Hey tamari! I shout to her as I slowly walk down the school hallway. I hope she can hear me from all the lockers slamming and shouting. I see her glance my way. She signals me over to her.11
I started to ask her what was wrong. She started to state some guy named Blake was checking her out. I looked over at him. Oh my god he was hot. I could tell tamari was started to realize that I liked him. 22
“Jess go talk to him and see if he likes Me.”, she says. I walk over to him caution to make I don’t have a booger or anything stuck on my blouse. “Hey your name is Blake right?” yeah it is “what your name gorgeous?”33
My heart beat fast. “Its jess.” “But my friend was wondering if you want go out with her.” “No thanks I want to go out with you.” Really that would be great!44
I started to walk back to my friend. My Blonde shiny curly hair bounced along with it. She was standing there looking angry. I looked into her blue piercing eyes. She was leaning her frail lean body against the locker.” What did he say?” 55
He said he only wanted to go out with me. “What and did you say yes?” Yes I did I am sorry about that but I really like him to. “But jess I laid my eyes on him first.” 66
I started to get nervous. My stomach churned, wanting to go but I knew I couldn’t without saying my last to words. I guess that means were not friends at all. If you don’t want to accept the fact he likes me. “Fine I guess those 3 years of friendship were nothing!”77
I got home feeling confused. “How could I have said yes when my best friend was the first one to like him not me.” “Hell yeah I’m the mother fucking princess you know I’m right!” I suddenly realized it was my cell phone. I answered it slowly excited it was Blake.88
Yeah sure you can come over. I got my hair straightened. And put on some bronze eye shadow with some light peach blush and some light pink lip stick. I sprayed on some Abercrombie perfume and I was ready. 10 minutes later he was here.99
“Hey jess he stared down at my lips.” I started to let him in then he grabbed my waist and leaned in for a kiss. We started to kiss and I put my hand though his shaggy blonde hair. I slowly pull his hand and he walked up stairs with me. We got top of my bed and we started to just make out there.1010
He nuzzled my neck and I felt sudden warmth and pleasure from it. We slowly started to make love. My toes curled. I felt so great. But then the front door opened and my parents were home. I got up quickly and got my robe on.1111
Luckily he got ready in time and I kissed him quickly then he left. My parents didn’t know thank god. My mom on the other hand had high cheek bones and the prettiest blue eyes and black hair my dad had blonde hair and blue eyes. I quickly ran to my bed and went to sleep.1212
I woke up with a hickey. My parents were asleep thank god. I crept down stairs. I went and got into my 96 Honda. And went to school. I was hoping tamari was not angry anymore.1313
I started to look around for Blake. I suddenly realized I saw him with this brown haired girl. It hit me like a heat wave. I realized that she was his second gf. And that I meant nothing to him. I shouldn’t have done that at all. I wish I would have stayed with tamari.1414
I suddenly walked down the hall way and found her. Tamari! She turned around and saw me and just stood there. Listen tamari I am sorry I made a huge fool out of myself to you and I wish I never did. Will you please forgive me? 1515
“It will be hard but okay.” It took a couple years but I realized she and I were friends. But To Blake he wont be here anymore. But yet thats another story to tell isnt it?16
The end 17
A contest entry
- I Already Prompt You by Missi.
360 points, ended May 9, 2008, 9 entries
• next story in this contest, remove from contest
Hey I'm Jess I like High School Young Adult First Person
Comments
-
This is really good but you have some grammar mistake's and you did not use correct paragraphs you could have went in to the story and added emotions for the main character overall it was okay,
Good luck in the contest and thanks for entering!
Missi -
this is good but you have a lot of grammar mistakes and it is hard to understand what is happening. you didn't use correct paragraphs and some prompt words would help too. things just happen randomly, one minute she's at school with her friend then it goes to blake calling her at home. you need more details on what has happened. if you fixed it up a little and made it easier to understand this could be a great storyline good luck
-
-
countrycowgurl
i had it correct grammar stuff is correct i went thourgh everything in word porcessor updated to greatest and bestest word preseccor . it isnt compilented when she goes as you said "one mintue thing" thats why i said she got home from school. not in fast way. yeah she got in home form school then phone rang. i got parapgraphs compelted from the processer.
-


