The Sweetest Sin

"You got any?" I asked my best friend Martin as I was riding toward his house about twice the speed limit. 1

"Yeah, why? Dude, you sound shot," he replied. Good old Martin, always knowing what was going on in my head. 2

"A little," I lied. I was totally shot. Now I wanted to forget that. Martin had the good stuff, the stuff that could make me forget my own name. I always was good at picking out my friends.3

"I'll be there in a minute," I told him, accelerating so that it would be true as I snapped my cell phone closed. I could hear him complaining on the other end. It didn't matter. I had my paycheck fresh in my pocket and I was close to being there.
--------------------4

"What the hell is your problem dude?" he greeted me. I threw myself down on his couch and greeted his parents cooly. His mom smiled at me and passed the joint. I took a nice long drag and felt my nerves start to cool down a little. 5

"Jamie and Donald," I replied. Martin rolled his eyes but his dad leaned forward curiously. 6

"What'd they do?" he asked. My parents were always doing something or other nowadays. 7

"Just being stupid and controlling. They tried telling me I couln't see Amanda anymore," I began. "Jamie went through my room and found all the notes she's been giving me in school. She doesn't like what she's been reading. Say's we're getting 'too serious' and I need to focus." 8

"Here, man. You look like you need this," Martin said, passing again. He wasn't wrong; just retelling the story was making me shake. 9

My phone started to ring and I checked the caller id quickly, expecting the parents to be after me. Instead, it was my girlfriend calling. 10

"Hey baby," I greeted her. 11

"Darling," she returned. "Can you come over?" she invited, her tone purring. I smiled. After I was all done here, she would calm me down even further. 12

"Sure, I'll be down in about an hour," I told her in a low tone. The purring stopped. 13

"Where are you at?" she asked, her voice a bit more snappy. 14

"Martin's," I answered without thinking. I had too much in my system to realize what I had done immediately. I snapped out of it a half-second too late. 15

"Martin's," she repeated, spitting the word out. "Well, then then don't worry about it. Don't worry about me anymore either."16

"Whoa, Amanda, I'm just over here for a minute, I swear!" I protested to the dial tone that answered me. I sighed. I wasn't even feeling the effects yet and I knew I had to go. 17

"I've gotta go calm down my girl, Martin," I said. "I'll be back if I can sneak away from her."18

"Later dude," he said.19

"Later."
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Her door was locked, as I knew it would be. I rang the doorbell for five minutes straight until she finally opened. She scowled at me angrily. 21

"Go away," she said, and started to close the door. I pushed through it and grabbed her arm, dragging her to the couch with me. 22

"Listen Amanda," I started. She picked up a picture frame off the coffee table she had and swung it at my head. I ducked and cleanly caught her hands, wrenching her weapon from her. 23

"Quit," I growled. "Now, you know that that's a small part of my life. But I can live without it," I protested. "I can't live without you. Why do you think I would come over here so quickly?" I asked her. My persuasion wasn't at it's strongest today. My mind wasn't entirely clear from what I did manage to smoke. 24

"I don't care. I told you I won't be with anyone who does that. You know this. Now get out."25

"No. You invited me over, now I'm here," I said, leaning back on her couch and pulling her closer to me. She slapped me. 26

"Do I have to say it? Is that what you want?" she asked me cruelly. I stared at her, dumbfounded. 27

"It's over!"
--------------------28

I went back to Martin's house for just a minute to get one of my own. I wasn't in the mood for company. On the drive to the park, I looked at the unlit contents of my hand, blotted with my tears. Drugs always were blotted with my tears, the entire black world I entered whenever I used them first. I couldn't escape; the other world, the real one, existed no longer. Amanda was my last connection to genuine happiness. Now all I had was artificial.29

I pulled over by the trail I always did when I needed to be alone and started on the dim path. It wasn't long before I veered off where I always did and found the tree. It was huge, it's droopy branches touching just over the lake. It was my spot, my spot I'd brought Amanda to just once, just once to give ourselves to each other, to lose our innocence. 30

