The Pewter Head Gang

“Well I’m off.”1

“Mother, you won’t cause any trouble will you?”2

Margaret Thornton turned from the front door and frowned at her daughter.3

“Trouble? Trouble? What trouble? We had an arrangement. Thursdays are reserved for our club. We booked all this ages ago and the new management has no right to cancel our contract. It’s all paid up for the next six months”4

“They have offered you your money back, plus compensation.”5

“We don’t want our money back. All we want is our time at the Gym, and that’s what we’re going to get.” There was the sound of a car horn. “Anyway, there’s Michael, mustn’t keep him waiting. Bye”6

She shut the door behind her. Amanda sighed. Her mother had always been actively involved in conservation, political, and human rights issues, to name but a few. At least the Gym hadn’t, up to now, been controversial. The gym had been Michael’s idea. She was glad her father-in-law and mother had become such good friends. They were company for each other.7

She turned back to the kitchen to wash the dishes. At least the school holidays allowed her to catch up on her housework. As a teacher, she found it difficult at times, although, Brian, bless him, helped out whenever he could. She finished the dishes, made the beds and started the mountain of ironing.8

She listened to the loud, and distressed calling of a cow in the neighbouring field. Every year was the same. The beast would wander around calling for her calf for at least three days. It was heart wrenching. Despite being hot from ironing, Amanda closed the window.9

By eleven forty-five, she had put lunch in the oven, and returned to her ironing. She had almost finished and glanced quickly at the clock, 12.15. Mother was late. Adam her eight-year-old had come in from play and was hanging around the kitchen door.10

“What’re we having for lunch mum? I’m starving.”11

“Give me another five minutes, Adam. Your grandmother’s a bit late today.” She hung a shirt on a coat hanger and carefully fastened the top button.12

The telephone rang. It was the police. Could she pick her mother and father-in-law up from the police station? No, they hadn’t been arrested. They were being kept there for their own safety.13

She stood still, biting her lip; for their own safety?14

Hurriedly putting away the iron and ironing board, she rang Brian. He said he would come straight away and pick Margaret and Michael up on the way home. There was a smell of burning from the kitchen. The piecrust was scorched to a dark brown and the oven chips were now bowed upwards in dried despair. She rescued the pie, disposed of the chips and hastily prepared a salad. Cutting a slice of pie and carefully removing the darker pastry with a knife, she put Adam’s meal on the table.He frowned down at it, but didn’t remark on his pie. Instead he asked,15

“Where’s Gran? She’s usually back by now.”16

“Oh she’s been delayed. Your father’s bringing her home.”17

“That was the police wasn’t it” and, not waiting for an answer, “I bet she’s been arrested again. It’s not fair. She only tries to save trees and things, and stop us all dying from carbon onaxidine poisoning.”18

“Actually, it’s carbon dioxide, and your Grandmother hasn’t been arrested. She’s just helping the police with one or two things”.19

“Their enquires, you mean, eh Mum?” then added darkly, “Poor Gran, I bet they’re torturing her”.20

“Adam! Will you be quiet and get on with your meal”.21

Adam chewed thoughtfully on a piece of celery. He removed his piecrust and pushed it carefully to the side of the plate. He started to mine the inside. Bacon, egg and broccoli, great! The clock chipped away at the silence and he wondered if he should tackle his mother about Gran again. He watched her re-boil the kettle for the third time, and glare out of the window, twisting the tea towel between her fingers. Perhaps he’d better leave his questions until later.22

He had almost finished the last of the pie filling, leaving a crisp pastry shell, when the front door opened. His mother rushed out into the hall, closing the door behind her. He heard her “you-better-have-a-good-answer” voice,23

“Well? What happened this time?”24

“It’s nothing major Amanda. Just a bit of a mix-up, that’s all.” His father’s voice, “Come on in here, we’ll tell you what happened.”25

Adam heard them go into the lounge, and slid quietly off his seat. He opened the kitchen door, and listened. The lounge door was ajar and he could hear his grandfather's voice,26

“It was an accident that snowballed. We weren’t responsible for wrecking the place.”27

His mother sounded almost hysterical,28

“What do you mean, wrecking the place?”29

“Oh dear! You’d better tell her Margaret.”30

“Elsie was on the rowing machine.”31

Adam crept into the hall, nearly knocking a photograph off the hall table. It was very faded and brown. It was a picture of his grandmother and his other grandfather. He pressed his ear to the wall. He liked Elsie. She was big and very jolly. What had happened to Elsie?32

“Go on.” His mother’s voice was grim.33

“Elsie was on the rowing machine, but there was something wrong with it. She fell off backwards when the seat came off. The seat, unfortunately, hit the control on the static bike thing, Martha was using that, and the damn thing went berserk. Then, -you know that young man, oh what’s his name, the one that used to work at the supermarket? Simon or Steven or something like that.”34

