~Prologue~1
Eyrion’s Travels2
Prologue 3
Eyrion the blue haired elf, he is six years of age. Now that his mother and father have passed away he is left alone. They had died together trapped in their house while a fire burnt it to the ground. The only thing left besides ashes was the families pony, a white horse with a brown face and brown legs; they named him Umbar. A funny looking fellow but he got the job done and keep the little boy company. The ashes still burned from the house as the horse played out in the field where the house was built. The sun beat down on their heads and the wind was gentle on their faces. He walked slowly, tears rolling down his face, to the shed no farther than fifty feet away. Eyrion swung open the wood door to the creaky shed, and walked inside, pushing the cob webs from his face. He grabbed a backpack, some water, food, a peasant’s bow and a saddle for the horse. He placed his fingers on his lips and made a sharp whistle, the horse trotted dup to him, where he placed the saddle on the horse and threw the bow and backpack over his shoulder. He rode back to where the house was gazing at the flames still left looking for bones or something left of his parents. The he spotted under the smoking table what looked like a golden ring. It was a ring, his fathers; he quickly unsaddled the horse and ran to where the ring was. He grabbed it with out thinking and it burned his hand, he threw it high into the air and whimpered into a ball holding his hand. The ring came falling down and clunked him on the head and then fell into the ashes. Eyrion held his hand out and saw a circular burn in the palm of his hand. It burned for a few more seconds and then the pain went away. This time he wrapped cloth around his hand from his cloak and picked the gold ring up, placing it in his money pouch, which had nothing in it.4
He now walked back to his horse and mounted it again the last time for this day. He turned and headed west, as far west as he could get from his home and the memories. He traveled on a slow pace, with his head drooped and his body hunched on the horse. He bounced up and down as the horse started to trot over the grassy plans. The sun rose high and it finally reached noon. He had traveled miles from his house and was in sight of a small town that looked not much bigger than a dozen houses and five or six other buildings. He rode down to the town now riding straight up. He caught something out of the corner of his blue eye, in the bushes to his right. He turned his head and out popped a boar; it was being pursued by three men with spears. Two passed one stopped and stared at Eyrion with a vacant stair. They stared at each other for a few minutes and then a sharp whistle was heard from over the hill. The man ran to his friends who had caught the boar and where having trouble tying it up. Eyrion continued into the town where there were few people out on the streets. The town was surrounded by trees; all the houses were made from logs, and were held together with mud. They weren’t very big three or four rooms big; the biggest building was the bar, which Eyrion was much too young to even think about ordering drinks. But on a day like this if he was a few years older the drinking age he would have thought about it. He continued passed the bar and onto the next street, where he found an inn. He left Umbar out side tied to a pole and walked in side; the floors had red carpets laid down on them and under the tables and were the door was, the stairs also were covered in carpet. In the right corner was a little bar set up, and to the left tables were set up, most of them were filled and some where being cleaned. 5
He proceeded to bar where he took a seat and placed his backpack next to him. He looked to his right and there was the man that he had seen out side just a few minutes before, he pondered how the man got here before him. 6
‘Blue haired child, where have you ventured form?’ The man took a sip from his gauntlet. 7
‘Far east’ Eyrion piped up. 8
‘I have been traveling all day’ A tear fell from his eye. 9
‘I didn’t meant to offend you’ The man turned to him. 10
‘No, it’s not that’ Eyrion held back his tears, whipping the one that had previously rolled down his face. 11
‘What is it? If it’s not to bold of a question’ The man raised one eyebrow. 12
‘Well you see… well my parents died last night… and well now Umbar and I are the only ones left’ Eyrion sniffed in between his words. 13
‘Well if you want you can stay with me, I’m a blacksmith, my job takes a lot of time but I will pay you and you get free food and drink.’ The man smiled lightening the darkened mood. 14
‘I don’t have any money to pay for anything, but I do have this’ he reached into his pouch. 15