I swung on the lowest branch and climbed higher than usual, onto a branch right over the lake. The water wasn't even shallow directly below me. I spanned the entire park. It was beautiful as usual, but even more so today because the sun was setting. Twilight settled onto the lake and was mirrored back toward the sky. 31

I leaned against the thick trunk, high up as I was, and pulled out my lighter. After I lit it, I didn't take a drag immediately. If fact, I didn't take one at all. I watched as all my drugs burnt themselves away slowly. I even made sure not to inhale the smoke. 32

Could I live without it? Would I even function right? Then there was Amanda. I already knew I couldn't live without love. She did stupid, annoying things sometimes, but she was mine. Even more so, I was hers. Still. And I knew it just as well as she did. 33

I closed my eyes and imagined her face. I felt like someone hit me in the stomach. No, it was too painful. But which was more? There was only one way to find out for sure. 34

Her image still in my mind, I brought the joint closer to my face and smelled it's burning oregano smell. It was sweet. Her face was sweet. They were both so very, very painful. 35

I imagined kissing her. My eyes filled with tears that I let stream down my cheeks without interruption. It was all I could do not to get sick; I could taste her. I could also taste my drugs. 36

Which was sweeter?37

It really wasn't a very hard question in the end. There was one thing that I simply couldn't go without, though I wanted the other so badly it was breaking my heart. 38

I lifted my addiction to my lips and took a long drag, my last kiss. My head went immediately light. I used the last of my strenght to fling my beautiful sin out as far into the lake as I could. 39

I tightened my hand around the branch as tightly as I could, or I would certainly fall. The world was spinning, flashing before me. The sun was setting a fire in the sky; too soon it would be gone. 40

Like her. Our love was stronger than the strongest drug. That's how I knew she would be there when I looked down.41

And she was. At the base of the tree. I knew what I could live without. I let it sink to the bottom of the lake as climbed down quickly to my sweet addiction.

Author notes

"Before I met you, my life was a moonless night."

That isn't a Twilight quote, is it? If so, I was FORCED to put it there.

A contest entry

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    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
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Comments

1 - 31 of 31

  • bird-mad girl
    January 24

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    I thought this was written very well but I thought it was a bit too dramatic for pot. That aspect kind of irritated me and I felt like I was watching one of those Above the Influence commercials. I felt this piece could have been a lot stronger if it was about a harder drug like heroin, and I feel the same way about those damn commercials as well, they need to focus on worse things but I won't rant about that now. I'm not one to preach on drug use/abuse even though I've seen people die from it or live but suffer uncontrollably but I love stories on the destruction of drugs. There is something about them that is comforting in such an ugly way and I can't fully explain it but I got that feeling from your story even though it had a happy ending with her being there, I didn't even mind that being cliché. I think this story is great but like I said above I think it could have a lot more edge if the drugs were more fatal.

    Thank you for entering.


  • Just Breathe.
    January 8

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    Wow, this is amazing! I love it! The description, the...just the whole story was amazing. It takes a lot of courage to give up drugs and be with the one's or one you love. Great job and good luck in my contest!

  • lovetoloveyou
    January 6

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    Oh... that is amazing! Much better than anything I could ever write! This story is GREAT. I'm serious.


  • MrsSpunkRansom
    December 27, 2008

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    Nice, I like it. Few grammar errors; but it was powerful and moving. I'm considering it at the moment. Great job.


  • beezy92
    December 24, 2008

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    I LOVE THE BOY YOU'VE CREATED HERE!! Give me a boy like that and I'd be in love forever. Preferably without the drugs, but I'm in a pretty desperate place right now I ♥ this. Finalist list for sure (:


  • Yeshua
    December 23, 2008

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    Hmm...Yeah...

    Ok... If I'm not mistaken... You're a boy who has quit using drugs because of a girlfriend? No? Well then you are a brilliant writer. Either way the realism of this story was striking! Thank's for the entry in "My Little Gem" God Bless all of your writing endevors.

    Sincerely
    Yeshua!


  • Ayesha Raees
    November 7, 2008
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    it is soooo wonderfully described. *claps*
    I liked it.


