From Jared to Kaylie

My dearest Kaylie:1

I know you are grieving over me right now, but please stop baby. What I did for you, was to save you. If I could I'd be there to wipe away your tears, because you know how much I don't like to see you cry. 2

My entrance into Heaven was unlike any other. You had an impeccable image of what Heaven looks like. Fresh pearls from the seas of Euphoria created the gates of Heaven. The softness of the clouds could never replace the romantic feeling I get when I have my arms wrapped around you. Waterfalls of stars splash across the dark abyss. They twinkle like dazzling the blue topaz I gave you on our one year anniversary. If only you could see what I see every night. I could hold your heavenly body against mine, kiss your celestial lips - like I used to. I would cover up your beautiful self with my wings. My pearly white wings are a prize for saving your life, but your wings will be a true treasure from God himself. 3

I used to think I didn't deserve these wings.
I wondered what I could do to help you when you were sick.
I wanted so bad to make you feel better. A beautiful angel like you didn't deserve the fate you would have had. 4

I wondered how Heaven would look on an angel like you;
The most beautiful angel I could ever lay my eyes on.
I wondered if you were ever happy with, I pondered before going into surgery if I should just let you be with a whole new family; You're celestial family. Where you could roam free in eternal beauty, like I am right now. 5

Now I wonder if you are lonely.
I wonder how you get by without me.
I used to wonder what you would say if you could see me again,
But I hear everything you say.
I'm always there even though you think I'm not. 6

If only I could respond, I would.
If only I could hold you again, I would.
I'd take every advantage to comfort and kiss you again.
If only I could take you to Heaven with me, I would.
But I chose not to.7

You're too precious, Kaylie.
You'll always be my princess.
You don't need a tiara to prove that.
You'll be an angel in human form. 8

When you come to Heaven, I'll be the first one you see.
But for now, I'll live among the other angels.
I'll keep looking after you. And I'll keep wishing for you're well-being. I love you, and I'll always be here Kaylie. - Jared

Author notes

okay so i have been working on this for about 4 hours. so i thought it would turn out more poetic than this. but from 2 am to 6 am what are you going to do lol.. plus most guys aren't poetic, although I do have to say "Jared" did have a good run with the line "Fresh pearls from the sea of Euphoria created the pearly gates of Heaven." it maybe revise..it may not. but I liked my description of heaven

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Comments

1 - 9 of 9

  • Melancholic Smile
    September 29
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    I've already commented on this for a previous contest I held and it is still as beautiful the second time around Great use of imagery, lovely descriptions and really moving. Thanks for entering and good luck


  • RosesThorn
    September 28
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    Very touching and loving. Kaylie's a lucky girl XD.


  • seasonsoflove
    September 24

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    Beautiful!!

    Plot: 4
    Language: 4
    Theme: 4
    Brownie points: 4 (Made me cry!!)

    Total: 16

    Good job here!! Seriously, you made me cry. One of the hardest things in the world is to lose someone. Keep up the great work, and thank you ever so much for entering!!


  • Mag the Chodja gold member
    April 17

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    That was absolutely glorious. I'm kinda going through the same shiz, though not quite to the detail, of this story so it kinda hit home. Biased, maybe, but this really says a lot throughout its progression.

    Your imagery was great, even though it clumped up into one big paragraph, and Jared's speaking to her toward the end was romantic and sweet. Lovely way to allude to angels and Heaven, as well.

    I can only suggest that you break up that first paragraph into something smaller, so that it flows easier and keeps the read reading. Your descriptions and metaphors were good, so I'd leave those, but tweaking them wouldn't hurt.

    Thank you very much for entering my contest, good luck. ^^


  • EmeraldLullaby
    October 8, 2008

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    I like this. It's interesting. Written beautifully, certainly. I think you could've gone a little more in depth about Jared's definition of love, though. Still, very good read. Best of luck to you!

    --Sarah


  • potaytee
    June 2, 2008

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    Wow. That is poetic. I especially liked paragraph 8. Congratulations for the gold trophy and good luck for my contest.


  • moonwriter
    May 15, 2008

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    That was beautiful. Stunning, really. I hope you win this contest. I had tears in my eyes as I read this and it's pretty hard to make me cry. It was so sweet and beautiful. It was just gorgeous! This is an amazing, amazing letter. This is just perfect. It didn't need to be poetic to wow me. I loved this! It was emotional and heartfelt enough the way it was. Outstanding job.

  • Melancholic Smile
    May 15, 2008

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    This was lovely I loved your use of imagery and you painted the picture really well. You wrote a perfect length and gave a really happy feel to heaven. I like that you wrote nothing scary about it and the bond of still watching over the loved one. You wrote exactly what i wanted to read and are a definite finalist, well done!

  • nominomi
    May 6, 2008

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    a good start

    wooo! first comment i ever posted on storywrite.

1 - 9 of 9