Another Empty Apartment

“Can I at least say goodbye?” I pleaded, I didn’t think I could move on if I couldn’t.
“They won’t see, hear, or feel you. You will not be there to them, you understand that, right?” The gatekeeper gave me a sympathetic smile. His robe was pure white and shone with an unearthly light, which made sense since I was at the gate of the dead. A line started to form behind me and I hoped that would help him make his decision in my favor.
“I know, I just want to say goodbye to them.” my vision blurred with tears, which also must have helped him make his decision because he gave me one last sad smile and nodded.
At first I didn’t notice anything but then I felt something tugging on my stomach. The feeling magnified until I felt as if I were falling.
Here I was, back on the mortal side of Earth and not a clue of what to do next. I glanced around to get my bearings. A crisp breeze rustled the leafs of the nearby trees and carried some that had fallen off into the evening. The few people walking were bundled against the unusual chill of the September night. Though I only wore a thin t-shirt and jeans, with my usual sandals, I didn’t feel the chill, or any warmth for that matter. I was truly gone to the world.
It was dark, it must have been at least twelve hours since I had died. How ironic that I had died on my way to a religion class. One would think God would protect them on the way to learn about Him. I chuckled but it caught in my throat when I finally realized where I was: The same place where some jerk had rammed his car into mine.
The cars and any other trace of the accident had been cleared, but I could still see it vividly in my mind. I shook my head to clear the images, but I could still hear the screech and crunching of metal as the cars collided.
I started to run up the street into oncoming traffic, not the smartest idea if I had been alive, but since I technically wasn’t there I passed right through the cars. Being dead seemed to have some nice benefits. Though passing through the cars did cause a tingly sensation throughout my body, or was it being? I wasn’t sure what I was now. When I had enough of it I crossed to the sidewalk, took a left turn and trekked up the hill to say goodbye.
I took the back streets to my house, planning to make a loop to my friends house. If I had taken the main road I would have passed right in front of my friends houses and would have had to double back after visiting my parents. It was something I didn’t like doing in life and I wasn’t about to start in death.
I stopped across the street from my house, taking a moment to compose myself and to get ready for the pain that would inevitably be there. The living room light was on and I could see shadows moving. There were no cars in front of the house but there were more than two shadows. My curiosity at who would be there took over and I entered my house.
To my surprise leaders from my church filled the living room. They all had glistening cheeks but at the moment they were laughing at a story about me. My parents were sitting on the forever old couch telling it. I hoped it wasn’t one of the embarrassing ones that my mother was fond of telling.
Food that neighbors had brought lined the table my mother kept in the living room for special occasions. I smiled, at least my parents would learn some crazy new stories they could laugh at for a while, and the other stories, well they would know the others.
I gave them a long hug, regretting they couldn’t feel it and gave a long apologetic goodbye. I made it as long as possible, not wanting to leave, but I wanted to say goodbye to the others. I ended by goodbye with a “Thank you, I love you both deeply.” Not that they could hear it but I needed to say it.
I left the house and followed the main road to the neighborhood of my closest friends. With the decision to say goodbye to them another dilemma began, who did I visit first? I chose the closest house, Leah’s.
I first went to Leah’s room, floating to the second story window, another nice benefit, and passed through the wall. It was a school night and the clock flashed ten-thirty, so I was surprised when she wasn’t there. I wandered down the stairs, knowing that going through the floor might have been faster but at least I still felt alive going down the normal way.
And then I found her. Crying softly into her mother’s embrace in the living room. Her tears soaked both her and her mother’s shirts, and there was a small pile of used tissues spilling out of the trash can next to the couch. Her father and brother were sitting on the opposite couch lending unspoken support.
As I paused in the doorway, not wanting to disrupt, I remembered I wasn’t visible to them. After crossing the room I laid a ghostly hand on Leah’s, “Don’t cry Leah, it’ll be all right. I just... I’m only...” my own sobs joined hers, I was dead. I would never joke around with her, or with anyone again. The cold reality sunk in and I wiped my tears away. “It’ll be all right.” I repeated, “Life can only get better. I’ll miss you.” I kissed her forehead with a whispered, “I love you.” I started to leave by the back door but stopped at the stairs to the basement. That was were almost all my memories of this house were. We’d had so much fun in the entertainment room with the comfy green leather couches, huge tv, and pool table. Dates, parties, movie nights, I would miss having those. Would they avoid that room now that I was gone? Those memories would make it that much harder to leave when the time came, so I hurried out the door trying to leave them there.
