He exhaled slowly as I turned to look at him. His brow was wrinkled in thought. His mouth was drawn into a thin hard line; the air escaped from a tiny gap between his lips. His hands fidgeted nervously in his lap, betraying the unease he tried, like every other emotion, so hard to conceal. His dark eyes remained fixed on his fluttering hands, until he felt my eyes upon him. He looked up and began chewing his bottom lip, again expressing what he couldn't say.1
His eyes met mine, and the look he gave me was unmistakable; my thoughts, my words, my actions had hurt him. I wondered silently if honesty really was the best policy. He sighed and ran his hands through curly, disheveled hair. The silence seemed deafening.2
"I'm sorry," I whispered.3
"It's not your fault," he replied.4
I smiled weakly. He was wrong. After all this time I should know better than to let anyone get close to me; it always turns out this way.5
Simultaneously we stood, pushed in our chairs and walked out into the snow, exchanging no words. When we reached my doorstop, I apologized again. He turned and hugged me.6
"Get some sleep; you need it," he said, concern filling both his eyes and his voice. 7
I nodded quietly and promised myself, that from now on, I'd keep things inside. It's safer that way.8
Author notes
so the title sucks, any suggestions?
What did you think? Please comment!
Comments
1 - 8 of 8
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Title is fine. Again the writing is superb, the emotion subdued but intense nonetheless. I like your character both emotional and rational. Very nicely done. amicus...
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"words left unspoken" how about that for a title?
i liked what you wrote and im not going to go on about it otherwise it will sound like blah blah blah, hehehe -
wonderbread
this is my thoughts put into words. a jungle gym of words that i got to play in. thanks for sharing cause it was fantastic. a title hmmmm....i like the title u have now, but i suppose you could change it to something like....smiling mime, (cause they dont talk) or something...i dont know. not very good at titles. hope u figure out one! later
-Lunatic -
in fact, I don't really think the title sucks...it's an open title, and it refers to your story... it's only up to the reader to figure what exactly.
Nicely written this piece by the way... Keep it up!
Leander -
this story flowed well. you had a good image and it was written really well. you have great talent. from the only:
Lil Trini -
you ppl are fucking useless, thanks for clicking like 10 times and not commenting. and don't even give me some bullshit comment like "great write, i love it, blah, blah, blah" i need a title damn it! (disclaimer: this is not directed at the ppl who did leave intelligent comments when they clicked)
~Kate
Edited on Jan 13, 4:10 p.m. because ''. -
Wow, you captured so much emotion in this story and it gave me chills... I love it.... keep it up!
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yes opening up leads to worry but keeping it inside can turn ugly I am passive agressive I know this! I hope that if this is a true short story you wont worry about hurting his feelings as long as you are true to him and to yourself....honesty is Almost always the best policy! great writing here
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