“Yes.” His mother sounded almost threatening.35

“Well, he went to switch off the bike, but couldn’t get near it. Martha was hanging on for grim death. The thing was like a bull on the rampage. Anyway, he went over to the wall and bent to disconnect the plug, and –“ his grandmother paused, “it got him.”36

“Oh God!” Amanda groaned.37

“Poor boy, it must have dreadfully painful, but at least he managed to switch it off. Then he just slumped there against the wall looking a bit sick.”38

“I thought you said the place was wrecked.”39

“It didn’t exactly end there.” His grandfather said rather hesitantly, “Tommy and Felicity were using the medicine ball. Felicity had thrown the ball to Tommy, but he was watching Elsie and Martha, and didn’t see it coming. It hit him on the head and he fell over backwards on top of a young chap who was using the weights. You know, Tommy’s pretty strong, it’s surprising. I wouldn’t have been able to catch that bar like he did. At least he prevented a serious injury, but the young fellow was pretty winded, and very angry. Talk about road-rage –“40

“It was what I suppose you’d call gym-rage.” His Grandmother interrupted, and then continued the story, “When he got his breath back, he picked up the medicine ball with one hand, and threw it at Tommy. This time Tommy did see it coming and ducked.” She stopped abruptly, “I don’t suppose we could have a cup of tea, that stuff at the police station was awful?”41

“I’ll switch the kettle on”.42

Adam heard his father moving towards the door and hastily retreated to the kitchen. His father beamed at him,43

“Hello son.” He glanced down at Adam’s plate with a wry look, “I see you’ve finished your lunch, why don’t you go out and play?”44

“It’s raining dad.”45

His father glanced out of the window, “So it is. That’s a pity; it was such a lovely morning too. Well go up to your room and use your computer or something. I expect it’s just a shower. I’m afraid the living room’s out of bounds for now. We’ve something to discuss.”46

“You mean Grandad and Grandma getting arrested?” Adam asked.47

His father grinned broadly, “No son, they haven’t been arrested. There was an accident at the gym, or should I say health club, now it’s been taken over. They were just helping the police sort it out.”48

“Is it because Elsie fell off the rowing machine?”49

His father frowned at him, although there was a twinkle in his eyes.50

“Have you been eavesdropping?” Adam nodded guiltily, “Hmm, I think the sooner you get upstairs the better. Go on make it snappy.”51

Adam scurried off, and Brian got down four cups. He made the tea, and put everything onto a large tray. Sugar, milk, and -. He glanced down at the pie. No, he’d leave that. He carried the tray to the lounge.52

Margaret helped herself to sugar and milk and sipped the tea gratefully,53

“Thanks Brian, you’ve saved my life. Getting back to what happened with that stupid young man. What did he expect Tommy to do? Stand there and let it hit him? Well, it did hit Eric on the treadmill. - That’s one of the new contraptions they’ve introduced.”54

“I know what a treadmill is mother.” There was resignation in Amanda’s voice.55

“Eric grabbed the sides to steady himself and must have increased the speed somehow. God, his little legs were going nineteen to the dozen. He did manage to scramble off, but was as dizzy as a coot in whirlpool, and hung on to the nearest thing to him. It was a pair of legs belonging to someone on the rings. You know, they’re part of the old equipment and –“56

Michael, looking a little grim, took up the tale. “There was a group of youths standing in the corner, and when Eric and this other chap ended up in a heap on the mat, they thought it extremely funny. They were shouting things like “Go on Grandad, use a head lock, keep him down”. It was all very light-hearted, but the man on the weights took great exception to this, and went over and punched one of them. A brawl broke out, and that’s when the new manager arrived with four brawny men.”57

Margaret interrupted angrily, “Four cowardly thugs, you mean. They picked on Eric, a sixty-six-year-old, and started to push him around. Elsie, -you know she’s sweet on Eric, even ‘tho she’s twice his size, -grabbed hold of one of them, pushed him down and sat on him. The youths moved in to rescue Eric, and the manager, not wanting another brawl, ushered us through to his office, and called the police. The police have told him that because we hadn’t committed a criminal offence, they wouldn’t take it any further. The manager said he’s going to sue us, but the police said if there was any suing to be done, Eric might have a case for assault.”58

Brian unperturbed by events, remarked, “You’d better change that finger bandage Dad, it’s pretty dirty,” he smile ruefully, “and I thought the Gym was safer than DIY. Well I suppose I’d better find out where we stand legally on this. Geoffrey Jackson can let us know. I’ll give him a ring.”59

“You’ll be wasting your time.” Michael spoke firmly, “He’s away on holiday.”60

“That doesn’t matter. He’s taken on a new partner hasn’t he? I’ll contact him.”61

“You’ll still be wasting your time.” Margaret affirmed.62

“Why?”63

“We tried from the police station and actually he was already there – “Margaret hesitated, “ er did I mention that Eric grabbed someone on the rings? Well ……”64