I Get That Feeling

As she walked down the wrap-around staircase, her heart began to beat a little faster, a little harder. She dreaded this corner, the next few steps, and the next 17 minutes daily. Ever since he had put that lock on the outside of that old closet door, she felt a little better, but there was always that door to the right, that made all her feelings of security vanish within just a few beats. She quickly found her way to the cold, poorly lit, bathroom. She dreamed of the day she would have a shower upstairs, instead of just a bath, since the thought of bathing in her own filth disgusted her. She may even feel a little better if there was a dead-bolt in this tasteless excuse for a bathroom. Instead, the door never even latched and the dogs always seemed to find their way downstairs to nudge the door open. 1

She shut the door, and like always, threw her towels on the floor, and used her foot to push them up against the bottom of the door. She wasn't for sure if this helped to keep the door shut, but it made sense in her chaotic mind. She reached for the shower curtain and prepared herself for what she had hoped wasn't there. She slid the shower curtain open and let out a sigh of relief. She turned on the hot water and closed the shower curtain. She always liked to let the shower get hot and steamy before she got in, considering the fact that she was always freezing her bottom off. She slid off her black flip flops, and her fleece pajama bottoms followed. Slipping her thumbs into each side of her pink, flowery thongs, she heard a thump coming from the floor directly above her. A sharp gasp escaped her mouth, and with that she paused, looked up, and waited for the next thump. " Was it just the dogs playing?" she thought. "Maybe it was Jazmyn jumping off the microwave." There could have been a million excuses for the noises she always heard when she was in this creepy room. "Maybe Hank came home early or the neighbors are being loud." No matter what the reason always turned out to be, the thought that someone was coming to assault her, remained in the back of her mind. A few seconds had passed and she still hadn't heard that next thump. She continued removing her panties, then moved on taking off her white spaghetti-strap tank top. She slid off her four rings, and took out the earrings that left little green spots on her ears. Sliding back the shower curtain this time was so much easier knowing no one would be behind it. 2

She carefully stepped in, making sure not to let the hot water touch her. After a few moments of turning the cold water knob and testing the water, she emerged herself under the relaxing flow of water. This always felt so good, yet she was always uneasy about doing it with her eyes closed. She wanted to see if someone slid the shower curtain open while she was in there. She let the water run through and through her long black hair. When it it was drenched thoroughly, she massaged shampoo throughout. While rinsing her hair, she let her eyes close momentarily. There it was. The thump. Her eyes shot open with a gasp once again leaving her mouth. She looked up at the ceiling and again, waited for the next. Her heart racing, she peeked out of the shower curtain to assure herself that no one was there. "I wish I could get these damn thoughts out of my head," she thought. She reached for the conditioner, squeezed some out into her hand, and proceeded to work it into her hair. While the conditioner was soaking into her hair, she brushed her teeth and shaved her tender armpits. She then leaned back into the water to rinse her hair of conditioner, when another sharp inhale made it's way out of her mouth. It was like she couldn't control it. "Was that the door?" she thought. She waited a few seconds, trying to see if there were any shadows against the shower curtain, then pulled it open just far enough to see the door. Closed, still closed. "What was that, if it wasn't the door," she wondered. "Was someone in the basement or was it just the dogs?" she pondered. She went back to her shower, dreading the next part more and more each day. She reached for her little blue bottle of facewash and put some into her hand. After she set the bottle back on the shelf, she rubbed up a lather between her hands, then put her hands to each cheek. She rubbed her face, trying to avoid her eyes as long as possible, so she wouldn't have to close them. Of course, it was inevitable that she would have to close her eyes. She washed her eye-makeup off and rinsed her face as fast as she possibly could. A feeling of relief took over her as she opened her eyes again. Just to be on the safe side, she took another quick peek outside the shower curtain. No one there. Now that was security. She grabbed her body pouf and squeezed her lavender scented soap onto it. She caressed her body, inch by inch, with the rich lather. Felt so good to be clean. She rinsed her body of the creamy, soapy, lather and reached for the shower knobs. Just as she went to turn them off, she heard a noise. "Now that was definitely the door," she thought. She tightened the knobs and jerked the shower curtain open. She shuddered as her eyes locked on the door which was ajar. A feeling of panic took over. Her heart, feeling as though it was going to beat out of her chest, quickly slowed as she seen Jane's little black nose nudge the door open just a little more. The towels were holding the door from opening any wider. She reached for the door and slammed it shut. "Damn dog," she thought. 3

She reached for her towels, wrapped one around her hair and one around her body. Slipping her flip flops back on she reached with one hand to shut off the light and the other to open the door. She scanned the room and was for once relieved to see Jazmyn sleeping on the pool table. No other living thing was occupying the room. She checked the lock on the outside of the closet door, and scampered past. She went back up the stairs, the panicked feeling still inhabiting her entire body; weak knees, quivering finger-tips, thoughts racing, heart pounding, breath sharp and rapid. She reached the top of the stairs and quickly shut the door behind her. 4

She went to her bedroom and sat down on the bed and breathed out a sigh of relief. Ruby and Jane followed wagging their tails, not a worry in the world. She thought to herself about how she went through this everyday, and wished to herself that someday she would overcome this and be able to wag her invisible tail, with not a worry in the world. She scratched Ruby's head and looked her in the eyes. "Ever get the feeling that you're never alone?" she asked the careless catahoula.