  • ninju
    November 4, 2008

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    My god. Into the mind of a drug addict and it was so real . I( could feel the pain and love in every word . Brilliantly done . Thank you for this story .

    beginning: 4, language: 4, plot: 5, ending: 4, dialog: 5, characters: 5.


  • damnxrightxitsxanna
    October 22, 2008

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    I see the connection to my prompt, even though it's not exactly it. It was kind of a sad story, but then had a happy ending. I liked how it was filled with emotions, and even though it was corny, I liked how in the end he chose love over the drugs. You had a lot of nice imagery that really drew the picture for me. Well, good luck and thanks for entering my contest.


  • happy go lucky13
    September 4, 2008
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    yayyy, this WAS good happy luck!


  • quicksilver moon
    August 31, 2008
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    A very realistic story about the struggle of choosing between love and drugs. Sadly, too many people cannot let go of drugs, even for love. I am glad this story was not like that. It was a very interesting read. Thanks for entering this story in the contest


  • Valkyrie silver member
    August 24, 2008

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    Mmmm, that was a great story. I loved the description of the tree and the sunset, the flinging the "sin" into the lake. Reminds me of the Biblical part about our sins on the bottom of the sea. And how sweet that you had the girl waiting, too! Awww, wuv.
    I think I liked the part where it was agony choosing the best though; you didn't gloss that over or skip quickly. You took some time to point out how extremely hard it was to choose, and choose, and choose, again. Nice. Very very nice.
    Your writing so rocks.


  • Kagamine Rin
    August 24, 2008

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    This, so far, is my favorite story on StoryWrite involving love. This happens to so many men in the world, and I feel so bad for them. But aside that fact, I loved the mood in the atmosphere, as well as the description. I didn't catch one grammar mistake. Good job.

    I wish you luck in my contest! =D


  • moonwriter
    July 20, 2008

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    This is my favorite story on storywrite. This story has stuck in my mind for a long time now. Usually I'll forget about stories unless they were truly outstandingly amazing. This story was, without a doubt, that good. You have an amazing gift with words. This was just perfect I understand why you win so much with this sotry. It's gorgeous. Thank you for writing such a beautiful story.


  • gerifitzsimmons Greeters member
    July 12, 2008

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    You created a terrific story the words move along at a brisk pace

    Your plot is easy to follow and is on a very timely subject. You did a great job of showing the hold these social drugs have on the user.

    That was an interesting scene with the narrator’s friend and his parents. Apparently they are users, and think nothing of their child or his friend partaking with them; but I’m I sensed they also sold the drugs.

    Strange that his parents were so down on his relationship with the girl; but couldn’t see what his friend Martin brought to the table.

    You created a terrific story the words move along at a brisk pace and are understandable.

    You do need a bit of editing.

    The ending was little unbelievable, unless he wasn’t hooked that badly —but it was a good ending for a short inspirational story.

    beginning: 4, language: 4, plot: 5, ending: 4, dialog: 5, characters: 4.


  • Vampiric souls
    June 7, 2008

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    wow this is really really good, I felt sad when he was choosing. so raw, emotional great job!!


  • Missi
    June 2, 2008

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    I already read this but thanks for entrying it because it was FANTASTIC


  • AllOuta
    May 27, 2008

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    This was great- true, raw, moving. But you forgot the happy ending-- He chose drugs over Amanda, but would Amanda choose him over her own sense of right and wrong?

    I could wish for a little more at the end, but the rest of it almost made up for it. Your attention to detail, the similes, the perfect tone were fantastic and made me want to read more and more-- I was actually shaking the lap top hoping I had missed a crumb of the fare.

    Good luck!


    • Midnight-Engaged
      May 30, 2008
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      I guess you're supposed to assume she does because why else would she waste the time to go out and find him? Besides, you have to think about what she saw: him take a drag and then throw it away. What could that mean to her maybe that he was going to but just felt bad. She still didn't run away, and she was there. I think that was supposed to be the happy ending. Do I need to add more to the end?
      Thanks for reading it1 Your comment was kind, and made me feel all warm and fuzzy inside....


  • Andy Stephenson gold member
    May 21, 2008

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    Good Story!