I stepped out onto the patio and crossed Leah’s backyard to Jessica’s. Her house was dark except for the dining room where her parents were talking. This was serious, they never talked.
I floated up to the second story and into Jessica’s room. She was awake, no surprise, laying on her bed with her head resting on the headboard. She was staring at the wall with a slight frown, a look I recognized. It was one she adopted when she didn’t want to cry.
“Oh, Jess!” I cried as I went to put an arm around her. For the first time I was glad to be dead, otherwise the clutter on the floor would have killed me.
“Jessica, I am so sorry this happened! I didn’t want it to! I wish I could stay, I know how much you wanted me to... I’m sorry I won’t be here to cheer you up anymore.” I laid my head on her shoulder to try and comfort her, but it was useless. She couldn’t feel it.
I glanced around the room to try and stop the tears from coming. There were the dance pictures from two years ago, the piggy bank with 4,867 pennies, counted out on a boring day, and random pictures of our friends. I focused on one of the pictures that had always made me laugh. A year ago Jess had dressed up as The Painted Lady for Halloween and had Tina and me draw tattoos all over her with permanent markers. Jess was giving a cheesy smile to the camera, true to her personality. She had her hair pulled into a bun so the “tattoos” of a barcode at the nape of her neck, chinese symbol for love on the side, and “I heart you” on her ear were all visible. I was working on filling in black flames around her upper arm. The reason it made me laugh was because I was laying down with my head on her lap and my feet over the back of a chair. The only position I could find that gave me a good view of what I was doing and that was comfortable at the same time. Now the picture only brought sorrow because nothing like it would happen again.
“You’ll have to take care of Leah now, Tina too.” A tear rolled down my cheek, I never could stop the tears. Could spirits feel so much pain?
Her head fell against mine and I jerked back in surprise, had she heard me? Sadly, no. She had just fallen asleep. I kissed her forehead with a whispered, “I love you.”
I went out the front window and started toward Tina’s house. This was going to be hard, maybe the hardest. She would be the last person I would see, the last I would give unheard advice to. With that thought I stopped, I couldn’t do it, I sat down in the middle of the street in frustration.
That’s when I felt it, their pain at my death, yet something else, something more. At first I couldn’t recognize it and was surprised when I did. It was happiness - Happiness in all the memories we shared, from sleep overs to girl’s nights to cheering at sporting events.
I sat there for most of the night, remembering all the things we had done together, the good, the bad and the just plain stupid. Laughing at the just plain stupid. When I reached the most recent memories I knew my time was running out, so I stood and hurried to Tina’s, dreading having to say my final farewell.
I passed through her family room and almost turned back around to leave. That room had so many memories. Fun memories, but they were tainted with the few memories that held horrible arguments. I took a deep breath and let it out. This had to be done, I would always regret it if I didn’t say goodbye.
Tina was in her room. A room that shared a lot of memories, like the night that Tina, Jess, Leah and I had stayed up for hours talking about our plans for the future. We had to talk softly because Tina’s parent’s room was right above hers and the vents carried even the quietest sound up to them, but somehow they hadn’t heard us. I smiled and looked to Tina again.
From a distance she looked peacefully asleep, but as I got closer I could see her cheeks were stained with tears. Whether for me, or from some horrible nightmare, I didn’t know. I tried to wipe them away just the same, and cursed when my hand passed through her skin. I hated being dead.
I crouched down and looked her in the face, “Tina,” I whispered, “you’re going to have to be strong now, okay? Especially for Jess. She’s going to hate me for a long while, maybe you and Leah too, but don’t let them grow bitter. You guys are too cute to be bitter.” I smiled at the thought. Tina and I had been bitter towards each other on and off for a while now. Fighting more and more over the past year. Tears rolled off my cheeks, we hadn’t parted on such good terms, “I’m sorry for all the times we fought. I hope you can forgive me.” I kissed her forehead with a whispered, “I love you.”
“They’ll be all right, don’t worry.” a soothing voice said from behind.
I whirled around and saw the gate keeper who had let me come back. I gave him a skeptical look, “You promise?”
“I promise.” His voice was warm and so was his smile as he reached out for my hand.
I took it with little confidence in the words, not knowing how he could promise anything like that, but as I felt an imprint in His palm I had complete faith in His promise. He smiled again and led me away.