‘No I don’t need any money’ The man held his hand out shacking it along with his head. 16
‘Just come with me’ He smiled getting up. 17
‘Don’t you need to, get to know me?’ Eyrion asked troubled. 18
‘To get to know you would take far too long, I would rather cut through the steel then examine it’ The man placed his hand on Eyrion’s shoulder and led him out side. 19
‘Just down this road, where is your friend?’ The man looked around the street, nothing but a few barrels where in sight. 20
‘Right here’ Eyrion smiled holding the reigns of Umbar. 21
‘Oh a horse, I thought you meant another elf boy like you’ he smiled. 22
‘In any case just follow me’ He motioned his hand forwards. 23
Umbar and Eyrion followed the man down the street to the very last building; it had a sign on it that read Mr. Goldhand smiting 24
The building was pretty open for the most part; it looked like any other black smith’s shop would look like, a furnace, and a few anvils. Some iron and steel bars were in labeled crates, and the hammers hung on the walls. He had swords, hammers, axes, and other equipment hanging around the shop that was for sale. 25
‘You are welcome to stay here as long as you need.’ He smiled. 26
‘What is you’re name?’ Eyrion asked. 27
‘Ben Gold, but you can call me Ben.’ Ben smiled and made his way to a cot in the east end of the room. 28
‘Good night Bed’ Eyrion placed his back pack on the ground along with his other garments. He was left in a tunic that was far too big for him. 29
‘See you in the morning’ Eyrion smiled and lie on the ground using his pack as a pillow and shut his eyes. 30
‘Good night my young friend’ Ben answered yawning as he plopped into his cot. 31
‘What is the name of this city, town?’ Eyrion whispered trying to be so loud.32
‘Ithica’ Ben threw his covers over him self and fell fast asleep.33
What did you think? Please comment!
Comments
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Great
Oooo...so this is Eyrion's past? Goody! Does that mean he'll meet Rayne somewhere along the way? They were friends for a good amount of time, as I recall.
The word flow is a little cut and hard to follow at times, but if you just copy-paste it into words and edit it that way, it should clear it all up. *shrug* That's what I try to do with my works before I post them...mostly, anyway. The fact that Eyrion meets Ben Gold at the Inn vs. the Tavern is wonderful. Umbar isn't very well depicted here either. Perhaps giving the animal a little more personality (trust me, horses and ponies have a ton of personality) would help with making the story seem more real and less chopped and reserved. I do so love seeing the characters take on roles like this though...gives a little more background into what happened in the characters past (well, if it's the same Eyrion as in the group post, at least)
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I think you have a good story, but the wording is jerky and it seems like you didn't put much thought into the actual writing part. I sounds like my younger brother just sitting down and typing whatever comes out. There's a fine line between being too blunt and being too poetic in prose, and right now, I feel you're being too blunt. There are much more subtle ways to communicate information rather than right out saying it. This direct way of writing isn't used often and it generally doesn't sound good when reading it. It's very easy to fix though, so keep working with it.
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u can use it its not mine, i found it
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Hey!!! that picture looks so cool!!! It looks like how I described my Sea Elves I made up... pale skin, very skinny, long hair even on males... hair can be blue, blonde, brown or black....
Do you mind If I use it as a picture a poem or something?! -
Fantas(y)tic!!!
Very good write. I'm in love with 'proper' fantasy and this one fits the bill perfectly. I'm waiting for the next parts!
There are little hitches here and there though. I didn't really like a six-yr-old child (elf or whatever) venturing into a bar, couldn't you make him meet Ben Gold elsewhere? And also, it would be really easy to read if you added more paragraph breaks. One at the end of each dialogue is a good idea.
Let me know when you write this one again.
Cheers and hope,
Mandy
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Very nice start Nick....I like the story so far can't wait to read more....it kept my interest through out the entire read....you have alot of talent there bud...of course i think you know that already...thanx for sharing....Peace Dad...
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