    I was really thinking more about tobacco, however; this is a similar addiction, but not legal. Still, the way things are going, it may soon be illegal to smoke tobacco. Would a person give up smoking tobacco for a boy or girlfriend, that would be a interesting test. I know a couple that got married and the woman promised to quit smoking when they did. She still smokes.

    This is a good story and pretty well written. Your characters could do with more description.

    Thanks for entering 'Smokin''

    Andy

  • moonwriter
    May 14, 2008
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    wow. That was amazing. I was hooked from line one and on. It was incredible with a really good moral. I know a few poeple who've done drugs before and, when they were on them, it bothered me. I'm glad that there're people out there who still view drugs as wrong. I know that some of my friends have tried once and want to do more. When I first found out, I was starting to think that the world had lost its mind. I had been thinking that all nearly no one thought drugs were wrong anymore.

    Thankfully, people still do. I'm glad you wrote this story. I just wish more people would give it up.


  • Reaver Greeters member
    May 11, 2008

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    Truly Enjoyable Read!!

    His struggle is very alluring and makes for a fine story. I was hooked right from the beginning. However, I did take pleasure in the story from about the middle on more than the beginning. That is just an opinion though. You are excellent at describing his emotion and making the reader 'anticipate' that he will make a good decision for himself. And when he actually does this, it is lifting to the reader’s spirit, showing just how well you built the story.
    Now for some other 'stuff'. In first paragraph, I thought he was in the car with the other guy...maybe elucidate that he is on the phone sooner? How old is he? What does he look like? Sometimes you use a comma after dialogue when it should be a period. Sometimes you overuse your commas too. Though they may be construed as acceptable, it sometimes make the structure confusing.
    All around, this was a very inviting story that keeps a reader’s interest. It adheres to all the emotions and flows well. Well Done! (Energetic Ovation!!)

  • trackrunnengirl24
    May 10, 2008

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    well, i actually liked the title. it drew me in to see what this story was about. i liked it a lot, but theres only one problem. what is your moral? i cant seem to find it in your author's notes. well anyways, good luck and thanks for entering!

  • WillyLee
    May 10, 2008

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    Very good, the way that the narrator makes his decision, but until the end the reader is not sure which one he chose. You portray your characters and their situations with authenticity and vivid description without it getting in the way of the story. I feel that the narrator could be somebody I knew or somebody I was, and I feel a bit of what he feels. That sense of identification, as well as the conflict concerning a choice, is what makes a story good. At least that's the way I see it. Nice work, and thanks for entering the contest!


  • Mallig
    May 7, 2008

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    This is a wonderful story! The descriptions are beautiful, great emotional connection, great everything. And I loved the hopeful ending. A great read!

  • Missi
    May 7, 2008
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    I really like your title it explain's the story after you read it, I like how you put everything together and you did use correct grammar and made it very intresting.

    Thanks for entering and good luck!

    Missi


  • Roe
    May 7, 2008

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    "Amanda was my last connection to genuine happiness. Now all I had was artificial."
    You will never know how much that line meant to me.
    It really hurts when they choose the drugs, so I'm glad this story ended happily. It's never that easy though, but it should be. If the story kept going I'm sure there'd be lapses, if he got through the withdrawal okay and she could love him enough to put up with it.
    lol I'm ruining the happy ending! It was a great story, could relate a lot to a few lines.
    I'm horrible with coming up with titles, so sorry I don't have any suggestions.


  • VainfulSideEffects
    May 6, 2008
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    this was great i liked how it ended happy. You should try making more storyes like this.

  • VainfulSideEffects
    May 5, 2008

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    god this was good it caught me right into it. i would suggest trying to end it more detail and graphic. but this was good you should make series or something!


  • xxmomoxxx
    May 4, 2008

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    im sorry--i just had to peek! haha, it was really good and i could picture the characters perfectly. great descriptions, too. i cant wait for you to write more!

    • Midnight-Engaged
      May 5, 2008
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      it's okay. Thanks for your comment. I'll message you when I have more to offer.

      And feel free to give me some constructive criticism on this one. I'm not used to writing from a boy's perspective, or about drugs, or breakups from a girl, or basically anything I was prompted. Can you say challenge?

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