, this is impressive. Thanks for entering!
Style: 9/10
Flow: 7/10
Uniqueness: 5/5
Readability: 4/7
Effect: 8/10
Lack of Errors: 3/3
Personal Score: 4/5
Total: 40/50 -
I like the word use but I never though I would ever have to say this, but I think it's a little "too" descriptive. You don't want your readers in a stupor and just sitting there trying to figure out what all your words mean. The words you used were magnificent but they're not usually in the average persons vocabulary so some may not understand. Maybe give it more of a storyline, to keep readers more interested.
Amazing though, I'll give you that
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This is good, so much expression is used and I think that its great, Great Job
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This was okay,it was quite intersting.
I got bored a few times but overall okay.
Thanks for entering and Good luck
-Missi -
I would have to say that I liked what you wrote, I just found it a little too descriptive (if there is such a thing). There was so much detail that I wasn't sure what was really happening in the story as to plot or direction. You'll have to tell me what I can't see in this, I'm afraid. Otherwise, it was well written in regards to grammar, spelling and story format. Thank you for entering and good luck.
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Love the background
Love the details
Love the story
Love it, love it and love it
Great job! -
Lovely.
This is a really beautiful piece of writing. Poetic, haunting, but pretty. Meaningful. I like it! You really have a knack for description, huh? Personally, description is my weakness (I keep trying to rush through my stories as fast as I can) so I admire your talent. I find most long descriptions boring too, but I found all of this very interesting. I love the world you've created. Kewl!
Eph
. Rewarded 8
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I really enjoyed this. You have a very strong head when it comes to descriptions and you place meaning into things that ordinarily would be mundane. You are a true talent. Bravo!
. Rewarded 4
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mmmmm.......
thankgoodness! this one is short! some of the others are too long! i like it!
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Very Nice!!
Oh, wow, that was amazing. You have so many beautiful descriptions, and I love how they can be both pretty and haunting at the same time. This is wayy more detailed than I could ever hope to be in one of my own stories. You are definitely a wonderful, wonderful writer!
. Rewarded 6
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Wonderful descriptions and wordplay. Very nice. And I am a sucker for something with a haunting air to it. Good luck with your contest! I love the talking trees. I dunno why, but I do!
Once again, very nice, and good luck! =D. Rewarded 4
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this was well written with lots of immagry. Awsome write. Good luck in your contest!
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Interesting
Your story reminded up of some fable of yore. I think it would do well as a part of a viking story or something along the Tolkien lines. I thought it was a creative piece.
. Rewarded 4
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did you mean it to rhyme? if so it had depth. its deep like the ocean.
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